Its now been weeks since I was at work and after 3 sign off's from my GP I am set to return tomorrow...I am starting to feel panicky at the thought and really wish I wasn't going back...
Not so much as had a card from staff at work and I now feel that they couldn't give a stuff.I know I put everyone under extra pressure at work but I also felt under pressure to try to be well and it just wasn't happening. I am going back with a completely different view to work in as much as I will do what I need to do in my contract and then no more. I need to get a different job however not sure who will employ me right now after being off six weeks prior to the christmas break.
I started CPAP on new years eve and am still waking at night but now through air leaks waking me instead..still feeling poo in the mornings and very tired still...getting this checked at apnoea clinic today thankfully. I'm still not 100% and just hope that I will cope...I actually dreamt I was in a heap in my work place in a total mess and was unable to move...I am sure this is just nerves and all will be okay once there. I am usually a happy person and just don't feel happy when I think of work.
I wish I could just tell work I wasn't coming back but I need my salary in our joint income for the mortgage. I'm still owed ssp which wasn't paid and I am a tad annoyed as I brought it up straight away on receipt of payslip that I was 1.5 weeks short for the sick notes provided...I was asked if I could wait until the next pay period however advised I couldn't ....we are not broke however I don't think I should have to wait like this as should I not have a husband on a wage I would have no fall back.
I got hit with several health problems all at once last year and 2012 really was the pits health wise...now trying to feel positive that 2013 will be better.
When I read it, it reminded me of how I was treated at work. I had to take early retirement in the end. I haven't worked for nearly 9 years and I still have nightmares about it!
I have a few worries of my own at the moment and am anxious about a GP appt. which I have later and an ESA questionnaire hanging over me but I will write to you in the next day or 2 to see how you are getting on and to try to support you if I can, I hope that today isn't as bad as you have been imagining/expecting and I'll be sending you positive thoughts. Hang on in and don't let the b******s grind you down!
Love and hugs Saskia. XX
Thanks and good luck with your own things...at 46 retirement isn't a possibility with me...I also have a contract to give a months notice should I manage to find something else however my GP has said what is the worst they can do if you don't give that...There was alocal job while I was off sick however I felt I couldn't go for it with being signed off as well as the notice issue.
I don't know anything about ESA but it seems that what I read on here many have an absolute nightmare...hoping I don't ever have to find out!
Thanks for your reply and good luck
Hello Mumof5, I hope tomorrow goes well for you. You are bound to feel nervous and anxious about it all. Having to work is a different ball park to wanting to work, there is pressure to do so especially when there is a mortgage to be paid.
I hope you manage to get your SSP paid too, that in itself is a worry for you. Did you keep copies of all your sick certificates? The reason I ask is that my work "mislaid" a few of mine and there were problems with my payments too, thankfully providing copies sorted it all out.
Please let us know how it goes tomorrow, wishing you all the very best.
Take care. (((hug))) xxx
Libs
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I had the doctor redo this particular sick note, apparently it was an oversite however at least I have a back up ...I had the forsite to ask the doc for another when I saw I wasn't paid the right amount...
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Well done, we have to be so careful. There seem so many hurdles don't there. xxx
I had to give up work at 35 due to fibro, I have a family too and at first I thought how will we cope, but things have a way of working out, we sold our house and bought a much cheaper in another area, my son was diagnosed with autism at the same time and my OH had to find another job , but we got through it..... I am sure all things fall into place and if you have to give up this job or go for another or have to stop working altogether don't worry, I too had to give a months notice, but spent most of it off sick anyway... Once we had moved I thought of trying to get another job but my health just wasn't good enough
This is meant to be our forever home and last move and being a bungalow will try to work through to stay her...its not a cheap area though and it cost us a bomb and a big mortgage with loads to do here still. We could extend the morgage if I give up work and there is at least 150k equity...selling would be a last resort as my husband has worked hard for 17 years to get us where we are.
I have two sons with Autism though only one now lives at home...I have been so busy with the family I failed to notice my own health going down the pan...
I've been trying to think up self employment options as I thinking its the best possible way to go x
I am in a very similar position was hoping to go back to work on phased return this week but have just been signed off by gp for further week. I had a really bad weekend, hot sweats on top of pain and fatigue argh. It may be side effects to meds but i suppose it could be anxiety about going back. Some work colleagues have been good - it's a real eye opener, those who are most demanding of my time in work, have been noticeably quiet.
Good luck for tomorrow, hope you find people kinder face to face.
My GP would sign me off again I'm sure however I know I have to go back if only to see how it makes me feel...if its not a great return I will have no choice but to leave as Its difficult to look for other work if deemed unfit to work...I want to work but need to be happy in what I do and feel I fit in too....just hope that the others may actually find out how they have made me feel for weeks at a time when I could have benefitted from a get well card or a simple call asking how I was getting on.
