I did rest well in the 12 days relief. I'm beginning to worry about dependence on opiod-based pain relief. I don't want to face it really, but i'm using fentanyl patches, codeine, oramorph, not because it relieves the pain, relief comes from knocking me out. It scares me. I am addicted now. I know there is no easy way out. Sooner or later, I have an amazing gp, I'm going to have to talk to her. She has returned from extended leave, and I know if I don't contact her she will call me in the coming week. I have such a good relationship with her, and she will know I'm hiding something and it wont take much to work it out. I'm a terrible liar anyway. I trust her to care for me. Just so scared. My late hubby used to say you are only as sick as your secrets! How on earth did I end up in this mess? Yesterdays' chat with eldest daughter, she and her younger sister are wondering what is it I'm hiding? The crunch is coming. I am def. not suicidal or in anyway tempted to harm myself because I feel so very much loved. That's not an issue.
Thank you guys, for listening and for caring. Tuip xx