Made a descision

After a week of the most awful anxiety I've decided to cancel my motability car which I was picking up tomorrow. I've had one for the past 3 years but I'm having neighbour trouble and I think having a brand new car will just make things worse,I'm crippled by anxiety already. I've spoken to motability and I feel quite silly by leaving it to the last minute but the stress has built up. I haven't been able to eat or sleep. There may be a cancellation fee by the car dealer,I won't know until tomorrow when the car dealer calls me. I'm going to buy a cheap second hand car hopefully from them if they have something suitable. I just can't face the stress of my neighbours causing me more problems. It's not easy doing all this on your own when your ill as a lot of you will know. I just want a quiet life. When I ordered the car I was very poorly,my daughter had had an emergency op in hospital and I had rehomed one on my dogs all in the same week. Things have blown up with the neighbours since then.

Unfortunately throughout my life I have been on the receiving end of a lot of nasty people so I know how bad it can get,I think I'm just vulnerable as I can't cope with confrontation,it's lead me to be at the mercy of various abuse. My chronic anxiety doesn't help and I've not been able to get on top of it.

10 Replies

  • Oh that is so sad why should you have to take a chance on an old car.....maybe if you ask them you could keep the one you have , My friend did that she had a year extention and still payed the DLA to them . You need to rethink as all repairs and Tax and Ins comes with the car as you know and that could put you without a car all tog if the secondhand one ever breaks down. You will also be responsible for the MOT.

    I know it is hard but it is really none of there business, I know this doesn't help but you need to do what's best for you! Anxiety and abusive neighbours just don't help do they.I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it right, but don't forget we are all here to support you,when and if we can x

    Sending you lots of rainbow hugs x (((((((((((( ;-) :-) ))))))))))))))))))))))

  • I've extended my lease too in the past.

    see if you can keep your present one.



  • Oh dear, I'm so sorry that your anxiety has driven you to this. You need a car and why allow your neighbour to prevent you from getting one - it has nothing whatsoever to do with them!

    Have they been harassing you? If so, I suggest you inform the police of the situation. Please please don't let the issue with your neighbours take away your entitlement to a vehicle which with your children you so much need.

    Big hugs

    Foggy x

  • Hi

    I do know where you are coming from because I had real trouble with one of my neighbours and it became unbearable. I got to the point where I dreaded going in my garden because of the confrontation. She was a thoroughly nasty piece of work and made a lot of people very unhappy but she later died of cancer so maybe there is karma lol.

    It's easy for us to say stuff your neighbours but I agree with the others, they should not be able to intimidate you in this way. Would they like to swap their life with yours? Would they like your disability and all the problems it brings? Why are there people like this in the world?

    People only bother looking on the surface and never think about the issues that people have going on in their life and unfortunately people getting a "free" car seems to being out all the worst emotions, spite and envy. They don't appreciate that we have to exchange all of our DLA allowance for it. And that we would swap it all to be pain free and able to lead a normal life.

    If you let your neighbours get the better of you then they have won and as the others have said getting cheap car could cost you a lot in the long run, why the hell should you have to accept second best simply because they are a******es? You haven't asked for your health problems and you should never be ashamed of them. Hold your head up high and enjoy seeing their faces when you pull up in your new car and if they would like to get one offer to kneecap them lol.

    If it gets really bad I would definitely consider calling the police, no one should face discrimination like this, people like this make me mad and if there is such a thing as karma then let it be them that end up getting a sharp lesson in humility and compassion for others. They sure need it.

  • As someone who's been there and took it for 11 years with having my wife called and kids and then beaten up on my front door.

    We moved and now we have one neighbour who wants trouble , we let her carry on then git a solicitors letter and the housing association involved and its put a stop to this, and this is because we got blamed for something we didn't do.

    Changed my car in December just gone and I know some dont like it but thats their problem not mine, I too dont want the hassle as last time I got beaten up but there comes a time when you have to but what ever you do dont loose your temper be civil snd if you have a smart phone with camera put it in your pocket and record the conversion.

    ANd make sure you're on a public pavement or your property but let the recording be only of the voice and not pointed at them because that way you're breaking the law. I did that and when she was presented with the evidence via solicitors letter it stopped.

  • Would having therapy help at all?

    You need to understand why your anxiety is so far reaching.

    Neighbours can be nasty(believe me I know)

    But these fears of confrontation could be very deep rooted within you.

    By having therapy your therapist will get to the bottom of all this anxiety.

    Then guide you gently to become more confident and less anxious.

    My son is a therapist and helps so many people with their issues and so on.

    Obviously he can't tell me about his clients.

    But what I do know he has a high success rate.

    Please consider therapy you deserve so much more in your life.

    Bibi x

  • Thanks everyone I have been having therapy but I've just called a halt to it as I felt she was picking on me too calling me a victim and telling me I am full of self pity. That's not helped.

    White rabbit I'm so sorry you went through that,my neighbours aren't that bad. I've actually been and got the car,I lay in bed last night going over and over it,I couldn't buy a second hand car anyway. I thought I have been through hell,I had to give up my florists shop because I was so ill,I worked 6 days a week and long hours all the while bringing up my kids alone from an early age. I am genuinely ill and in need of support,have no family nearby not that they r fussed anyway so basically on my own trying to survive. It's not a sob story it's just reality. I just hope they don't get too horrid about it all. I wish we could all just live in peace but life doesn't work like that eh?

  • Glad you made the decision to have the new car, and I think you got some helpful comments from other people, but reading your last post, felt I had to say that am relieved you left your therapist as it was most unprofessional of her to be so judgmental...

  • Yes I support the other folk you are entitled to the car and already have experienced it's value. The opportunity to extend by a year is an option, but if you have this new car it will help you boost you as you drive it. I experience some neighbour problems - she is entitled but chooses not to have the car, so has the money, but I say that's her choice and the car is mine! Your neighbours are exceeding anything you should have to contend with so do let the local police know - they are used to such feuds. I do hope that you will think of yourself this time. Do hope your daughter is doing o.k. now.

    Hugs and love. Oldie B

  • Sorry replying late to you Teddy.

    But I think that maybe you are having the wrong of therapy.

    Is it physco dynamic therapy that you are having. Because if it is it is not for everyone

    Because it can be quite brutal.

    You sound like you would benefit more from CBT.

    This is far more gentle approach.

    Please let me know if you would consider this.

    Bibi xx

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