I can resonate with all you are saying mumof 5. Will check in with you again in the next day or 2. Sorry I had thought you were going back today but realise it is tomorrow. SOooo Good Luck for tomorrow!
Big, big, warm hugs. Know that I am thinking of you. I know how lonely it can be when your colleagues aren't caring.
Saskia XX
Thanks all...I actually have felt really lonely and depressed while being off and thought I had friends at work however I am now of the opinion that none are my friends and I will now be polite but thats where it ends, I will not share thoughts with them any longer and will just simply do my job and no more.
I'm dreading it but it'll probably be a doddle as none I work with have really ever lived or set foot outside of the same town and are very small minded...holding onto the feel sorry for them thought in the hope I get through my shifts easier...hope I don't sound too bitter..
How are you? I intended to contact you yesterday, but my computer went down for some reason. I was thinking about you on and off all day.
Reading your blog brought back all the feelings I had when I was struggling to work. No card when off sick. That was my experience, too, and yet I always sent a get well card from me and also organised one from all the staff and even flowers etc if someone was off for a while. Yet when it was me ...nothing. I also used to listen to everyone's probs. bend over backwards to help them, etc etc but when I was laid low....nothing. Sorry this is a ramble I am not too good today... BUT I want you to know that I feel deeply for what you are going through, so if you want to off load how you feel don't hesitate. There wasn't anything like this wonderful site when I was forced to take early retirement at 50, nearly 9 years ago, and I felt dreadfully alone and at times suicidal. The extra hurt and pain the uncaring staff caused me by their lack of concern, just exacerbated my feelings of depression, anxiety and despair. At least you have this site to vent your feelings and most of us have been exactly where you are or, if not, have suffered in some other way.
Please take care. I do hope yesterday wasn't too awful for you. Just let us know how you are.
Thanks for your concern...I managed my shift though there was loads that hadn't been done while I have been off that will now take weeks to sort though I honestly think atm I am handing in my notice as yet more changes which they want me to try which in turn has made me feel that I simply wasn't good enough before I was off..I let it all out after my shift ended and a few staff realised how I have been made to feel now and they said I should think carefully before leaving however I simply cannot give any more than I already do and changes are simply over and above what is needed making me think its another way of getting me out whilst in ill health....I just don't see a way through without costing me in the long run but to leave and do something basic. I even called into my youngest school today about lunch time supervising, they took my details but also said I was over qualified to which my answer was I don't need to pressure that I am currently under. I have applied for TA jobs at the same school however they are usually took by lunch time ladies already in post.
I have another appointment with my GP tomorrow and I could get signed off again however I feel this may just be an easy way out though I was in such a state after work last night I was still sobbing when I went to bed at 11...
However I am sorry that you were reduced to tears by the end of your shift. I have been there with that, too, which is why in the end I took early retirement, as I just couldn't deal with it all any more. I appreciate that you still need to work so I think the fact that you are looking for something less stressful is a good idea.
Do you mind me asking what sort of job it is that you do? It is obviously very stressful and it sounds like things were just left for you to sort out on your return,...no easing back into work gently. I worked for the NHS and the same thing used to happen there. Forcing changes on you as soon as you go back sounds most unfair and also the sort of thing the NHS did to me. I am sure it is a way of trying to undermine a person when they are already feeling very vulnerable.That is how I felt anyway. I ended up having a complete nervous breakdown in the end, as I was struggling to work with Fibromyalgia and arthritis and it all just got on top of me completely with all the unpleasantness at work and that feeling that people are being deliberately hostile and uncaring.
I felt I had nowhere to turn and, at the time, I had only been married for 6 months and my husband told me that we'd manage if I took early retirement as he could see the stress that I was put under. My manager used to swear a lot and use the 'F' word a lot in front of patients which made me feel like something off the bottom of her shoe. I still have nightmares about the way I was treated and, when I do, I feel really low for most of the next day.
It is dreadful that other people can be so hateful in the workplace that people who are already struggling with ill-health end up having a breakdown and have to give up work. There was no going back for me, as I just wasn't strong enough to deal with it all any more.
I wouldn't want you to suffer the same fate as me. It sounds as though you are feeling like you can't stay in your present job and at least you are making enquiries about other less stressful jobs.
If your GP says that he'll sign you off, let him. Use the time to look out for something else. It sounds as though your GP is supportive and maybe he'll sign you off so that you don't need to work any notice, if you decide that you really cannot go back to your present job.
All I can do is be supportive to the best of my ability, as I have spent years recovering from what happened to me and it has been a long hard struggle. I still lack confidence and am a shadow of my former self, in that I am just not capable of a lot of things I used to do, mostly because of physical limitations but in some instances because of lack of confidence.
Try to get all the help you can from your GP and anything else which you may be offered. Do you belong to a union at work?
Please keep in touch otherwise I shall worry about you.
Good luck with your appt. tomorrow. Tell the Dr exactly how you feel and also about the pressure that your colleagues/bosses have put you under. I am sure he will be sympathetic.
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