hi all trying to finger out if my post is put on I'm in soon much pain lonely as I live on my own I moved out of my partners as we kept arguing I'm stuck in a flat not knowing anyone as I moved down from London and I don't mix well I find it hard . which is weird as I use to be a bouncer . alls I do is cry I am thinking about moving back with my fella but scared to give up my council place I also get ESA and as my partner works I don't think I will get it I'm waiting to hear if I'm going to get pip as just changed I got DLA well thanks all for reading big hugs to all xx

22 Replies

  • Sorry to hear you are so low, you will find lots of support here. Forgive me if I speak out of turn, you should give very careful consideration about whether to return to your previous situation, you have your own home, not easy to come by these days. I don't know how you would stand benefits wise however someone here will have the answer I'm sure. I hope you find all the help you need. Wishing you well. Lou x

  • Hi Downlancaster,

    Goodness me you poor soul, breaking a relation ship and moving somewhere new is double stress let alone dealing with fibro too. All three take a while to get used to as the are such life changing situations. Do you have any family or friends close by? Have you registered with new gp practice? (You may need some medical support). Have you looked online at local council and parish sites for group or social activities? Sometimes action distracts us from focasing on how lonely we are. Its tough but you've made a very courageous decision already by moving out. Whatever you do dont go backwards, 6 months from now you'll feel so much better and be in a much better frame of mind...promise.

    And we are here just a click away!

    Take care of yourself and ask for help anytime

    Wishing you nicer days ahead PLMI xxx and big hug

  • omg that's lovely what you have wrote you take care and thank you for being there much hugs x

  • Oh dear I've just read my previous reply and release missed out a word

    It should have read ...'break routine in a relationship'

    So sorry

  • Hi.

    So so sorry to hear you feel so lonely.

    I read through a couple of your replies and forgive me too if I overstep the mark but I agree. What you have done is very brave. You might not feel brave right now but you will. You need to find yourself and discover what works directly for you. Only then will you be equipped to make a more informed decision about what you should do.

    If you still wish to move back in with your boyfriend after this then you will know it is for the right reasons. Being lonely isnt one of them.

    Again, apologies for being blunt and feel free to tell me to keep my nose out.

    Fibro is a very lonely thing even when surrounded by people but you wont find better support than whats on here.

    After lots of research I today found a support group in my area. Havent been yet but am hoping to join and be there at the next meeting. Have you one in your area? I know they are quite sparse but maybe you could look into it.

    Another thing you could do is maybe a course. Nothing major, many college courses are free full time for adults. This would mean you could learn something (even if its, oh I dont know, an A level in bananas!! ) anything. The point is you will find yourself in a classroom on day one and in a room full of friends by day 2. Consider it. Some of my closest friends now are people I went to college with back in 2005. I was an adult and terrified. Felt like I was back on my first day of school but god I loved it. It was the best thing I ever did.

    Doesnt even have to be full time. Could be one eve a week. Just a thought.

    Anyway. Dont be alone because you are not.

    Take care. Thinking of you.

    Em x :-)

  • thank you so much I do a lot of. sewing .but I find it hard with people I don't no crazy I no but thank you you're all great on here much hugs x

  • Hi Dawn. It sounds to me as though you are actually a very brave person because so many people would not have the courage to move out of a long term relationship and live on their own whilst suffering from an illness such as fibro especially as it appears that you are living in a place where you know no one. If you were fit and had moved away from friends and family it would be a daunting move so you have done so well to have made that decision in the first place. Have a look at the Gov.uk site and click on the various links to see how yur ESA would be affected by ex partners earnings, etc if you did after reflection decide to return to live together. Illness can test the most stable of relationships, as i know as both my husband and I are ill so it can totally wreck those that are more fragile. You have to try and decide whether the relationship was not working because basically you were incompatible or whether the illness was putting a strain on the relationship as perhaps like many of us you and your partner were having difficulty coming to terms with it as it can be likened in some cases to a beareavement. It is probably difficult for you to look at the relationship rationally until you have had time to work through these emotions yourself. The suggestions by others are excellent about trying to join some sort of group or class as it can be a life saver. Just having the opportunity of getting out of those four walls can give y9ou you a totally different perspective. I have joined a Book Reading group which means there is no pressure on me to go on a weekly basis if I am really too unwell but gives me something to look forward to each week and an incentive to get out. Please let us know how you are doing and what decisions you make. Big hugs until thenx

  • What a great idea a book club, thanks for that I may look into a local onemyself x

  • hi rose wine. thank you so much I'm making friends on here I hope you and your husband are OK much hugs x

