Insecure and Scared

[Fibrocare]

Heyy,

I’m not diagnosed with fibromyalgia, however my girlfriend is. We fell madly in love with each other about 2 years ago after knowing each other since high school.

Recently, I feel like I’m failing her. Like I don’t know what her needs are or I can’t support her in the most appropriate way. It doesn’t help that I keep making silly mistakes in the relationships that hurt her as well.

What makes it even harder, is the relationship became a long distance relationship ever since the lockdown. Not being able to hold her and tell her everything is going to be okay in person is so difficult...

[lancslass56]

Sounds to me that your girlfriend is lucky to have someone who loves her so much and wants to be supportive.

I have been in a relationship for 15 years, had fibro for 6 of them and my partner still finds it difficult to understand and do the right thing.

Be patient and most of all just be there and listen.

We are also apart during lockdown but speak to each other everyday.

Lockdown will one day end and you can give her a big hug --- a big gentle fibro hug.

[Fibrocare in reply to lancslass56]

Thank you, I really appreciate the reply. I’m really just as lucky to have her, it’s almost like we make each other better people. It’s just before we got together her health was as low as I’ve ever seen it, and when we finally got together we were able to life her out of her darkest times, but it feels like she falling back in which scares me more than anything.

[Hazel_Angelstar Administrator FMA UK Staff]

Your girlfriend sounds very lucky too have such a caring partner as you.

The best thing you can do is simply be there for her, listen to how she is feeling and take into consideration that she may feel similar on that she is failing you.

This Lockdown is so difficult on us all ... And being unable to see and hug our loved ones is definitely the hardest part. But make sure you keep talking using text, phone, zoom or whatever.

I'm sure she is missing you just as much as you are missing her xxx

[Fibrocare in reply to Hazel_Angelstar]

Thanks for the support. It’s quite amazing that your username is Hazel, one of the things that brought us together was the Fault in Our Stars movie

[Hazel_Angelstar Administrator FMA UK Staff in reply to Fibrocare]

That was a lovely movie ... I'm not a big film fan but my daughter insisted I watch it xxx

[Midori]

You are not failing your girlfriend, or you wouldn't be here asking for help. Keep in touch any way you can, with Skype, zoom, or whatever; even phone calls will help to reassure her.

I can tell you are desperate to get to see her again and catch up, but for her sake as well as yours, please stay away from her until the lockdown is lifted. Many folk with Fibro have other conditions also, which can suppress their immune systems, so you are doing the best you can by staying away.

Cheers, Midori

[Foxydevil]

Hang in there, I know if I have a flare I’m irritable and no one can do anything right.

[achydunlin]

Hi, I'm kind of on the other end of this - I'm in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend of 6 years and we haven't seen each other for four months now because of lockdown. I have Fibro - had it now for about 5 years. What helps is: don't go on about condition too much, sometimes we just want to talk about something else but also on the other hand do ask how she is and listen if she wants to talk but don't say 'everything will be okay' if you've had Fibro for a long time you know it won't just go away, tomorrow might be better but it won't necessarily all be okay and it's okay to say that. Don't belittle it - early on in our relationship my boyfriend tried to be helpful and suggested 'cures' which annoyed me greatly as I was already overwhelmed with trying different meds to keep going and try to keep my job (which I did eventually lose). Be aware that she might put on a brave face for you but feel absolutely shit, I do that a lot even though he tells me I don't have to, but if you don't see someone v often you feel you have to make an effort and then it really takes it out of you. Be aware that sometimes just talking on zoom or whatever can be exhausting if you're in a flare. I don't intend to be short with people but a FaceTime/zoom conversation over half an hour I find exhausting. And don't forget she might more scared than normal of her health at this time - health anxiety might come to the fore. If she works she might also be worried about her financial future. People who are well and healthy have a little less to worry than us already in a precarious position - If I lose my job I'm scared shitless about getting another one that suits me (hours/days/location) as well as this one due to my health which limits what I can do - I can't just pick up any job going (sorry I know a lot of people are also worried).

Sorry that was a bit long. Hope it helps you. x