Silly poem thread.

[julieevh]

I'm missing all those inspired poemsfrom Ozzygirl ...........

So let's start a thread to cheer us up ..... let's start with a couple I would call an oldie but goldie .... you can all improve on these I'm sure xxx

I wish I was a caterpillar

Life would be a farce

Sliding down a cabbage leaf

And landing on my .............. elbow.

Or

I had a little poodle dog

A poodle dog was he

He lifted up his poodle leg

And poodled over me

Victoria Wood and Pam Ayres have no competition from me!

Julie xx

[julieevh]

My favourite from Victoria Wood - 30 years old but still hillarious

Lets Do It - the ballard of Freda and Barry

Freda and Barry sat one night,

The sky was clear, the stars were bright,

The wind was soft, the moon was up,

Freda drained her cocoa cup.

She licked her lips, she felt sublime,

She switched off Gardeners' Question Time.

Barry cringed in fear and dread

As Freda grabbed his tie and said….

Let's do it,Let's do it,

Do it while the mood is right

I'm feeling, appealing,

I've really got an appetite.

I'm on fire, with desire,

I could handle half the tenors in a male voice choir.

Let's do it, let's do it, tonight.

But he said:

I can't do it,I can't do it,

I don't believe in too much sex

This fashion, for passion,

Turns us into nervous wrecks

No derision, my decision,

I'd rather watch the Spinners on the television.

I can't do it, I can't do it, tonight.

So she said:

Let's do it, Let's do it,

Do it till our hearts go boom

Go native, creative,

Living in the living room

This folly, is jolly,

Bend me over backwards on me hostess trolley.

Let's do it, let's do it, tonight.

But he said:

I can't do it, I can't do it,

Me ‘eavy breathing days’ve gone

I'm older, feel colder,

It's other things that turn me on,

I'm imploring, i'm boring,

Let me read this catalogue on vinyl flooring.

I can't do it, I can't do it, tonight.

So she said:

Let's do it, Let's do it,

Have a crazy night of love.

I'll strip bare, I'll just wear,

Stilettos and an oven glove.

Don't starve a, girl of a palava,

Dangle from the wardrobe in yer balaclava.

Let's do it, let's do it, tonight.

But he said:

I can't do it, I can't do it,

I know I'd only get it wrong.

Don't angle, for me to dangle,

Me arms have never been that strong.

Stop pouting, stop shouting,

You know I pulled a muscle when I did that grouting.

I can't do it, I can't do it, tonight.

Let's do it, let's do it,

Share a night of wild romance,

Frenetic, poetic,

This could be your last big chance,

To quote Milton, to eat stilton,

To roll in gay abandon on the tufted Wilton.

Let's do it, let's do it, tonight.

I can't do it, I can't do it,

I've got other little jobs on hand,

Don't grouse, around the house,

I've got a busy evening planned.

Stop nagging, I'm flagging,

You know as well as I do that the pipes want lagging.

Can't do it, can't do it, tonight.

Let's do it, let's do it,

While I'm really in the mood

Three cheers, it's years,

Since I caught you even semi-nude

Get drastic, gymnastic,

Wear your baggy Y-fronts with the loose elastic,

but let's do it, let's do it, tonight.

I can't do it, I can't do it,

I must refuse to get undressed.

I feel silly, it's too chilly,

To go without me thermal vest

Don't choose me, don't use me,

Me mother sent a note to say you must excuse me

I can't do it,I can't do it, tonight.

Let's do it, let's do it,

I feel I absolutely must,

I won't exempt you, want to tempt you,

Want to drive you mad with lust

No cautions, just contortions,

Smear an avocado on my lower portions

Let's do it, let's do it tonight.

I can't do it, I can't do it,

Its really not my cup of tea,

I'm harassed, embarrassed,

I wish you hadn't picked on me.

No dramas, give me me pyjamas,

The only girl I'm mad about is Judith Chalmers

I can't do it, I can't do it, tonight.

Let's do it, let's do it,

I really want to run amok

Let's wiggle, lets jiggle,

Let's really make the rafters rock

Be mighty, be flighty,

Come and melt the buttons on me flameproof nightie

Let's do it, let's do it, tonight.

Let's do it, let's do it,

I really want to rant and rave.

Let's go, 'cos I know,

Just how I want you to behave

Not bleakly, not meekly,

Beat me on the bottom with a Woman's Weekly

Let's do it, let's do it, tonight.

[ArctoLindy in reply to julieevh]

You can watch this on YouTube, its great

youtube.com/watch?v=OZCIKjY...(Not working as expected?)

[Extremelygrumpy]

Lol oh my I remember that one.... It doesn't help that our gp has magazines very like that one in his surgery .. Mind you if it cured my fibro I am sure I could endure being beaten with a women's weeky by my gp.... Hmmmm that sounds so wrong on so many levels ... But fibro leads to desperate measures...

VG

[Extremelygrumpy]

'twas the night before Christmas and in our house

A sleepless fibromite was staggering clutching a frozen mouse

This was a present for her beloved pet snake

The other hand was holding a large piece of cake

From the two bedrooms there came not a peep

A sudden loud snore meant they all were asleep

A glance at the presents under the tree

Surely I could just shake the one labelled to me

I prodded and poked then on my hand it did snap

MY crafty OH had wrapped a mousetrap

VG x

[rainbowdancer in reply to Extremelygrumpy]

Oh that did make me laugh thought you were grumpy ha ha ha

[rainbowdancer]

Hi the poem are on fibro actiion called poets corner. hope that helps!!

[Hidden]

THANK YOU RAINBOW DANCER - you are quite correct, we already have a Poem Bog thread, please post your ooems on there from now on -

Here is the link to our POETRY CORNER -

fibroaction.healthunlocked....

Many thanks!

[Butterfly54 in reply to Hidden]

Bit sharp Eh LibbyZ

[Hidden in reply to Butterfly54]

Not at all Jayne, if we have a couple of threads running, we like to let everyone know so they can follow all the communications. It saves lots of time hunting around too!

[Ginsing]

I do love the Victoria Wood poem/song and found myself singing out loud here in the kitchen all by myself

Thanks for the smle it is much better here first and then on he poetry corner blog xins

[Butterfly54 in reply to Ginsing]

I so agree with you gins.I didn`t even know there was a poetry corner.

Hugs Butterfly54 xxxx

[Hidden in reply to Butterfly54]

Here is the link to make it easier for you to find -

fibroaction.healthunlocked....

[Butterfly54]

Thanks so much Julieevh.The smack me on the bottom with the womans weekly has been a catch phrase of mine for years.

And just as an aside.What the heck doe`s it matter where a poem appears just as long as someone has gone to all that trouble to write it out.

Hugs Butterflyxxxx

PS thought caps meant people were shouting.Hmmmmm

[Hidden in reply to Butterfly54]

Butterfly (Jayne), capitals can be used to draw attention to something too with no offence intended at all. Sometimes it makes messages show up a bit more too and quicker to see, for highlighting etc.

We post links to threads in the same vein as it can be very helpful to get to somewhere quickly, it saves lots of time hunting, something none of us really feel like doing when we feel unwell.

We are happy to help at any time, so if anyone can't locate something quickly after using the search bar, please ask Admin and we will do our best to find it for you quickly

[Butterfly54]

Birdy birdy flying high

Dropped his cargo from the sky

COO said the farmer wiping his eye

It`s a blooming good job that cows can`t fly.

BOOM BOOM.xx