I am finding life difficult .and lonely.. I am in my 80s and get stressed and frightened with so many aches and pains ,selfcentered

I spend too much time focusing on negatives and I dont like myself any more.. I feel I am pestering Gps too much.even though most are lovely people. My family just dont understand and dont believe that Fybromialgia exists even though four of them are in the medical profession. (most of them live away)....Also with the depression and anxiety they cannot undersatand where the Mum of about 10 years has gone.also any friends I had.. I keep seeking answers to the whys and wherefores of my condition. I just have to say I am grateful to be alive , a supportive husband still in our own house and two cats. I can recommend their attitude to life living in the moment (age is no excuse I know)

34 Replies

  • Just keep educating your family and friends. If they still disbelieve accept that you can do no more. This condition is one we wouldn't chose to have and with little or no treatments and less understanding every day is hard work. Give yourself a pay on the back and remember you deserve at least respect and understanding. We rely on doctors to give us all the answers and cures but sometimes they are at a loss and unfortunately the medical profession spent so much time saying it was all in our minds they spent little time or money finding out the truth!! Places like this will give you the best support and information. You are not alone xxx

  • hi

    give your self some credit we all struggle and your doing an amazing job ..

    even to battle with gp family and friends is hard work .. and we all need wonderful people to keep at it .

    gentle dyslexic hugs

  • thank you for your kind reply xxx so sweet of you.. Vio

  • Hi believe me we all feel so down at times and with constant pain you do feel negative... If your gps are lovely then don't think you are bothering them... Without sick people they would be unemployed. Please come here anytime we will all listen, we all understand. we may not be actual family but we are your fibro family and the fact you are in your 80s and coping with fibro gives me hope that I will have a long life and I admire the fact you are in your home with a loving husband. Try to focus on the good things your husband, your cats and anything else is a bonus.... My mother sympathises with me having fibro ... Then moans when I can't do things for her when and as she wants if I am having a bad day. It's taken time but I have learnt that not all family act as we want them to.. Like you I have a wonderful husband and focus on that positive.

    Hope to see you on here lots


  • I do appreciate your response I really feel I have found a super group of people, You have cheered me very much.. Yes we do have to learn that families can be a bit iffy, but then so can I !!!!! I am pleased to join the fibro family,,, Vioxxx nice that you did not call me a real old moaner,,,,,,,,

  • wondering if I have replied senior moment well another thank you if I have not you dont sound grumpy at all. Thanks for great reply Love Vioxx

  • Hi, without sounding condescending I think you great, you sound very young at 80, your independent, lovely husband, home, cats that's all that matters

    Love and hugs nicki xxx

  • Hi I took your message as a complment I am told I look young and well which makes people puzzled, never mind they are not ino the fibro thing Love Vioxxx

  • welcome to the place where you are no longer alone, feel free to share, rant, and yes, smile.



  • Yes a place I can feel I am at home ..Very Best Wishes love Vioxxx Thanks

  • Hi Voletta - oooh your having a real rough time!! I'm so sorry. The thing about

    fibro is that the aches and pains take over your whole life and the stress causes

    your thoughts to run wild. It's awful and sadly many medical people do not

    recognise this horrid ailment. Like you I have a wonderful GP who is very supportive. Try to focus on the good things - cuddle your lovely cats and hug

    your lovely husband - spoil yourelf - be slefish - that is all that matters.

    Chin up + hugs x


  • Hi Lady I am really quite overwhelmed by all the lovely messsages. The lovely Gp is luck of the draw five Gps in our practice and you get what you are given, today was my lucky day, he is into other ways of solving my problems being the only one tio recognise my fibro symptoms you are so right in what you say my latest advice is to drink 4 pints of water a day so you can guess where I will be spending my time !!!!!! and to keep of gluten and yeast so much better than all the junk medication that I think does more harm than good . Love Vioxxxx the cats and husband are fine

  • Hello Vio, there is no need for you to feel alone now you have found us on this site. Virtual friends might not be quite as good as 'real' ones but every one of us knows exactly how you feel and will always be understanding. As has been said above, you are an inspiring lady and I am sure you will be able to give as well as receive support here. Be kind to your family who are ignorant of this illness. I have found that by leaving books around on the subject of Fibromyalgia, I am educating my family when they pick them up for a look (mostly when they think I am not looking ;-)). I too believe in living in the moment. Your cats are very wise!

    Don't be anxious about asking your GP to review your medication - it can make all the difference. Take care. All best wishes. Jane x

  • Hi Lady .. Good advice nothing like being giving and loving.... Sorry if this rather short it is late ... oh yes cats are a great blessing and true we are all together in this journey You take care LoveVioxxxxxxxxxx

  • God bless you, Vio dont be lonely you now have us and i think you sound lovely at 80 as well you sound so strong and get stronger your in my thoughtsx

  • nice to get your reply... your words are uplifting xxx

  • We are all here for you.

