Dreaded conversation from my boyfriend - Fibromyalgia Acti...

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Dreaded conversation from my boyfriend

cxs957
cxs957

I have just had a serious conversation with my boyfriend, he thinks it would be better for our relationship if I move out. He is struggling to cope with my condition.

This makes me extremely sad and a bit angry.

I could move in with some friends from uni, but its not going to be easy for me.

16 Replies

So sorry to hear this. How awful for you but to be honest you do need someone around you who can cope with this. I've tried to put myself in my partner's shoes and not sure i could cope with him having fibro. We met after I'd been diagnosed and I was totally upfront about it. We made a pact that he wouldn't wrap me in cotton wool and do everything for me. If I can do it, I do and if I can't I ask for help. We actually laugh about it especially when he has a little ache or pain because I do the full sympathy thing but very tongue in cheek!

I can understand your sadness..love should be enough to see us through anything but sometimes it just isn't! As to your anger...try not to be...at least he's been honest about it which is so much better than someone staying out of pity. Who knows, maybe after a few weeks apart he will realise what he is missing, have thought things through and devised some strategies with how to cope.

I do hope everything works out for you.

Take care and gentle hugs

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hi cxs957....so sorry to hear your sad news. If this is how he feels then he is not the one for you. Someone much more sympathetic, kind and loving is out there waiting for you I am sure. Not the words perhaps you want to hear, but I am sure I am right. I just hope you move in with your friends and it is much easier for you than you think. Good luck and be strong. You can do it!

Well, I can't say I'm very impressed with his reaction and lack of support - he is obviously the wrong person for you though, it will take a way more special guy who is worthy of having you and your love - his loss sweetie ! X

I'm so sorry. Sadly, as I have discovered from my time as a volunteer at a womens' centre there are some men who walk away. My 30yr old niece divorced her husband as he was so unsupportive - she ended up in hospital with severe food poisoning on return from honeymoon and he didn't go and see her once! I do hope you can move in with your friends and they are kind and supportive to you. As Jan 60 says - it's his loss.

Sending you big hugs

Caroline x

Hi cxs Sorry to hear the bad news but as Nicki says he isnt the one for you,

I was diagnosed with fibro 2yrs and a few months ago i forget the exact date and married my wife 1 & a half yrs ago, when we first met i was fine and working hard, then i started going down hill, i had to leave my job and havnt been able to work for just under 2yrs, my wife has been with me all of the way putting up with all of my pain and mood swings, she has been and still is my rock. i have even offerd to sleep downstairs so i dont keep her awake with my RLS but she will not let me, even my 14yr old stepdaughter understands what i am going through, Maybe you should get your boyfriend to read your blog, that way he might see that he is not the only pearson who has to live with somebody who suffers with any illnesses. if he dosnt understand he is not worth it and you should find somebosy else.

Hope this helps you, I wish you all of the best

CHORLEY :)

Hi thank you for your comments, he does understand my condition but finds it very stressful to live with. He doesn't want to risk wanted to splitting up during my academic year and feels it would be better for me to move out to avoid that as he knows the stress would probably result in me failing the year..

I suppose hun being at uni you are not near your mum,the one a girl needs at a time like thiS.Not really up on this as wasn`t blessed with kids,but have you seen your councilor at uni to find ways of taking the stress of youself .I read on here where another young uni girl has someone to take notes when she can`t get in.Asfor the boyfriend,well as people who are as old as the tree`s always "there`s plenty more fish in the sea" If HE can`t cope now he never will.KIck him to the kirb hun and concentrate on your health aand studies.Hope you don`t mind all that from a wrinlkly hugs galore xxxx

That was me, I have a notetaker and a lab assistant to help with every aspect of uni.The notetaker helps if I can't get in as well as I can't write for very long. Thank you for everybody's advice. I think I will defintely be moving out, If he can't deal with me, I don't need to deal with the stress he feels. We've had so many conversations and nothing is coming of it. But I hope we will manage to continue our relationship because in a few years he might be better suited, we moved in together very quickly, haven't really spent a night apart since our first date, we lived at his parents for a while and then we moved into our own place.

