Not really a question more a moan....sorry

I am so down at the moment and dont seem to be able to lift myself up :-( I feel like im sinking intoa bottomless pit, I'm finding life (and my job so difficult) I would like to lock myself in my bedroom and throw away the key :-(

I have Fybro, oesteo arthritis and have pulsaltile tinitus that I have just had an MRI scan to try to disagnose the cause and they have found something on the scan so im being refered to another hospital (I have no idea what theyve found so this is added worry)

I am a foster carer of a very stroppy 17yr old and her 2 week old baby!! It is VERY stressful on a daily basis. Not only the stress of being responsible for the babies safety and appropriate care, but also dealing with the mother "kicking off" if I try to give her advice. It is too much for me, on bad days I cannot go to bed! I rarely relax! My friends and family have told me to give up fostering and I am sure you who understand on here will also say the same BUT I am worried if I give up that I will just vegitate..as my mum used to say "if you dont use it you will lose it" and secondly I am forever reading on here how people cannot get DLA, ESA etc so what would I live on? how would I cope financially? I feel like I am stuck in some sick nightmare! and just feel like running away.

Sorry to moan but at least I know you will understand (((((Big hugs))))) to anyone feeling down today xxxxxxx

11 Replies

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  • Oh flower, life can be so tough can't it? I look after children in care and I'm hanging onto my job if it kills me so I understand that you want too keep up the brilliant job your doing, if im right in saying aren't you allowed to have time off? Maybe you should put in for that to charge your batteries up and get some perspective, don't you have support from social services? daft question to some, but I know this isn't always the case, it sounds like you need some time out b4 you explode, and I hope S/S step up or your family helps you

    Love and kind wishes nicki xxxx

  • I was a registered childminder until beginning of june this year.I too was determined to hold on to my job at all costs.I learned the hard way that sometimes it pays to be realistic and stop or change your career to something more managable before it becomes too much to cope with .I had a knock on the door from OFSTED and the decision was made for me .when you look after kids it can be really stressful which will make your fibro worse and you need to be at your best to look after children.

  • hello Amanda , i totally agree , i fought nail and tooth to keep my job was moved off of a hospital ward into a clinic setting but still no improvement for me. I learnt the hard way and made myself so ill. In the end i had no alternative but to give up and as sad, upsetting and worrying as it was , apart from the stress i then had in dealing with benefits , it was the best thing i ever done. I am fortunate enough to have a fibromyalgia specialist nurse who is helping me to understand the illness and manage it better. It has taken a long time for me to admit to myself even that i am not fit to work as i am a fighter and dont give up very easy but that is not the way where Fibromyalgia is concerned. I could never cope in a working environment i find it hard enough now just coping with the stresses and strains of everyday life , i am no longer the person i used to be . Life can be so hard and sometimes i feel trapped in my own little world as others really do not understand .

  • Well Kasha,

    I think your a bloody marvel I don't know how you do it but please take a break if you can or you will just go down and down. I uderstand your worrid about money we all are. I can't even be trusted to look after my grandkids as I walk out infront of moving traffic etc wo how you do it I will never know. Good luck to you and hugs xx

  • Niki support from social services is none existant! Her social worker went on Sick leave before Baby was born and hasn't come back! I work for an independant agency, there not bad on the whole but they dont seem to have a clue as far as mother and baby placements go. Normally a mother and baby placement would be for 12 weeks so we get NO time off, No respite and Im not allowed to leave her home alone at all! so I get hardly any time to myself, this is whats making it more difficult because its so intense! BUT what theyve not taken into account is this placement is for 8 months until shes 18yrs!!! THat intensity would not be bad for 12 weeks but just the thought of 8 months of it is making me feel ill! Ive asked for some time to myself (mainly for hospital appointments) and they say they have no one else to care for her. I am a single carer so it is very hard.

    Amanda sorry to hear about you having to stop child minding, its just not fair is it..I dont know what else I would do Ive been a foster carer for 20yrs, I love it but its become harder and harder to cope with the stress....Niki you will know what I mean when I say STRESS related to fostering..its not just the kids the social workers give you as much stress! xxxx

  • Hi Amanda I look after children in a residential children's home, and I admit since being diagnosed and having health problems the job can be that little more difficult, but we gave a team for support, yes S/W are a breed unto themselves I grant you, but if I'm honest I've said if I can't look after the kids or do my job to the best of my ability I would leave, it must be awful for you, they must find you some support as you are struggling and your doing it on your own, they have a duty of care to you, and those in your care, so I suggest you kick some arse Amanda otherwise you'll give it up and that'll be a travesty for you for sure and those children that need , that 17 yr needs to learn a little respect maybe:-) xxxxxx

  • Hi Amanda I look after children in a residential children's home, and I admit since being diagnosed and having health problems the job can be that little more difficult, but we gave a team for support, yes S/W are a breed unto themselves I grant you, but if I'm honest I've said if I can't look after the kids or do my job to the best of my ability I would leave, it must be awful for you, they must find you some support as you are struggling and your doing it on your own, they have a duty of care to you, and those in your care, so I suggest you kick some arse Amanda otherwise you'll give it up and that'll be a travesty for you for sure and those children that need , that 17 yr needs to learn a little respect maybe:-) xxxxxx

  • Hello Kasha, my goodness, you have far too much on your plate right now! Do Social Services realise your own situation and that this is far too much for you to cope with?! Surely they can find somewhere else for the teenager and baby that would be more suited, i.e. someone fit and healthy with nerves of steel.

    Unfortunately with Fibro and other conditions we aren't as strong as we were, we need taking care of too, even if that means taking care of ourselves. I worked up until just over three years ago in a job I loved, it was an added bonus that I got paid for it! It became impossible for me to continue because of my health and I had to give up. What I am trying to say is that sometimes our hands are forced and we have to stop, especially if we push ourselves too hard and we simply cannot cope any more.

    Please look after yourself, remember you are your priority. Try having a word with your GP to see if they have any ideas about how to make things easier for you. I understand money is a big issue, it is with most of us and that obviously has to be a consideration. So many things have to be considered don't they.

    Take care and we are here for you, so please let us know how things are going for you, how you feel etc. Here's a hug for you.

  • Thanks so much everyone, Life is hard but at least there is a light at the end of the tunnel I.E. this placement ends in February so I will grit my teeth and do the best that I can. I will then NOT be taking anymore mother and baby placements and will make sure I hold out for a placement that is better suited all round. Ive spent some time with my daughter and grandson today so I'm feeling a little better now, it does me so much good to be able to come on here and get other peoples opinions that are in the same boat as me. THis is a place we can moan and people know exactly how we are feeling :-) thanks again to each and every one of you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  • Kasha, you cannot be expected to manage. there are always emergency procedures that can be actioned, no matter what they are telling you, you are not the last remaining carer. Better now to pass them over to someone else while you can help with the handover, than leave it until you are too ill to function. You need to put You and your health first. Maybe you might feel a little better after a few weeks rest and visit her in her new place, But it sounds like you already know it's too much.

    As to ESA & DLA, yes many people do have trouble, but please do not let this stop you, there is a booklet available to help you fill in the forms, you can get dla even if you work.

    keep in touch, sandra.

  • Kasha, I think it's about time you put yourself first and at least speak to Social Services and take some time off from fostering. Foster carers do a wonderful job, but if you are not well then you aren't going to be much good to the kids, sorry if that sounds harsh, it honestly wasn't meant to. I've had a bad couple of days and yesterday I was really, really down, but I better today. Our emotions fluctuate so much it easy to get down and think that you won't ever come out of it, but trust me you will. I call these times blips and that's exactly what they are. Gentle hugs.

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