Am i being oversensitive?: I've fallen... - Fibromyalgia Acti...

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Am i being oversensitive?

helenstaton
helenstaton

I've fallen out with my sister and now i'm doubting myself and my argument with her, could it be that i'm simply over reacting to things or has she done me wrong, I am on a fibro flair at the moment which does make me see things different sometimes.

Some neighbours that live close to me and my pregnant daughter have caught coronavirus and my sister's daughter is friends with the family, they've known for some time and never shared the information with me. I was truly angered that she never told me and all she's concerned about now that I know is that I don't mention her or her daughter's name if I pass this information on to anyone else. Not that I would gossip about them but I do think that with my low immune system and my daughter in the last stages of pregnancy it would've been nice to know.

I feel like all of a sudden I've realised exactly where I am in her priorities and obviously i'm shocked and disappointed.

Please tell me if you think i'm being unreasonable about this as it's driving me mad going round and round in my head day and night.

30 Replies
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Hi Helen. In my opinion I don’t think you are being unreasonable, you have fibromyalgia and if you got Covid how long would you take to recover (longer than the average person?) who knows! Also your daughter is pregnant! I think people in general are selfish and think of their own needs. If the family have Covid they should be self isolating and not mingling with others anyway x

I agree, it’s totally irresponsible in my book, she should be putting you and your daughter first not worrying about her neighbours, at least you know now where you stand

helenstaton
helenstaton in reply to Mydexter

Awful way to find out that your sister doesn't really care about you though but as you say now I know exactly where I stand with her. Thank you x

The whole incident is breaking my heart, I am not one who goes around gossiping, I haven't left my house for 8yrs so who am I going to talk to? I hate any kind of arguments within the family, I fail to put together what I want to say because I get so emotional and can't talk and cry at the same time. I hardly slept last night worrying. Thanks for putting my mind at rest, I truly didn't believe my own views at one point x

Nora22
Nora22 in reply to helenstaton

Your instincts are spot on this time; no one should threaten your life in a casual manner. And to threaten the health of your daughter and unborn grandchild? Your sister owes you a most humble apology and should make amends. If she won't, then just ignore her unless/until you feel like tolerating her.

No you’re not being oversensitive at all I would be exactly the same.

Thanks xxx

Hi Helen

I completely agree with your falling out firstly because your daughter is pregnant (my daughter is too at the moment) and secondly your immune system would your sister ever forgive herself if something happened to you or your daughter?

When you are feeling bad with a flare people really do show their true colours friends, family etc. Perhaps talk to her and explain why you feel the way you do if not write a letter to her or text but please do not lose any more nights sleep over this easier said than done I know but hopefully one way or another you can resolve this and she will see why you are so concerned about the whole situation 🥰💜🦋🐼

Helenstation - I am sorry that you are in such turmoil - bad feelings between family causes great heartache. I obviously don’t know you or your sister or what your relationship is usually like. I think it is hard to be logical when emotions are running high. Would it be helpful to think about your sister and ask yourself if she would intentionally hurt your feelings or do anything to cause you harm? If your neighbours are covid positive and self isolating, surely they pose no risk to you. In which case, why would your sister need to tell you? It seems to me that her omission to mention it has no bearing on her feelings for you. Of course, there may be more to this than is apparant in your explanation which would explain why you are so upset. I would suggest talking to your sister to explain how you feel in the hope that you can get past this, reduce your stress and resume your relationship with your sister. What do you think?

helenstaton
helenstaton in reply to Bewitch

I only wish they were self isolating, I do feel very let down by my sister as the information did not come to me directly but through my mother, when I contacted my sister to find out the true facts she was very reluctant to share and was more concerned about her and her daughters name being mentioned and getting back to the family, she instantly got very angry with me for asking and with my mother for sharing stating it was a private conversation, she ended up putting the phone down on me, i'm too upset and annoyed at the moment to even think of contacting her again,,, maybe in the future

Marty52
Marty52 in reply to Bewitch

That sounds to me to be very good advice!

charliejet57
charliejet57 in reply to Marty52

That sounds a good idea

Dizzytwo
DizzytwoModerator

Hi there, It sound like your sister doesn't seem to be acting in anyone's best interest IMO. I would be more concerned if her daughter had been visiting these people. She should have been tracked, traced and tested. Maybe this is why she doesn't want you to mention it to anyone. If you or you pregnant daughter have been in contact with any of your family or your sick neighbours may I suggest you may need to have a covid test done xx

Momo

helenstaton
helenstaton in reply to Dizzytwo

We contacted the helpline and are in the process and believe me we are self isolating, following all the rules, keeping us and everyone else safe xx

Hi helenstaton 🌿🌸🦋

I’m sorry about your situation with your sister. I fully understand your heartache about this rift between you.

I’m across the pond and can tell you that so many of our people have been ignorant of the facts or been misguided by leaders who refused to believe our scientists and medical experts about how dangerous and deadly covid 19 really is. We have over 220,000 deaths and the current predictions are 400,000 expected to die from this. Crazy things like college students partying with the virus the theme and whoever catches it wins the money prize.

