More Stress!!

As if I didn't have enough to worry about. I have just found out tonight that my daughter who has just turned 30 and the mother of my two grandchildren aged 8 and 5 who are living with me since she separated from her husband is in a relationship with another woman.

I don't like the woman concerned and have my doubts about her. She has a son also 8 and has just come out of a relationship with another woman.

I don't know what to do or how to feel, I certainly don't want my grandchildren around her.

I have fought for my daughter and slapped everyone down who suggested any thing was going on, I even nearly fell out with my own mother about it. It has come as a real smack in the face.

My daughter has suffered with mental disorders (depression) for some time now and I wonder if she is using this woman as a crutch for her unhappiness as she tries to support her. Both of them have had difficult relationships in the past.

I am at my wits end and suffering for it.

Any advice on how to deal with the situation would be appreciated.

9 Replies

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  • Hi and blessyou it must have come as a shock toyou and i do feel for you BUT to be honest i was talking to a bloke i know few weeks ago who has a sister who is in a relayionship with a woman and has been for several years and he said i was gutted when i found out she had a women but i said to him isshe happy ? he said yes so very happy and i said well to be honest she is still your sister and as along as she is happy then what is theproblem? hhhe agreed , and really i would say the same to you obviously you have got granchildren to think about but i have found over the years it is so much easier to go with things as the more you dig your heels in and disagree the more people will go the other way so if i was you i would try to accept the sutuatio as it is at the min and welcome her partner into the family (always looking out for your grandchildren as they have no coice in all of this ) and just keep a eye onthings from the sidelines it will very hard especially if you are not keen on the person but i think you may find if you play it that way it will probably fizzle out and if it doesnt and your daughter and grandkids are happy which is really what counts you may get to genuinly like the person and could all end up a happy family !

    It is going to be hard but i find that route normally works good luck with it and i hope it all works out love diddle xx

  • yes i agree with diddle ,i know you say you dont like the woman ,but if you declare this to your daughter she may just dig her heels in ,if you go with the flow so to speek atleast you can keep your eye out for any trouble and you can still watch out for your grandchildren ,hugs to you xxx

  • Exactly the same thing has happened with my daughter all I could do.was love her and keep my opinions of her partner to myself hid her choice of gender partner as she wished me to and watched as the woman took all her hard earned savings and blew it then dropped her I am still trying to.glue her back together a hard thing to do when she lives in Zimbabwe and I live here if you go.against the relationship you will alienate your daughter and if she needs you she will not be able to come to you. It is soooooo hard but all you can do is sit it out with love and understanding. Petal

  • I know how you feel I was devastated when I found out my daughter was with a woman but now 18 months later they are totally happy and in 6 weeks time are getting married in a full big wedding with all the trimmings I now would much rather have a daughter in law than a son in law that messes her about my 2 girls are great and I hope you can work It out with your daughter

    Karen xx

  • wow - what a conundrum!

    however - there is nothing you can do other than be there for her. My only advice is for you to look after yourself. your mind will be whirring and this takes a toll on the body too.

    everything will work out. and since when was being a parent easy??

    warmest hugs xx

  • Unless this woman is a danger to your daughter or grandkids let you daughter have this relationship.She obviously needs a person who is there for her alone, I know you will be there unconditionally BUT we don't tell our mums everything do we? Sometimes exploring a relationship with a person of the same sex is more fullfilling than with someone of the opposite sex as it allows you to learn a lot about ourself

    I would sit down with your daughter, quitely, and express your concerns, maybe even get to know this woman she has chosen to be in my life.It could be the relationship that heals her fully. Remember that our parents didn't always approve of our life choices, and sometimes they hated out choices but accepted them unconditionally, but they supported us in our decisions xxx

  • Hi. I agree with Diddle, if your daughter is happy and until something you suspect will happen, does happen, I would let her go ahead. If it was a man she was with, you may have the same doubts as you have now. So is it that she's with a woman, or that you truely feel that the woman is bad for your daughter ?But as Diddle also said, if you dig your heels in against the relationship, the more she'll want to stay with the woman she's chosen to be with. Ive always felt that Id rather either (or both) my kids were happy in a same-sex relationship, than unhappy or unsafe in a hetrosexual one. You cant help who you fall in love with, as long as you can see when its bad, then do something about it, even if it hurts. Be pleased for her happiness and be there for her if it does go wrong. But only THINK "I told you so", dont say it out loud. good luck.x

  • I have taken on board all your comments and although I don't like it or agree with it I will let nature take it's course.

    However I will not have this other woman in my house again as that would feel like I am encouraging them and I really don't like her and I think she is a bad influence on my daughter.

    Thank you for taking the time to reply.

    Gloria x

  • Thank you Chris, I am standing back and letting things take their course even though it's hard. i too have had many gay friends, I even used to lodge with a couple who were lesbians but when it's your own daughter showing these feelings it's very hard. I just think it's a phase she's going through and I would hate her to regret it at a later date.

    There is much more that has gone on that would take far too long to explain on here.

    I have taken onboard every thing that has been said and am trying my hardest to understand.

    As you can imagine this has certainly given Mr Fybro some ammunition to beat my body up about.

    Hey ho, todays another day and I will paste on my fake smile and get on with it :)

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