I'll tell you why I'm asking, just had row with Daughter, (yeah, another one), about how much stuff I have. She would like to have a 'minimalist' home, nothing on show, everything tidied away.
However, I like collecting things, little bits & pieces from places I've been, things the kids have done years ago at school, that sort of thing.
Now, to daughter, this is hoarding and she wants to clear it all out. She says that memories don't need 'stuff' to be remembered. (Would just like to say that there aren't boxes & boxes around the house!)
She doesn't understand how I like and feel the need to have my bits and pieces around me. It's nice to delve into these memories by having them around, like ornaments or photoes.
As I am having a bad fog day, I am beginning to think that she is right, that I am showing signs of alzhiemers. Am I wrong to keep 'stuff', is Daughter right?
Please put my mind at ease. It's been a Long day & I am sure I am just overtired and worrying over nothing. Many thanks, Julie xxx
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Julie63
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Hi there Julie, no it's not dementia to want to save things that you like to look at and my guess is some of them have special memories, I'm the same infact I can't part with anything that my children or grandchildren have given me, ..so no your not wrong for wanting to keep your most treasured bits and pieces and NO it not a sign of dementia, take care Julie sending you gentle hugs and a handful of sunshine...Dee xx
it's nice to have nice things and memories around us.
there are many kinds of people - the one's that collect are just as normal as those who are minimalist.
even those who hoard decayed food or real rubbish (eg 100's of bread wrappers) - equally so, people who need to be ultra neat and tidy, are not necessarily suffering from dementia, they may have mental health problems inc mild depression.
everyone is an individual and sweeping assessments, pigeon-holing people, is impractical.
Hopefully she is just being lovingly concerned.
regards,
sandra.
just a thought, why not simplify the things you keep around you, (without necessarily getting rid of them) by scanning:-
the children's artwork;
personal cards & letters;
precious photo's; etc..
also take photo's of keepsakes & save them all
onto (several, make spares) discs.
then you can spend as much time as you like reminiscing, without unpacking it all, for the few things you'd like to see or think about. You can still go through the boxes when you want to.
Oh dear Julie, what a horrid thing to be coping with. I agree with both Dee and Sandra, but I would also ask why your daughter thinks it is her place to be telling you what you can and can't have. Are you living in her house, if so, she may have the right to comment, if not, then it really isn't up to her at all. I am also rather concerned that she is putting the idea into your head that you may have dementia , to me (of course I don't know the full situation) it sounds like emotional bullying and I would not appreciate that in any way.
Do please feel free to message me if you want to chat more, and I'm sending lots of positive healing vibes your way
I am so sorry to read that you are suffering in this way at the present time. I agree with everybody else who has replied to you in that it is lovely to have mementos and I do not think that you have alzhiemers, just some Fibro fog.
If you are genuinely worried why not discuss the issue with your GP, I am sure they will say the same as us!
No she is not rite to ask you to rid you of your memory's!!
Be it in the form of pictures trinkets etc etc....
Your home your possession s if said daughter doesn't like it she can always move out!
I would be rather annoyed if my own daughter decided what I could and could not have ! There your memory's no matter what form they come in and a certain time its nice to reflect and if you have something to show for it even better!!
I have fibro/me cyst on brain raynards osteoarthritis tmjd bladder da list endless but I would rather have a houseful of memories than live in a house where no living or life can be recognised!!!
Brought up children lived even though health has cast a shadow but love the things I have gained over the years!
She may have a different attitude when she has her own family!
I think its just a personal thing. We are all different and deal with our lives in different ways, illness or no illness.
If your daughter has her own home p, then she can do as she pleases, but please don't let what she said make you think you have any other condition. Just because you like to collect nick knacks from your past, there is nothing wrong with that at all.
Show your daughter all our replies. She is entitled to her opinion, but she should not make you feel bad for doing something you love!
Truth be known, i would love to have a minimalist house, but its just an impossible task (((hug))) xx
Hi Julie, my first question is whose home is it? If it's yours then you do what you want to do. Like you I have lots of knick nacks around and I wont change for anyone. As for fibro fog, I don't believe there is anything to say that it is a sign of a brain disorder of any kind so please don't worry too much, stress makes everything with fibro worse and it sounds like your daughter is adding to the stress and you really don't need that. Please be kind to yourself and live in your home just how you feel comfortable. Take care
I like to keep bits and pieces around the home to remind me of people, good times and even things like coins that were minted to celebrate the Queens golden jubilee (kids got one each from school) Anyway what I thought might be a good idea (if you don't live with your daughter) maybe have a craft room where you can keep all your nicknacks and make/buy plain objects to decorate with your oddments... (that is a word used my daughter and she is 14 next week!) maybe have a look on pinterest at peoples craft rooms and get and idea of what I mean. Please feel free to ask me if you want to do this sort of thing but not sure where to start... lots of people by the craft room storage from the big Swedish shop... In fact all but 2 of my storage furniture pieces came from there lol. So my answer is No, there isn't a thing wrong with keeping things to remind you of times (good or bad) it's what helps us carry on sometimes
I had not finished it is understandable to have mementos that reminding us of memories.
