socailising

Does anyone get scared of socialising ,I get scared weeks before and wondering if this is normal,I never know what to say,and if I do say any thing it sounds stupid,how do you over come this, I have my dads 80th birthday in 6weeks and my nerves are going,not sure why though,can anyone advise please.Annex

[Hidden]

Any kind of illness can make people feel self conscious and shy so I don't think that you are feeling anything unusual. My socialising is almost non existent since I became ill but I am naturally quite a shy person anyway and always feel a bit anxious when meeting new people. I find it helps to have a few questions prepared to ask people and then give them the opportunity to talk about themselves or their children a bit. Most people enjoy talking about themselves and like it that you are interested in them. It then takes the focus off you for a while too! Look for people standing on their own to talk to as they will probably be really glad that you made the effort and be pleased to chat. You won't be the only person there that is a bit anxious. Maybe you could busy yourself handing out drinks or food so that you have a purpose to move around the room and disappear into the kitchen for a little break if you need it? After a while you will probably relax a bit and begin to enjoy yourself. I would strongly advise you not to have a drink to steady your nerves though...there lies the road to disaster (and I have the photos to prove it ;-)!!!

I hope that you are able to enjoy the party and that your dad has a wonderful day.

Jane x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

thank you ladygreenfingers i have had some great advice and i am very greatfull for all your replies i will take all the advice and remember it all when i go.Thank you.AnneXX

[nanatre]

Hiya,

I have been seeing a therapist for a couple of weeks now, she has made me realise just how much I have removed myself from company.

I used to be so outgoing, put me in a room with strangers I would be talking to them all and have them laughing.

I think it started when we went shopping, you know you get to the till and the nice lady smiles and says "Hello", then the chit chat starts, I actually found myself dreading it. My daughter says I started snapping at the nice lady, I think it was just wanting to get it done and get home where I am safe.I then found myself walking past the tills letting my daughter deal with the chit chat while I sat and watched.

It is the fear of not knowing what to say. If they ask how are you, do you lie and say yeah im ok thanks, or do you say, well, no actually, i have this God awful illness that means I dont want to stand here talking to you because I am in so much pain I just want to be home?

I am sorry, I dont have the answer, I am hoping therapy will help me.

I dont want to answer the phone, meet up with friends, have visitors, i hate it so much!!!!

Please let us know how you get on or if you find something that helps

I hope you get to enjoy the party xxxx

[Hidden in reply to nanatre]

Thanks for that nanatre thats how i feel spot on. maybe i could see someone about it like a therapist .i havent snapped at anyone i just want to get away and be at home.i dont like seeing people i get very nervous and panic.thank you AnneXX

[hamble99b]

hi Anne,

I miss things that I really want to be at but just can't go.

My brother recently married and I tried a slightly differrent approach.

I focussed my thoughts on thinking I could turn up in my 'jamas and as long as I was there they wouldn't mind. anything better would be a bonus! nobody else mattered.

They asked me because they love me. I'm not invited to be the life and soul, it's their day.

I'll stay for the next 10 minutes... and then the next...

this took a lot of the pressure off. I even had two choices of outfit both smart but one just a little more comfortable.

You are going for your Dad's big day. no-one else, try to relax, slow your breathing, and hopefully have a nice time.

regards,

sandra.

[Hidden in reply to hamble99b]

thank you so much Sandra,i am getting up set now ,you are so right and i will take your advice.Annexx

[bumblebee57]

Hi. I have problems being too far away from home for social occasions. I had to miss a good friends' wedding last year because I couldnt face travelling out of my home town and being amongst people I dont know. I felt as if I wouldnt be in control of being able to leave and come home (he lives in Dorset and I live in Plymouth) I felt so out of my comfort zone, I almost drove myself nuts about it, because I didnt want to hurt my friend by saying "I cant come to your wedding". How could I do that? I couldnt find the words until a couple of days before and I had to txt him. It upset me so much I couldnt speak when he phoned me after the txt. I was crying and sobbing so much. But even though he was disappointed I wasnt coming, he understood because he has Fibro too. Fibro is such a crazy illness. it affects your whole life in many different ways. But I suppose it has its useful side, when youre invited somewhere you dont want to go, you can blame it on the Fibro!! xx

[sue57]

I have a similar problem. I arrange to go out with friends then cancel at the last moment, giving sickness or tiredness as the reason for not going. I don't understand why? Is it something to do with coming home late to an empty house or what? I became a bit of a recluse when my husband died 6 years ago, but I've started to make small advances. I used to cancel dental appointments and clinic appointments, but it's not as bad now. I'm just scared of becoming agoraphobic!!

[Hidden]

hiya since my bad divorce and losing kids and this illness ive become very withdrawn and not good with new people or birthdays etc at all.

i live like a hermit nowadays where as before i was always out and about.

i think the more you shut yourself away from people and cope on your own the harder it is too socialize.

seeing a therapist is a great step forward and i think it would help you loads too.

x

[Ozzygirl64]

I am the same when it comes to socialising and find it very difficult to do. If something is coming up it can takes me weeks to build myself up for it and then I am still a nervous wreck when the time comes. xxxxx

[julieevh]

Ohhh my dear friends - I say this to support you (and never to offend you) fight this, you are so stressed / depressed / stuck in a rut that you are being tricked by Fibro into letting Fibromyalgia win this battle.

Humans are social animals, we need the company of others. We need to laugh and enjoy ourselves.

Build yourself up slowly by seeing just one or two friends or relatives at a time; email them the link to the spoons theory first so that they have some sort of idea what you are up against, then grit your teeth and go for it!

Perhaps go to a Fibro support group, maybe a church or interest group. Go to the cinema or theatre (make it a matinee performance if you want, Ted is still in cinemas if you havent seen it, Emma Watson's new film "Perks of being a wallflower" is out on Wednesday, Panto's are all booking at the moment).

But don't be a hermit and let Fibro win, we are not able to do everything we used to .... but that doesn't mean we should let Fibro beat us into doing nothing at all.

Fibro may well win the odd battle - but we won't let it win the war!

((((( gentle hugs )))))

Julie xx

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Thank you All.