Sadness

[MrsNezza]

Feeling really sad right now cant stop crying, been like this for a couple if days now. I keep looking at my husband & feel so guilty, we only got married last year, been together for 5yrs after both having bad relationships in the past. We had so many dreams & plans, all the stuff we weren't able to do in our previous relationships. We felt so lucky to have finally found each other & thought the past was worth it for us to be together now. We were going to travel the world etc & now i cant even walk half way up the street without being in pain. Although i know he loves me & i think he will stick by me i can see the sadness in his eyes & its killing me. Not a good day

[Hidden]

Hi

I'm so sorry you are feeling so sad. Will you please go to see your Dr as an emergency tomorrow morning. I definitely think you need antidepressants, they really do help your mood. Your husband sounds like the sort of guy who will stick with you. The sadness you see in eyes will be how sad he feels about your situation and knowing he can't help, tell him he us helping you just by being there for you. Love and hugs Lynne xxxz

[MrsNezza in reply to Hidden]

Hi Lynne, thankyou for your reply, still crying but went to see doctor who has put me on Citalopram take 1x10mg a day for next 28 days. I know my husband is sad for me & as you said he just wants to help, i must admit he looks just as lost as i feel, the worst thing is he's never been one to open up. Last week we ended up in an arguement because he suddenly decided he had to go & see his mum, which i thought was unusual. When i questioned him a bit more he got angry so i left it but i knew something wasnt right, a couple of days later he finally told me he had been getting pains in his chest & had tried to see a doctor but didnt want to tell me as id just been diagnosed a couple of days before. Well you can imagine how they made me feel. Anyway we talked it through & i told him he cant protect me from problems & stress, its how i learn to deal with it as long as he's honest with me we can get through anything just like he keeps telling me. I think he gets it now.

Xx

[Hidden in reply to MrsNezza]

Hi

So sorry you are getting upset. Pm if you need to talk. I'm glad your husband is bow opening up, fellas aren't very good at that anyway!! I know he was trying to protect you which us lovely but you are right he can't protect you and then you can help each other . Sending love and hugs to you both. Lynne xxxx

[thestorm]

BUT........ Through all of this, and sooooo much more, YOU found each other. That is a gift in it self, a joy, a blessing. Many here have no one to lean on at all. You keep the faith, know that everyday you wake up, and blink is a new day to start. The sun doesn't always shine here on sesame street, life does give many bends in the road, just look around, all of us here, special people in special places around the world are here for you my dear lamb. Take what you have, and make the most of it knowing it could be worse much so.Look up on line fibromyalgia and mental well being help. I did, and there is a lot of positive help and information for us all!!! I pray for you my friend from afar, be happy, you have love and blessings and talent. I know you are stronger than this. Punch it back, and stay in the day. Sending peace, blessings thestorm❤✝❤

[MrsNezza in reply to thestorm]

Hi, thankyou for your reply, i know i am lucky to have what i have, i just feel its unlucky for him. I will look more into things online as im finding this is the only real support around. Everyone on here has been so kind & helpful & with this support around i am starting to get my head round it. I just need to get back my inner strength (mindset) back in the right place.

Thankyou again xx

[thestorm in reply to MrsNezza]

Hi MrsNezza, There is a site called betterhelp.com, It may be of some interest, and at best ,informative. From there you can branch out your searches. I do not pay for any sights, just a heads up. Others here may find this of help too!!!! I practice what is called mindfulness, it teaches you how to bring back balance in the moment. If you would like, let me know and I can send you some examples. Keep the faith, here you have support and love, inner strength will come as you move forward in this life we have been given, remember we were given these things for a reason. Short story on me, I am disabled, as is my hubby, and my 17 month old siberian malamute dog "Storm". I took care of my entire family until they all passed, brothers and all. then I wept, and asked my Lord why would this happen to me, when there is sooo much strife in my life already. Along came my puppy Storm, and as I watched him go through all the sad things that this young puppy had to endure, as we helped him, I said, You are the storm, to overcome such pain and healing, without ever being able to tell us how you as a puppy felt each and everyday!!! Storm is better now, with much help, love, and us. So if an innocent creature could overcome, we surely can. There is a quote I share, and live by, as puppy storm is my rock and example of life, and my user name, the quote I share is this " The devil whispered in my ear, You are not strong enough to withstand the storm, Today I whispered in the devil's ear, I am a person of faith, A warrior of Christ, a Child of God, I AM THE STORM". Whatever your belief, or faith, lean on it, and us here to, and you can be a storm to! Peace, and blessings to you and all, thestorm

[Fra22-57]

I was constantly telling my husband to find a another woman.They want you as they love you in sickness and health.It doesn't mean you wont improve.I have.I couldn't even get out of bed at one stage.I have had bad times when in wheelchair and became very low but I fight for life and hang onto my husbands arm and he helps me walk now.Dont spoil that beautiful love you have.Just you both do what you can together however small that is.the main thing you are doing it together

[MrsNezza in reply to Fra22-57]

Your husband sounds just like mine. All he's been saying is it doesn't matter what we can & cant do as long as we do it together, he'd rather have that than not have me at all. I think we are two very lucky women

[Fra22-57 in reply to MrsNezza]