Lets face it things that have gone before are the very things that build who we are today.
Lets face it we arrive with nothing and leave the same way, but while we are here we build our lives and as we age we need to be able to recall times gone past.
After my Husband died some fifteen years ago I find talking about him still happens regularly. Certain thing remind me instantly of time gone by and help me to smile to deal with my emotions and to move on.
This does not mean you have dementia it just means you have memories that like a magician you can conjure up at will.
I don't have loads of bits and bobs, but I do have certain things that mean something to me. Some are on display and others put away for my own enjoyment. I don't think it was very kind of your daughter to throw dementia into the argument, we who have fibro fog have enough doubts about our mental capacity at the best of times, thankfully we also know that it is only the dreaded fog and it will go later, tomorrow, next week or whenever. Try not to let this upset you too much, we are all different, love and hugs, Linda xx
Hi, when I was a carer I regularly visited elderly people at home, a couple of them lived in minimalist homes... but not by choice, as they had become physically more feeble (please note, I did not say mentally ) their families had stripped back their belongings " for your own good,mom". Both of these ladies spent much of their time in sterile living rooms with no sign they had ever lived there. One of them told me she had allowed it because it would save time when she was dead! I really believe the relatives were only thinking of themselves, depriving their parent of their aides de memoir sp?
Hi there, I have loads of mementos in my house, some on show and some not. I have a box with 'precious memories' written on it and I go to it every now and then. I also have all the letters my dad wrote to my mum during World War 2. Your daughter couldn't cope with all of that! I agree with others' posts on here -YOU have what YOU want. Take comfort and enjoyment from them and s*d everyone else! Xx
It s your house and you can have what you want in it! Like you I have loads of photos and mementoes. My kids are 24 and 21 and I have lots of framed photos of them on all my walls ranging from baby photos to graduation and I am proud of them all!
Mind you I probably keep far too many memories, as my house is bursting, but I can't bear to throw items out that bring back such happy memories of all our lives. I think I even have every birthday and Christmas cards that my kids were sent over the years. I find it too hard to throw them out! I have things like their 1st cinema trip tickets and keep tickets from memorable outings.
I think I am too much of a hoarder and my kids do tell me sometimes that I need to let go of these things but it is too hard!
Anyway Julie just carry on keeping all those treasured memories because if you throw them out you may regret it
One thing to add, if you did one day develop dementia its these very things, treasures with no monetary value, which would keep you anchored to reality. To keep these things is not a sign of dementia, and fibro fog is not either, but to allow them to be disposed of by uncaring relatives might mean you would feel alone and isolated from the world in the distant future. I have mothers day cards from all my children when they were in nursery school, their little bracelets from the hospitals where they were born, even the little pegs (well washed) from the cords! My youngest will be 23 this year, they all think I'm soppy but I think that they rather like it, that I treasure momento's of their child hood.
My daughter is very organised and says I have "too much stuff". Unfortunately my husband is starting to believe her. She has four children so has to be really organised, I understand that. However what is wrong with having special items around, even if it is in a cupboard and out of the way anyway?
She has told me to sort out the loft, admittedly there are lots of sentimental things there, as she does not want to be responsible for it when I am dead! Nice!!!
Don't worry, it's not dementia, we all like to have things that bring happy memories, you carry on.
Thank You All for all your beautiful posts. I am sorry that I have not replied earlier, or to each of you personally, it has been another of 'those' weeks here. S'pose with teens it's always gonna be a bit like this! Well, at least I am reassured that fibro fog is not permanent, & I am not alone keeping memories around. Such poignant & moving stories. Thank you for sharing them, I no longer feel alone, and have told Daughter that while she lives at home she will please respect my stuff, and me too. Once she leaves to go to Uni & beyond, then she can set up her home as she chooses. I have agreed a compromise, I am going to sort out the er, stuff, in & on the cupboards downstairs and see what things can be gotten rid of. So, once again, thank you, once more my fibromates have restored my self esteem and love of life. Lots of hugs and warm, sunshine filled fluffies, to you all,
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maybe have a look on pinterest at peoples craft rooms and get and idea of what I mean. Please feel free to ask me if you want to do this sort of thing but not sure where to start... lots of people by the craft room storage from the big Swedish shop... In fact all but 2 of my storage furniture pieces came from there lol. So my answer is No, there isn't a thing wrong with keeping things to remind you of times (good or bad) it's what helps us carry on sometimes
Moving today - 26 years in my house and its MoVE day
cant cope anymore
Just feeling down!!
Have I missed something?
Having a horrible day :(
