Well what a Christmas. After regaining my balance from a near breakdown with the help of councilling my wonderful children have done their utmost to push me over the endg to suicide. My youngest informed them all that I was classed as suicidal back in October so thay would not be stressing me out all the time as is their habit.
My son had a baby back in the eairly summer, well technically his wife did. For all that time they been going to bring the baby down to see me as they know full well I cannot travel across the other side of the country myslef. Each time something else has come up and they not come. Christmas was the time that I way eventually going to see baby and my other grandchild again. I saved for treats and to go on the santa train and do all the things Nanas do only for Son to tell me that if is wanted to see her I would have done so by now and that he wants nothing to do with me because of this. He travels monthly to see the other Nan mainly because they all go out drinking which I can't do. I offered to pay the costs of them comming to me but no this is not enough. He says I am a worthless piece of s**t as a Nana and that they would all be better off if I did indeed top myself. He knows that since I moved to Devon my illness had deterioated as I used to be able to travel unatended and I would go up and see my family but now I just can't which is sad but really not my fault.
Well it took all my strength and the councillors advise to stop me falling back into the deep depression and I am still fragile and I have been cut off totally from my grandchildren and my kids bar one who lives nearby. Christmas calls and messages were not returned so Christmas was cancelled in my house. With a sad heart I have no choice but to try and shut the door to my heart in regards to my eldest children as I cannot and will not let them continually (this is by far not the first time) try and undermine my mental health any longer. When friends have fallen away as they don't understand I have always excepted they just not a nice as i thought they were but when your own children do such things it is trully heart breaking. Well I am not going to top myself however I am back to wanting to got to sleep at night and never wake up, but I am fighting it and this time when I get to the happy place they will not be there to knock me back off again. Door will be shut to my heart and a wedge will be inplace to stop it opening again.
I choose to walk in happiness as much as I can and no one friend or family is going to destroy what life I have. Hugs to all those who have similar issues. xx
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Devonlady
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I am still in contact with my councillor so am certainly getting help. As for explaining to the family I have given them literature and links to websites and explained to them fully. Unfortunately they have only ever been interested in self interest and because I can't do what they want and have no money lft to give I am now just surplus to requirements.
I will survive this as the councilling has really helped and I am not suisidal now but a few months ago I sure was. Not going to let anything get me back there.
stay strong Devonlady. family can be cruel at times and I feel for you.
could you write your son a letter? calmly and simply setting out that you thought he was coming to see you as you cannot travel any more, that you were looking forward to seeing them and outline the treats you had planned. and then offer again to fund a visit.
try to avoid blame and criticism, keep it neutral.
I know he was harsh and he hurt you but try and keep the door open.
What he said was wrong, you sound like a lovely caring nana, try not to let it get to you. - if he said you were blue with red stripes, you wouldn't believe him, so don't believe these words.
please keep in touch,
regards,
sandra.
HI Devonlady
I am so sorry to hear how much you've been going through. I am glad to hear that you have made a decision not to let anyone drive you back to feeling suicidal. It's a horrible, hurtful situation to be in, and I really feel for you. It sounds as though you are starting to create a real support network for yourself now, and you need to only allow supportive people into it. Hopefully, in time, the situation with your family can be revisited, but right now, you have make yourself the priority.
Good Luck, stay strong, and keep in touch with us all.
Hi DL wondered how you were doing.......Please don't let this all get you back to where you were before......it is all very sad,....and I feel for you.
You take care (((((((((((((((((BIG GENTLE HUGS ))))))))))))))))))))))) for you x x
I did write to my son and I explained to him again in a calm way what I can and cannot do physically. I told him that I am emotionally not in a position to be dealing with any more stress and his reaction was to cut me off completely and tell me to top myself and do him a favour and that no one would miss me or come to my funeral. Obviously I was devistated and cried buckets. Now I have a great support network of friends, and as these friend pointed out to me I am not as my son described me (I won't bore you with all the details). My friend say they choose to be my friend because I am a kind and careing person with a giving nature. Now this is true in the fact that they choose to be my friends and indeed I try my best to help anyone I can however I can so I am confident I am not what my Son says I am so that is not what I am bothered by.
It is the fact the he seemed to be deliberately trying to push me over the edge now this is just not something I can either except or allow so now he has blocked me from facebook contact or phone contact (however suddenly I am getting fax calls all throught the night. coincidence possibly but possibly not) I have started to close of my heart to him and once closed it will never be the same even if he chose to re enter my life at a later date.
Rainbow I have been doing ok and I will again my lovlie not oing to go there again.
Thaks for all your advise and comments bless you all xx
your friends are right and, sad as it is, your son is wrong and you are better off without him. I was trying to see if he had thought about what he had said, to give him a chance, but he doesn't seem worth it. I cannot imagine why he thinks it's ok to talk to anyone like that, and I'm sorry he chose to be like that with you, knowing how vulnerable you are.
I am glad that you didn't let it set you back, it must have been hard,
your friends and the people here will support you.
Please do not listen to your son and think of the old saying:you cant choose your family but you can your friends.
I have had similar with my daughter and once I get over the hurt and carried on, and then when things start to change nothing can be done to break down the bridges of the heart. I can talk and kiss but the words and actions only stay at the surface and they do not get to the heart, I feel false at times by feeling as I do but I just do not trust her to not be like it again.
The different faces we show can be a handy thing to have and can help to keep us afloat when you all you really want to do is to scream at them and let the boat sink.
Keep strong and if you feel down then post a blog and we will all try to help in any way we can. I know how nasty life can be but you are living in a beautiful part of the country and when the winter is over you will be able to enjoy it.
Forget all the people who are trying to hurt you an start enjoying the ones who want to help you and make new friends because to me it sounds like you are a nice warm person who anyone would like to call their friend.
You are both so right. I would discribe this a a blip on my receovery not a sinking. Yes it is causing me to loose quality sleep which we all know is not good and yes i am back to biting my fingers but other than that I am doing pretty well. Friends are the salve on the wounds.
I am so sorry your daughter was similar. I fully understand the having to put a face on it as I have been doin that for years and been hurt over and over again but now I can just get on with my life. I don't regret moving away as two of my children moved away without a backwards glance until they wanted something and that is how it should be they have their lives to live and I have always said they should live them and not be tied to Mum's apron strings. It seems that doens't work both ways though as my moving six years ago is seen as desertion. I offered them all financial help to move here if they wanted to and one did. My life is here now and every day I am blessed with the beauty and slower pace of things here which help me to have a life instead of sitting looking at four walls.
Life is for living and I am now inchare of my own happiness.
Hi hunny sorry that your family have become as they are, my father is the same way to me just because I was unable to attend my uncles funeral family can be so cruel sometimes, I'm feeling even lower than usual at the moment I don't know if you read my posting but I feel lower because one of my daughters friends died suddenly on Wednesday morning she was only 20 and had a baby girl of 19 months her mother found her in bed, she was such a lovely person I have known her since she was 3 and as all my daughters were so close to her an she spent so much time at my house with them she became like a forth daughter.
I did read your post and left a comment what a tragic event and so hard for all of you to deal with. Puts a family thing in perspective as no one died in this situation. I cannot even imagine how your all feeling but I am certainly sending you all loving thoughts. Bless you all. such a sad time.
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Christmas
Not what I wanted to hear !!
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