    You sound amazing.

    Piggle hugs xxxxx

  • thank you nice to meet you and I would like to think I am amazing hugss vio.. and know I am welcome

  • Hi Violetta, as all the posts previosly, I think you have done the best thing by joining this family. I to was feeling alone with this FM. Through this blog I have have found a terrific Fm support group in my area. If you can find a group near you it would be great. Our group meets every month or so, we have guest speakers, such as physio's and Rhuematology specialists from the local hospital to give us help and advise, it's just really nice to meet people who you can relate to and swap ideas for pain relief. This is a place where you can pick up information for yourself, but more importantly information to educate others. wishing you well. gentle hug xx

  • Forgive me I am really so overwhelmed by all the lovely repies to my message that I dont seem to manage to keep up just a big thank you hugs back,,,, as soft as a gentle wind xx vio

  • Hi Violette, I think you're being too hard on yourself as I do think it makes a difference being in your 80s! We are much more vulnerable again when we get older, especially as things begin to stop working properly as they inevitably do. And from what you have written even though you have family you FEEL alone in coping with fibromylagia. I'm in my 60s, retired, with a husband who is caring but solitary by nature, becoming increasingly hard of hearing, has an inoperable aortic aneurism and is on dialysis for end stage renal failure. We have a house that is too large for us but requires little cleaning that is absolutely essential and we live in a town with which I have no identity but that wasn't a problem when I was working 30 miles away. Now I'm at home not only do I not know anybody here, but I don't want to! But we've been unable to sell our house during the recession, especially when minimalism is the fashion! What can I DO all day? We have four cats and love them to bits, but they don't take much time or energy... You'd think that with all the time in the world and absolutely NO demands upon my time of energy I would feel great, but the opposite is true. My children both live abroad and although we have good relationships they are a long way away at opposite sides of the earth. Parents are dead, no extended family, no local social network, my two close friends 30 miles away. For me, perhaps as for you, there is a lack of meaningful things to take me out of myself so of course it is harder to cope and I imagine it will get harder as time goes on. I often wonder how I will cope in 10 years time. It is hard to remain positive when negative things affect my immediate world of me and my body - that does sound self-centred but when there isn't a lot else then we become self-centred. As we become older it is so much harder to make the effort to find new sources of support which may be one of the reasons we have both come on this website. When the children were little I had little time to think about me, when I was working the work had to be done, when I was studying I enjoyed learning - but even though I complained sometimes, they were satisfying and they did fill the time in meaningful ways. Throughout much of my adult life I had severe depression but in many ways I found it easier to cope than I do now when I am much less depressed but have irritating and debilitating pain and stifness from fibromyalgia and arthritis. I imagine things will only get harder as time goes on, and of couse they do get harder because there are fewer activites, fewer friends, fewer contacts, fewer hugs, fewer more important things to cope with! I admire you for being able to take a positive attitude towards life, but do think it is unfair of your children not to take you and your problems seriously. If that was me and my children I would feel really angry and disappointed in them. It sounds as though you've given your children a lot but that they don't accept that things change. I've just spoken to my daughter in Mexico on Skype and was so grateful when she asked how I got on at the hospital today (finally diagnosed with fibro), sent little smiles, caringly said aah and huggy messages. Do tell your children how you feel about their attitude even if it rocks the boat a little, at least you will give them the chance to express care. If they don't, you will have tried. Good luck, and cuddles to the cats - ours are all Burmese and beauuuutiful.xx

  • I am so sorry to hear about your troubles ....you do well to cope. I would write more only I need to keep moving or lie down ... Thank you for ypour reply. Burmese are super best wishes and hugs vioxxxx at the moment the family have rather backed off . things change so hopefully theywill come round

  • Vi and lemasurier,

    my heart goes out to both of you. Getting old is no fun especially when you are ill. Yes, you have to try hard to be positive, something I have struggled with for a long time. When you feel upto it try and start a hobby making things. I am learning new easy Afgan Knitting, I was fed up doing the same crochet and knitting rings, so I decided to do something practical and I can pick up and put down when ever. It is not important, but something to keep my mind active. I can sit and when I feel like picking it up and doing a little, there is a sense of accomplishment.

    It is a shame that people keep away, but I know that. I wonder what is wrong with me, I only talk about FMS if they ask. I know that some people can not put up with us telling them all our pain and suffering. I prefer not to talk about it at all. When you are ill long term and there does not seem to be answers, it hard, its all consuming.

    My Occupational therapist suggest to me to join a club. Perhaps you could make new friends if you have one near you. I remember when my parents were alive they had a senior citizen meeting Centre in their town. It was free and they could learn new things, have a cup of tea and a good chat. People are important, we all need friends, just to talk to someone else makes you feel good.

