Ive not written a blog before, but with the ever growing feelings of loss and confusion relating to my life I thought that I would give it a go.
Last year past quickly in a daze of confusion and fatigue, I spent most of my time in bed, tired, confused and in chronic pain...I can honestly say that I only had about 3 to 4 weeks where I felt okay.
With each passing year (11 years living with Fibro, coming up to 12) it seems that more of my life has been whittled away from me, each flare up has left me a little less able until I am now at a point where I dont recognise myself, it may sound daft but I just dont know where I have gone!
We define ourselves by our jobs, hobbies, interests, we are defined by our friends and the company we keep, our children, families etc...Fibro (and a degenerative spinal condition) has taken so much away from me that I find myself defining myself as ill/disabled etc...Fibro now defines who I am and I do not like it.
All this has crept up on me, I feel like Ive blinked and my old self has disappeared without me even noticing that it was happening.
I live in my night clothes, a good week is when I am able to shower each day, my achievements are brushing my hair, putting a bit of make up on, my world has become so small, I feel trapped.
Its a New year, I hope I can get back some of the things I have lost, it feels like a mammoth task, I dont know where to begin, Im even having trouble remembering the old me...do I reinvent / adapt/ accept change/ forget the old me or do I hold on and try to remember who I was and grab back what I can....The big question is, will Fibro let me?
A miserable first blog, hoping that 2013 is a positive year giving opportunity for happier upbeat moments/achievements to write about.
Love and gentle hugs to all,