Why do I feel so guilty

Firstly thankyou all so much,

Today I make a phonecall to the manager of the sheltered accommodation I put my name down for, there is a flat empty, but as I put in my last blog there is one gentleman infront of me. I do believe if its meant to be it will be.

I have become a person I dont like, and if I was someone else I dont think I would like to be around me!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm very bitter at the way my life has gone, NO the way I have let my life go! Fibro seems to turn your brain to mush and logical thinking becomes a thing of the past, one day my heart says one thing then my head will say the opposite and my body, well! one can't decsribe that.

What I do know is Im NOT happy and theres only me can sort it one way or tuther, WOW what a challenge on a Monday morn.

Wishing you ALL with all of my heart, the best day you's can possibly have.

HUGS

Susan Y

6 Replies

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  • Hi susan. I can totally empathise with your feelings of bitterness, as im sure many of us onthe site can; I know I have often felt like this while battling this horrible debilitating and life sapping illness. Like you I dont recognise or like the person I've become; I feel im always moaning or complaining im become over sensitive and very critical and even though I know I'm lashing out because i'm in pain I feel so guilty about hurting those closest to me -my kids.

    I think you hit the nail on the head when you said only you can change things and I guess like you im looking into ways to manage this condition better and try to claim back some of the things it has robbed me of physically, socially and emotionally. I have decided to start with a visit to my gp to get a referal to a pain management clinic, then im going to over haul my diet; ive put on such much weight as a result of fibro that I hardly recognise myself. Im hoping to muster up the strenght motivation and courage to join slimming world, finally I'd love to get back to dancing I used to do salsa and bellydancing along with zumba and to get bk to that person again is the goal.

    I hope that you are lucky in your search for a new home and that it is a happy lucky and peaceful home for you. Hopefully we can both come to terms with living with fibro and find some enjoyment in this new life which has been forced upon us.

    Il keep you in my prayers

    Good luck

    Dixie x

  • I honey, at least you have seen the way you are and admitted it hopefuly now you will be able to learn and change yourself which is hard i know but can be done, you will change because if you are strong enough to admitt you are the problem then you are strong enough to do something about it. I too have a brain that has gone to mush, i'm constantly in conflict with myself. Hope you work it out soon and get peace xxx

  • Morning Susan Y go for it the challenge is there for you to conquer. do hope you get your new accommodation best of luck to you xxxxx gins

  • Hiya - I too empathise - like Dixie says - so many of us go through those very emotions. You are on the upward stride thinking forward and planning to try and reclaim 'you'. I have recently come into the 'light' and accepted that the way I am is down to me. But even looking positively, we still get those days where it all seems too hard. I think it is about accepting the ups and downs and unpredictability of the condition and the moods, emotions and abilities that go with it. The most important lesson I am learning, and trying to keep in focus, is looking forward, what is happening now is happening, what happened yesterday, or an hour ago, or a minute ago, it happened - can't be changed so move another step forward and change it for yourself, however small. I really have benefited from reading a book about mindfulness, that also has a meditation practice CD. I don't manage meditation everyday, as is recommended, but I don't 'beat myself up' about it as I can't waste my precious energy on regrets, I am only going to try again today. If it doesn't happen - never mind, I will try again tomorrow.

    My aim is to go skiing again. Realistically it might not happen, but I see it as the thing at the top of the hill with lots of different steps and achievements to make on the way. However small they are, I celebrate and am proud of myself :-) Good Luck with your day, and all the tomorrows to come:-) xx

  • I wish you luck in getting the flat. As for feeling bitter, we have all been there at some point but we come through it a stronger person xxxxx

  • Susan how you are feeling is so understandable. All our lives have changed radically with having Fibromyalgia, I know mine has. It's hard not to think of all these changes, we didn't have a choice. When choices are taken away from us, especially when we weren't ready for this, we are bound to feel angry and resentful. We also feel guilt. Our loved ones have also lost a big part of us too with all these changes and we feel guilty about that too.

    Don't be too hard on yourself, you're doing your best! I hope it all works out for you, we are all here for you, we all understand how you feel. (((hug))) xxx

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