    Since joining this forum, I have read so many sad situations. You see that there are always others worse than you are. It is good that we all can have communication like this, I am starting to understand this illness, from all the comments left. Thank you to everyone, because this is a life line for some of us, support too.

    I wish you a good day today, and hope that you too can get satisfaction from other sufferers suggestions and comments.

    Cuddles to you precious pussy cats. They are the very best medicine you us, purrrfect!

  • Thank you for kind words , yes lots of good ideas I appreciate your concern, it is just one of those days when the fog has arrived in my mind. I try when well eough to do what I can and knowing I am not alone helps we are all in the same boat regardsxxxxvio give me time and maybe all the info will sink in!!!!!!!!!

  • Hi Violetta, I've just had an idea - why don't you get several copes of the booklet on Fibromyalgia from the Arthritis Research Campaign website and send one to each of your children with a little note asking them please would they read it as you do so want them to understand what you are feeling, or something similar. Just an idea, feel free to ignore me!xx

  • Thank you for your thoughts on my predicament much appreciated... as at the moment we have other isssues I think it would be counterproductive.. vioxx

  • Hi Just wanted to send you very big hugs. A good book to buy is 'Figuring out Fibromyalgia' by Ginevra Lipton, MD. She is a doctor who has fibromyalgia and get your family to read it so that they can understand. Keep smiling and trying to think positive, it does help.

    Best wishes xxxx

  • I will get the book and thank you.. as for family... that I think will somehow come right, like me a stubborn lot and it is a matter ..really living in the moment , odd how ones energy just goes.. regards xxx vio

  • Aw bless you. I am in similar situation. I have raised my children alone whilst struggling with fibro, raynauds, arthritis, and rheumatoid and now I am exhausted body fit for nothing. I have lived a very lonely life and been alone for 12 yrs. I have spent most of that in bed with curtains drawn and lonely. Now I seriously struggle with pain and disability and my children would not think to help me. I think they are so used to me struggling or moaning as their faces often tell me. I am going to buy some books and educate them and then I am very nicely going to tell them where I would like a bit of support and consideration. Remember you are still you inside your body but your needs have changed. My needs have changed so much that I am planning on moving to a warmer climate in the Canary Islands. I had a holiday there once and it the warmth and sun lifted my symptoms. My children have the option to come with me and if they dont want to come I will only be two hrs away. I wish I had a magic wand to give you what you needed to lift your spirits but I cant. If you think of something you could do, go for it.

    Good luck.

    Thanks for coming on and sharing because I got the title of a good book out of this. x

  • Go for it I think it could transform your life .the warmth could really help... ty for your nice message ... I have ben put on new medocation which so far just makes me feel worse oh they say your chest pains are panic or gastro Gps can be odd this one does not believe in fibro!!!!!!!!!! you are really kind vioxxxxxx

  • Hi Violetta, my Mum had fybro and they do say it can run in the family, so maybe your children will understand just how you feel one day, not that I wish this pain on anybody. I am only in my 60's but I feel very fed up and old sometimes, so you I think you are doing well and not moaning at all :-)

  • Interesting to read your comment as I think the reason my daughter is so caring towards me is that she has the insight and understanding to know that one day she may well get fibro as she has hyper-mobility as I did when a child and there is a link between that and fibro. I wouldn't wish it on her but am glad she understands and wish there was something I could do to prevent her from perhaps getting it.

  • Hi violetta,

    Nice to "meet" you. I guess we all feel old sometimes, & it has nothing to do with how many years we have been on this earth! Constant pain & lack of sleep makes me feel about 90!

    Glad you have your husband for support, & 2 cats. Pets give a lot of comfort to us, I know my dog Jazz does.

    As said before, if it wasn't for us, GP's would be out of a job! We are not hypochondriacs, & we are justified in needing some help & advise to get us through the days (& nights!)

    Families are funny things! We can't make anyone else think or feel the way we'd like them too, so at times we do not like them, but we still love them I guess!

    Gentle hugs to you & hubby xx

  • Thank you for kind reply..Yes I am lucky... having my husband with me and cats.. Am at loggerheads with Gps 5 of them all with different suggestions only one believes in fibromyalgia the kind one has told me to drink 4 pints of water and stay off gluten and dairy..I have anxiety and IBS one wants to put me on antidepressants and I react badly to them .I took one yesterday and felt ghastly rang Gp said all nerves this Gp can only offer me pills tha dont agree with me.and we cannot see Gp of our choice .They are tending to say if you dont change your ways you will stay like this for rest of your life.. Yes Familes are something and we still love them... By the way I have discovered No Panic help line they are on the internet and are avaiable on phone from 10am to 10 pm . If anxiety is something that bothers you they are all people who also struggle or carers .. Sometimes line so busy you cannot get them .Not really fibro I know Hugs to you very gentle XXXX vio

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