Fibromyalgia Action UK
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why oh why

why do lovely people have to go through so much ?

my beautiful darling Mum in law ( number2 Mum ) has cancer, alzhiemers and Vascular Dimensia

she had a yet another stroke a few days ago weakening her left side then yesterday another stroke weakened her right side, she can't eat now

she has always done so much for others , never interferred and helped look after my children when i was in hospital and recovering for 3 years

heartbroken doesn't even go anywhere near it , having to watch her suffering

take care everyone xx J

18 Replies

Morning InsJoy,

My first reaction to your blog is to send your wonderful mum-in-law a cuddles and I do hope such a lovely lady maages to regain her health a little. You are so lucky to have a lovely lady as your mum-in-law, mine is long gone as is my mum. I miss those special moments. Try and keep her smilin :) love gins


Hi Irisjoy,

so sad to hear about your mum no2. My heart aches for you, My little mam has vascular dementia has had it for several years I know what you are going through and I send you ALL tons of gentle HUGS xxxx



So sorry, It's awful to see our love ones suffer,even when we are trying to tackle our own health etc...sending loving


so sorry to read this and I'm sending much love and hugs to both you and your mum in law xxx


Hi iris ,my love to you and your Mother in law but already inboxed last night as its been a liitle tough for you alately and of course your love of being a granma too.

I fully am aware and understand dementia the severist type as my lovely gran had it and its been in all the ladies on my mums side along with strokes with my grandad who had a few.

But they both had very long life's so it never affected that way.

Its just not nice to watch your loved ones who have been such wanderful people.

It is just as you say.. Why does it happen to the nicest ones.

As inboxed please feel free to have a shoulder as you have to be smiley for your grandchildren but you must have time for you xx

Sending fairy soft hugs cazzie xx


thankyou for your lovely kind replies everyone

Mum2 has managed to have a good nights sleep even though she is asleep most of the time, just natures way i guess

I think she will be leaving us soon and going to be with her Darling Hubby which is best , no more suffering xx


my thoughts are with you.




Hello Iris, I am so sorry to hear about your dear Mother-in-law and her struggles with health problems. I understand how you feel, I went through the same with my precious Dad. He had many strokes and then rapid onset Dementia, watching him through this was very painful as he was such a selfless wonderful father and a lovely man, so kind.

It is very hard to watch someone slowly fading away from the person you knew and loved, such is the nature of Dementia. All you can do is to be there for your Mother-in-law, let her know you love her, tell her and support her as best you can. If she knows you love her, I always believe even with advanced Dementia (I worked with the elderly with Dementia for many years), there is always a window in the person's mind and even though they might not respond or react, they can hear you. I spoke to Dad about the old times, the laughs we shared, everything, even though there was no reaction from him at all in the latter years. I always believed he knew I was there and that is so important. Being kind and gentle, talking and even stroking their hands can be so important. Telling them you understand are all lovely things to do with illnesses like this.

With Dementia as it progresses people do tend to sleep quite a lot, as you say I think many of the advanced symptoms are nature's way of slowing down. My Dad is at peace now, but at least I know he knew he was loved, that's a great comfort.

Bless you Iris, you are doing all you can, we will try to help and support you through this time as much as we can.

(((Hug))) xxx



My best friends Mum had a routine operation. She had three heart attacks on the table, it took them over 15 minutes to bring her back the third time. She has been on life support now for over three months, she has gone, its not her laying there anymore, Her brain didnt get enough oxygen on the last attack.

Three months my poor friend has been up there everyday. Her Mum has no idea she is there. Its so, so sad.

Too much heartbreak in the world.

Gentle hugs xx


Hello irisjoy,

Sp very sorry to read your sad news. Some people do go through such an awful time and the family members and close friends feel helpless. When my mum was unconscious in the Hospice for the last 3 days of her life, the nurses told me to keep talking to her. I know that is a slightly different situation to the one your mum in law is in, in that she could live for many more years, whereas my lovely mum was very near the end of her life, BUT, even though she may not seem to recognise you or respond, I would think that it is important for you and other family members to just be there with her holding her hand and giving her comfort if she will accept that from people. I don't know much about Alzhiemers but I do know that sometimes people with this condition can push people away but it sounds as though this lovely lady would be too weak to be able to be in any way aggressive or violent.

You will all be in my prayers. Love and very warm comforting hugs, Saskia XX


Oh hun I really feel for you I watched my husband fade with leukemia a cancer of the blood cells and held his hand non stop for the last six hours if his life I am traumatised still having bad dreams guilt etc but deep down I know it was best for him and he died knowing he was loved just keep loving this wonderful lady as you do lots of hugs and contact its hard but you will get thru



My thoughts are with you,my mum was very ill nearly two years ago now not the same but out of it.

A part of her will know you are there . x

gentle Hugs x

Rainbow x x


My Mum in Law has vascular dementia and alzhiemers too and its awful to watch the down hill path this takes, she also is a shadow of herself though in her case we actually now get on better as I seem to have taken over a more caring role and it was me who actually contacted the GP as everyone else was too worried to do it...medication is slowing things down though its still not great and she isn't who she was...

I lost a fiend with teenage kids before christmas and that was devasting as she had her whole life ahead and had spent two months on life support which was agonising for those nearest.

All you can do is be there and do what you can and enjoy every possible family time and remember the good times x


So sorry to hear about your second mum and I am praying that she has some recovery. I know what you mean about having to watch loved ones, good people, suffer. I have done it so many times in the past xxxxx


I feel for you Hun. My darling sister had a stroke and a bleed on the brain on Friday and is paralyzed down her right hand side and can't talk. She is only 34 and has a 6 year old and a 1 year old. Although she will probably recover, it's devastating to think we could have lost her and I'm so grateful we didn't. We haven't been as close lately as we have in the past and this has made me realise what really matters. Both my mum and dad and my sisters mother in law all had heart attacks in November 2011 and my brother in laws dad was found dead in bed, due to complications with his diabetes. My big sister (I have 4) was diagnosed with cancer in her neck. Luckily, apart from my bil's dad, everyone has recovered.

My heart goes out to you honey. It's not fair that life can be so cruel to the least deserving.

Love and gentle huggles

Chilling xxx


Chilli even xxx


I've just re read this and it sounds wrong. I meant the least deserving of the I'll health and bad luck

Love and gentle huggles

Chilli xxx


Please don't worry Chilli my dear, we knew what you meant. It happens to us all, sounds fine in our heads and then doesn't read as we thought. No problem at all. :) xxx


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