Many of the people who scoffed at the thought they could be infected were and died with making statements that they were wrong and to believe the experts that it’s real.

Still thousands aren’t listening/believing those deathbed confessions and doing whatever they want passing on the virus to family friends and strangers alike with deadly consequences.

Whole families die because of weddings.

The most vulnerable are exposed and despite the precautions they have faithfully taken themselves others carelessness has taken their lives including expectant mothers and unborn children.

Every life is precious and irreplaceable.

You are not wrong about wanting to be told about who has it.

This info must be shared to save lives.

Your sister is wrong to keep the info silent. Maybe she doesn’t believe it’s a killer. Or maybe she ignorant of just what this killer virus does to the human body. If she googled how it effects our bodies and learns the long lasting complications as well as the deadly ones maybe she will come to her senses about this.

Knowledge is power.

Everyone who has had contact with those known to have this virus should be tested for it if they show symptoms that seem like a bad cold or the flu.

I’ve just said a special prayer for you and family.

Please take care and be safe my friend.

EvaJo aka EJ 😊🤗💗😘🙏🕊

helenstaton
helenstaton in reply to honeybug

Thank you for your prayers EJ, I live in a very small town and we have been incredibly lucky here until recently. I have been watching on TV how it's affecting you over there and it is shocking how you are suffering, I hope things change for you very soon xx

honeybug
honeybug in reply to helenstaton

Thank you sweetie. Much appreciated...believe me so do I.

EJ x 💗😊

Hi helenstaton - I'm very sorry about the distress this has caused you. I'm unsure why your sister hasn't mentioned this to you, but, the important question is has your niece been visiting these neighbours, & either her or your sister, also visited you? If so, as already advised, you & your daughter need a test for Covid-19.

If not, then I don't think Bewitch 's reply can be bettered.

My eldest daughter always gives anyone the benefit of the doubt. Why, because we lost her younger sister a long time ago. She reckons life can sometimes be way too short, & you never know when that might happen. I try & learn from my daughter.

helenstaton
helenstaton in reply to CM1EDSUK

Sometimes our children can be so wise and teach us so much,, thanks for your response xx

I don’t think you are being over sensitive in the least.

People don’t take Fibromyalgia seriously with some even saying that it is just a made up condition by the Doc because they can find nothing wrong with us.

Don’t worry about upsetting your sister tho because it seems she doesn’t mind upsetting you.

I hope your flare starts to settle soon.

Your right, very few people take the time to research and understand what we go through with this nitemare of a condition.

I do feel more positive in my decision after the responses from all you lovely and very understanding people out there.

Thanks Hereward-wulfson

I don't think you are being oversensitive. If it was me, anyone who had been mixing with people with covid, or even people who are out and about a lot would be banned from my house. We are shielding and have a notice on our front door to say so. People are in general selfish. If you were to get covid, your family would no doubt use it as a way to "boo hoo" around the place and get attention for themselves.

Helen,

To perhaps give the other side of the coin. People are very sensitive about this issue and I know many people are made to feel like they're at fault for having it. So it maybe your neighbours didnt want to disclose their illness to anyone else. They would have had to report anyone they had been in close contact with to Public Health England and as long as you had not been closer than 2 meters for more than 15 minutes you are at no greater risk then if they 100 miles away.

Try not to worry I'm sure all will be fine. As for your sister if it was me I'd make peace, but then I hate conflict.

Lisa

I'm not going to repeat what other people answered but I agree with them. You're not being oversensitive. They have been very irresponsible, is my personal opinion. Don't feel bad, you did the right thing.

Yesterday my brother died, no warring and no idea why, he was only 43. I have lost my younger brother and would give anything to see him again, I am heartbroken beyond words, so please make up with your sister because you never know what tomorrow will bring

I am sorry for your loss.

I'm so sorry for your loss, it must be incredibly hard for you, thank-you for your advice it has made me think, I will make up with my sister but she did hurt me so much and at this moment in time my feelings are very damaged towards her as I know if the tables were turned I would always put her and her family in front of friends

Thank you xx

Dear Helen,

I think its perfectly reasonable for you to feel as you do,you expect better from family as they are the ones who you are supposed to trust and to look out for you but not always the case. If it was a friend you would possibly break ties with them and move on but with family theres a guilt in you must try to get on and be family.You are right to feel hurt etc and I would not be budging until a genuine apology or something to make amends happens.

P.s on a personal note I'm still waiting for my brother and his partner to apologise from the end of June,ive had covid too and nothing,I now accept that you can't force family ties :(

Good luck x:)

Thank-you sunnysanie, it is incredibly hard for me to understand why she would choose friends over her only sister as I know I would do as much as I could to protect her and her family. I am feeling less angry and upset as days go by but only because I have to try and control my stress levels otherwise my fibro gets worse. My family have been showering me with flowers and chocolates because they hate seeing me upset and of course that makes me reflect on what amazing children I have here right next to me.

Hope your recovery from covid is a speedy one xx

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