In need of advice

[QUEENIE74]

Hi everyone, hope all is as well as can be xxx

So I was wondering if I could get some helpful advice please....

I was emailing my best friend of over 30 years yesterday about how low I have been feeling (she asked how I was doing) I am going to be honest and tell you that things get so bad at times I think of only one way out.

Myself and my daughter were having a similar conversation the other day and we were 100% honest with each other about our thoughts etc. I made her a promise that I would never do anything silly no matter how bad things get.

So as she is my best friend I wanted to be open and honest with her and I told her everything. She replied saying how upset she was at how low I was feeling and why didn't I call her etc, I replied back saying that I just get so low SOMETIMES and that I was going to be fine and not to worry. She hadn't read the reply so messaged me last night asking if I was ok and that she was so worried she told "the guys" what I had said. Meaning her daughters, their partners and her ex husband. I told her I was fine and not to worry. I was so hurt that she had told others what I had told her as my best friend. I was so upset and just couldn't stop crying, she doesn't know this. I have to be clear though that her and "the guys" are like my family and I love them all to bits but I'm still hurting. I'm meant to be going to see her on Sunday for dinner and a movie but I'm not sure how to react. You'd think after 30 years of friendship I would know but this Fibro has just wiped me out and I don't want to say something out of turn because im confused.

So im asking what others think of this and any advice would be grateful, please be honest.

Lots of love and gentle hugs to you all xxx

[Hazel_Angelstar Administrator FMA UK Staff]

Sorry that you have been feeling so low recently. Reading what you have said, it sounds like your friend only shared what you told her with her family because she was genuinely concerned and worried about how you are feeling.

The written word can sometimes come across different to how we would mean it spoken, and it is possible your friend thought things are worse than you actually feel.

Also, if your friend would normally share how you are with her family, she maybe didn't realise that you wanted her to keep this to herself.

Hopefully this won't spoil your planned evening with your friend, and all I can suggest is that when you see her you explain how you felt in person xxxx

[Lou1054]

I think I would let it be, you clearly have people who care about you xx

[rosewine]

I think perhaps she shared as she was so worried about you and wanted them to also look out for you and perhaps warn her if you showed signs of being very low when you were with them.

My husband has mental health problems and sometimes he doesn't actually realise how low he is and it is up to me to recognise the symptoms and make sure he is supported. I often wish there was someone else I could share this with. Best friends normally have our best interests at heart. In the future if you really don't want her to share something make it clear by saying "this is just between us please don't tell anyone else".

Best friends or even friends are so difficult to find so don't risk losing her. I do hope that you are feeling a bit better soon. Thinking of you.x

[hen-house]

Im with everyone else on this one, i would give anything for a best friend - i used to have one but life took us on different paths, we still text every now and then but its not the same and you are so very lucky to have so many people that care - i think sometimes when your low things can seem out of context but i agree share with her how you feel and enjoy her company and friendship xxx

[bobbybobb]

Try not to be to upset at your friend for breaking a confidence, she has done it out of love and concern for you. What you have told her weighed heavily on her mind so that's why she probably felt she needed to share it with those closest to you both in order to know how to support you best. When you think of it from the point of view that no malice was intended and she was only thinking of your best interest, she probably feels just as bad breaking that confidence. You don't need to say anything out of turn, if you need to say something you could just let her know how upset it made you feel but you can understand the reasons behind it. The most important thing is spending quality time with your friend and having an enjoyable day together. xx

[Hidden]

Hi

Yes, I agree with everyone else. I think your friend was so worried about you that she wanted your other friends to look out for you too. Enjoy your evening together. Love and hugs Lynne xxxx

[FRreedman]

A few years ago, I was that best friend, and received a weird message, thanking me for being there, and whatever happened I would always be a friend, and not take things personally. I thought what is this? I knew my friend was not in the best of health, but....... I eat looking at the phone and listened to the message again and again. Then, I thought so it, the worse that could happen is they won't speak to me again, so with my wife, and one other friend, we went found and I locked on the door....... to cut a long story short , my best friend didn't talk to me for over a year, but has only recently started to talk to me again. She knows I did what I did for her benefit, and I was genuinely concerned for her, but she felt I had broken a confidence, however, you know what, because she is/was my best friend, I would do it again, because I care.

[QUEENIE74]

Thank you ALL very very much for your lovely replies, I really do appreciate all your lovely words. I think maybe at the time of it happening I kinda jumped the gun a bit. I will defo have a good night with her and we will both have a proper catch up. Thank you again guys

Lots of love and gentle hugs to you all xxxxx

[bobbybobb in reply to QUEENIE74]

Well you enjoy yourself and put your feet up. xx