  • Hi I live alone most of the time ,my daughter is staying with me for another 2 weeks then she's off to japan , I have two dogs and to be honest I was without a dog for 6 months and it was arwful ,now I have my boys ,I am ok we actually discussed this today in pain clinic as I can go a couple of weeks without physically seeing really anybody sometimes in the winter ,this site has helped me immensely ,I actually wrote about how lonely I was in one of my first posts on the lupus site on h/u ,but I have to admit the fibro site for me is brill as I have a laugh here and some are as nutty as me :d which helps me however please think about what your doing about accommodation you must be true to yourself, whatever the problems you had before you moved out will still be there if you go back unless they have been dealt with , maybe some professional couple counciling would help ,there are a lot of positives living alone ,you choose what you do ,when and how you choose to do it , you don't have to think about anyone else ,if a partner is having issues with your condition (and that seems to come quite a bit on here ) as they can't fully understand ,you haven't got that stress of having to deal with that , you have to be selfish and put your self first now and if you have never done that it's hard ,I used to be quite envious of people thinking they had someone to look after them ,I find now that maybe I am the one to be envied ,I might add I was married for 25 years and have been on my own 7 although my youngest child is at uni ,I didn't become ill till 3/4 years ago and I have to say I got lost in my marriage and I have found myself again ,even if I found someone now who did want to be with me ,I would think very hard about it, as I love my own space and being able to do what I want .I worked full time until jan this year but my body decided it wasn't going to co-operate anymore and I lost my job due to ill health in July have you spoken to your doctor about you emotional health ,have you had any contact with social services as there will be a buddie system set up to help you ,get you out so you can meet people ,have a chat with CAB they my well be able to help do you have any hobbies ,even the local church can help there are a lot of groups out there who would be willing to help you just pick up your phone ,I have someone come in to make my bed as I can't manage a duvet ,please keep your chin up ,I have been where you are you have made emense progresses just by coming on here for advise just take it one step further and pick up your phone ,check your local notice boards maybe another thought adult education classes are a good way to meet people maybe photography just a thought

    Take care keep us posted how you are

    Shadow xx

  • hi shadow thank you I do have a hobby I love sewing but everyone I know has pillows and lavender bags and with not much money I can't afford the material. but I'm shire with all the people on here or shall I say friends which I'm happy with talking. on here any way hope you are well as you can be much hugs x

  • Hi dawn I love to sew ,my son wanted a quilt earlier this year and I was short on cash so I went to a local charity shop and bought a load of old jeans in fact some they pulled out of a rag bag (they gave me them ) and The rest I paid 50 p a pair and I made a rag quilt from them used a old wool blanket they had in there pet section ,the most expensive thing I used was the cotton to stich it up the whole thing cost about £25 . And it's a king size quilt I have used the old waist bands to make flowers and other bits ,have a look on u tube put in denim and see all the things you can make for next to nothing ,it's amazing. I am now also looking at pinestry ,I put the app on my iPad about 6 months ago and on the advise on foggie who does our pick of the day I have started looking at that, keep your chin up my dear you will be ok :d

    Shadow xx

  • Hi dawnlancaster

    I have read your post with so much pain and sorrow for what you are enduring in your loneliness and illness and I can completely empathise and sympathise with you. I think what everyone is trying to say to you is that you left your relationship for a reason, and do you really want to return to such an untenable situation? However, only you can decide this?

    I was wondering if you had ever considered joining a Fibro Group and meeting like minded Fibro sufferers like yourself? I have pasted you a couple of links below to Fibro directories, I am sure there must be a group close to you:



    I genuinely hope that you can find some resolution and relief to your situation, and find the answers that you are so desperately looking for?

    All my hopes and dreams for you

    Ken x

  • thanks ken yes there is a FM group in Kettering where I live but I'm nerverse around people hugs for you x

  • I am so sorry to read that you get nervous around people, but please try and remember that you are an amazing and wonderful person who deserve friends, respect and love. You are worth the effort!

    Take care

    Ken x

  • bless you ken you always so nice what a lovely person everyone has been so nice and I want to say a big thank you x

  • Lots of love and hugs xx

  • thanks everyone for your help xx

  • I'm on here as a fibro carer don't have it myself but suffer from depression/anxiety and see some similarities in your situation. First of all I think you should see a doctor, I think you may benefit from CBT counselling. Stick to an everyday routine. Get out every day, even if its just a bus ride, if you can't work do something like work, I volunteered at the local cat protection trust, all I had to do was groom and play with cats(no human interaction involved), listen to music, do art and craft(is there a scrap store near you,cheap materials)? I'm afraid you will need to interact with people at some point, I have lots of trust issues so I know how hard this can be but you really need as much support as possible, also if you overcome a fear you will feel really good about yourself and gain confidence. What you have been through is very stressful so give yourself a break and take things slowly. Good luck :)

  • Hello Dawn, I found that having my own place quickly became my sanctuary and helps me to better manage our friend fibro. Being able to do what I want when I want helps me. I agree with others that you will find many friends here, having so many with the same experience is such a blessing and helps me.

    I'm not too far from you as I'm in Milton Keynes and there is a local group to me that is just restarting. It's in a small book shop (also serves tea, coffee etc) and it's only across a road from me. If your able to find a group near you give it a visit, and I'll happily get to info on the group here in MK if you'd like?

    I have found our friend Fibro is a very lonely thing, even when surrounded with people for me can be a lonely as when I am sat here on my own. However with everyone I have come across on here I am never lonely for long.

    Hope today finds you a little better today than yesterday.

    Blessings Be

    Drew x

  • thank you drew but I'm not ready to face to many people at no but thanks hope you ok

  • Please, no need to thank me, I completely understand how it feels, as I know many others on here do.

    I'm ok thank you, taking it easy and trying to do things that make me smile. Hope you can to.

    Blessings Be


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