Still down but a bit more positive.....I think

Monday was a really down point for me and left me feeling in a right old mess as anyone who read my last blog post will be able to tell!

I have spent the last few days when not in work in the corner of the sofa with my hoody on and the hood up! sounds strange but for me this is like a comfort blanket sort of thing, the hood up mean the rest of the world is shut out and i dont have to think about anything.

i spent the day with my friend today who had a rare mid week day off and she made it very clear she did not want to waste a day off by having me moaning and sulking ( this sounds harsh but she knows me so well she knew this would help me pull myself together a bit ) it worked and i have had a lovely day with her although at the back of my mind i still knew i wasnt quite right but i havent felt the need to rely on my hoody and shut everything out today which for me i think is good. i havent quite put it to the back of the wardrobe yet but im feeling more positive that it will get back there soon!

i am going to see how i get on over the weekend and if i dont feel any improvement i am going to get to the doctors on monday although the thought of this scares me!

for me the fact that the depression has finally got hold of me makes me feel a bit weak ****please dont anyone take offence by this. I am talking about me personally not everyone who has had or still has depression this is purely how depression makes ME feel not how i view people with depression *****

i know as soon as i come out the other side if this i will feel like the strongest person in the world and i cant wait for that feeling, i just hope it comes around soon!!

thank you to everyone for your support, it is very appreciated and very needed!

xxx

7 Replies

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  • With respect don't be so tough on yourself regarding depression. It is due to a chemical imbalance NOT a form of weakness (for anybody - not just your good self!). A chat with your doc is really advisable if you have been feeling down for a while.

    Wishing you many more hoody free days very soon. I still have a comfort blanket and am snuggling under it right now ;-). Look after yourself.

    Jane x

  • thanks jane, I was so determined i was not going to let the depression get me but its just one of them things that we dont have control over. i know its a daft feeling for me to have that i am weak but i know that it is most likely just the depression talking rather than my true self

    xxx

  • I often tell myself that I won't let the depression get to me, but up it creeps and in it gets. Once it is there all we can do is our best to evict it. I look at depression as a sitting tenant(albeit a quiet one for fear of being found). It is part of you and you are doing the right thing if you go to see your GP. When depression starts playing its loud music I make sure the GP knows and that it is on record for future use should the need arise, ATOS and such. Somtimes I look at as one part of me is drinking more wine than the other part(as in referring to the chemical imbalance as I do not actually drink) so therefore all of a sudden the depression has its own hang over. I hope you feel better soon and please do not feel you are weak. You cope with fibro, that makes you strong in so many ways, mentally, if not physically xxxxx Lin

  • Hello I felt the same about depression and felt I had failed everybody by having it, i was embarrassed and refused to go to the docs as I knew I would come out red eyed and make a fool of myself. The doc came to me in the end. She said it was no different to having a broken arm or chickenpox and just because you can't see it makes it no less important.

    If antidepressants make you feel better then there is no shame. You take painkillers and other meds for fibro? This will just be one more to help you cope.

    Well done for going to the docs, more than I did. Your a star for recognising you need a little help.

    Piggie hugs xxxx

  • hi , how are you today ? hoping you are feeling positive hugs

  • Hi, I am much the same today, not feeling any worse which is good! I have treated myself to a day of doing nothing today as I woke up aching all over which after about 2 weeks of not much pain was a shock to the system!

    Hugs back to you x

  • Your not weak if you can talk about it and your not weak if you hide everyone needs some snail time

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