So sorry,take care, you will ultimately know what is best for yourself digest the kind words from the FM group and a really big hug ...

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I am so sorrry i do feel for you and to be fair it must have been wful for him to have to say it to you, i am not sticking up for him at all but at least has sat you down and told you the truth he could have carried on with you and started to see other people which believe me is awful (been ther/done that/got the t shirt!!! twice) so he was honest with you and when you have bad runs you need someone who well i was going to say understands but unless you have fibro i dont think you can . so i hope if nothing else you carry on with your studies and do well and also remain friends and you never know if you are meant to be you will, i broke with my partner of 8 years about 6 weeks ago(we dont live togerther) because of fibro i had gradually been pushing him awy really because i di not want him to feel he had to stay with me as i dont know where this is going or how i will end up and we had a week apart i did nottell him the real reason jus said had enough etc etc and i did not contact him any way in the end he text me i replied and he came round for cuppa and i told him the ruth and he was devastated and so we ended up back together but he is so kind really so you never know a few weeks/months apart may be whats needed, but if not your only prob young and you never know what is round the corner so put a big smile on your face and think to yourself you are better than that and if he does not want to be with me there is someone out there that does. you take care and extra big soft hug for you today bless you Diddle x

I have lost 4 partners due to this damn disease, so I know exactly how you feel. Each time I was honest and told them what was wrong, each time they said yes, no problem I can cope (and I have 3 care calls a day, so its not as if they had to do a lot), but when the manure hit the fan each one buggered off saying how difficult it was for THEM. Oh shame, dont stop to think how difficult it is for US to have the damn pain day in and day out. Sorry, but if he is that selfish, then dont waste your time and your tears. I have found a good partner now who copes extremely well, doesnt see my disability, just gives me a hug when I need it, holds my hand when we walk, helps round the house when I cant. If he is selfish, give up, move on. I'm 47 - have patience, the right one will come, dont waste time on the wrong one

So sorry you are going through this but he is probably correct, and much better now to find out that he is unreliable now then later - I am assuming that you do not have any children with him so that you can cross him out of your address book. Don't think that in time it might get better and you can have a relationship with him, you can't, he is not for you.

I became ill one year after I married when I was pregnant with my eldest and my husband has stayed but I did before have a boyfriend who after I was injured in a car accident went to Canada and did not even have the guts to tell me (his flat mate called round instead). My friend who also has a chronic illness her husband walked out on her and their daughter but I was not surprised as he also walked out on his first marriage.

Sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs. There are good men out there, just try to keep smiling and don't expect them to be angels.

Jacqueline

At the risk of being unpopular, I think a partner has the right to decide if they cannot cope with fibro. Its a big ask, and at least he has been honest about it.

I was diagnosed 11 years ago, I had fibro and polymialgia, and had to take steroids. As well as the pain, I swelled up, put on 3 stone in weight and had the 'moon' face. I had to give up my much loved job,

My husband of one year was marvellous, as you guys know you can't even have a hug without crying in pain.

Eleven years on. I am coping with the fibro, I have flare ups but between times life isnt too bad.

I have found that my husband likes me to rely on him. His health isnt great, and he feels comfortable that I am not leaving the house too much, That doesn't detract from the fact he is nice to me, but everyone has their own agenda. Take heart, there is life with fibro, I hope all you sufferers find a plateau soon.x

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i agree he has the right to walk away .. but also that you need to find someonw who will love you pain and all ... for what ever reason .. enjoy being single at uni it can be fun it is better than him lieing to you or making you unhappy and stressed ... no i am not saying this is an easy answer ... my poor huby one year getts very confused and so do i .. doctor dont help but look after your self xxx take good care and enjoy xxx

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hi cxs yes it is sad that a loved one can not really understand what you are going through, but lucky for me i have a very good partner that does understand what i am going through, we have sep bedrooms all the time i am not well and in pain, but on a good day and night we spend together and enjoy what time we have got....

i am sure he just dont understand fully and that just scares him as not knowing what to do or to say....

so keep ya chin up and good luck in uni.

mess from my fella

hope things work out for you if not with this person you will find some one that will love you and understand what you are going through and be there fro you

My boyfriend is know basically begging me not to move out "/

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