Aww that's very sweet of you to say that.I have lots of auto immune diseases plus others but lots of meds.was never offered anti depressants but I have daughter with fibromyalgia and is on one. What ever works and makes you feel better thou.take care of each other

[Hidden in reply to Fra22-57]

Hi

Sorry to but in but you are both lucky as I am too. I didn't have a walker with seat but if we are going to be out for longer then u hire a wheelchair, my husband pushes me around, he said he'd much rather do that and know we can go on these trips together. Love and hugs Lynne xxxx

[Fra22-57 in reply to Hidden]

We have such wonderful partners.what would we do without them sadly some are not so fortunate

[Hidden in reply to Fra22-57]

Yes, I quite agree. Take care Lynne

[caico]

I've had fibro for 13 years and big problems with menopause so really miss the intimacy with my husband (if you get the drift!). He's a wonderful man and I also have very dark days; including guilt for dragging him into my world of pain and occasional hopelessness. We have talked about it many times and he just loves me and is happy for me when I have better days. Dont beat yourself up about it - just take one day at a time. Antidepressants/meds work for some people but I gave that all up apart from some paracetamol. Try alternative medicine eg. Acupuncture; alter your diet eg. Gluten free/dairy free; keep your mind busy eg. Jigsaws; keep moving eg. Walking, simple exercises. Take care

[MrsNezza in reply to caico]

Thankyou for your reply, see when i read replies from other people i feel lucky & guilty, dont get me wrong the pain is & can be excruciating & everything else that goes with it but when i read what other people go through & have gone through i feel that i need to get a grip of myself. My husband is a wonderful man too but you hit the nail on the head, its the dragging them into in this world. I am going to take advantage of the antidepressants that have been given to me as a temporary measure just to get my strength back in my mind, while i pull myself together as i have already said no to other medications. I tried the prebaglin for a bit but didnt get much benefit from that, other than them knocking me out so ive got myself booked in for an acupuncture session on Fri hopefully that will help. I have been looking into yoga classes. I think diet will be one of the hardest though as ive never had to worry about what i eat, & never really been a healthy eater. Amyway thankyou again for your reply & advice. xx

[Bluenordic]

Hi Mrs Nezza, it's ok to feel sad sometimes. I think as we come to the realisation of our lives changing with this condition we have to let go of some dreams. I too have been in that place, as have many others here. Be gentle with yourself. Think about what you can do. As an example, my husband wants us to go away for an overnight trip to Liverpool. I know the journey driving will take 4 -5 hours. He then wanted to go from arrival to a see a collection, so hold on says I NOPE, not enough spoons to do all that, need to pace. Won't even be able to walk half a block after all that driving. So instead we will go and book into hotel directly, NOTHING else. Just food that he can get or room service. Stay overnight and go to exhibit next day. Then that's it for that day. Pacing for that will take up all my spoons for the day. So, another stay overnight and then home. So it's not about not being able to do those things you dreamt of but breaking each one into component parts, the sizes dont matter to anyone else as long as you are able to cope with each part and don't use all your spoons doing it. The trick is to remember the overall goal not how you got there. Big steps, little steps are all the same at the end.

So then as others have advised if this continues I would also suggest that you see your GP for some additional support.

[panda60]

Pleased to hear you have seen your GP and are trying antidepressants. I have been on them on and off over the years and have been on them again for two years and will continue for a while as I was severely depressed and couldn't cope with issues around having chronic illnesses, losing both my parents within 9 months and on going family issues.

People do not understand depression like they do with a physical illness. Crass comments I have had are 'I wouldn't take the pills just sit down with a glass of wine' 'there are always people worse off than you' 'I have days when I feel fed up' etc etc etc! It makes me feel angry, guilty, letting others down, selfish and a myriad of other things. But it is an illness like any other and I keep reminding myself of that. I have been married for 39yrs and we have had our moments like all married couples but we have managed to stick it out and are good friends. Can't go away on fancy holidays but manage days out and UK holidays and it is a joy to spend time with our grandchildren. My main solace is knitting which works as distraction and I know others find the same with colouring books.

Hope you feel better soon. xx

[MARION7]

Huge hug from me Mrs N. 🌹xxx

[Hidden]

Thoughts shared from the heart are a rare and beautiful thing,

My heart goes out to you

Love Peace and Tranquility To you Both

Maxxx

[Hidden]

It sounds like you have a great guy that really cares about you. I myself have told my hubby to go find someone else as I feel so guilty that I can't do the things we used to or that when am really bad I snap at him all the time which sends us both in a mood which is not great. But through it all he says he still loves my pains and all sending hugs 😘

[waylay]

Hey there,

When it became clear how disabled I was going to be, long-term, and that I wouldn't be able to live in the US, my partner of 6.5 years left me. It was so painful, but I'm glad he did it. If he'd stayed out of obligation, there would have been so much resentment in our relationship that I'm sure it would have poisoned us.

My partner A, on the other hand, met me 3.5 years ago, during a period when I was doing fairly well (for me). Within 2 months everything went downhill, and I've been much worse ever since. He's still here. A while ago I asked him why on earth he sticks around, and he said 3 things:

1. He loves me. I can't go for a walk with him, which is sad, but we do watch movies together, play games, talk politics, etc., and he can go for walks alone or with other people. My health doesn't change who I am, just what I can do. He loves me, not my ability to do things.

If your hubby is there with you, then he loves *you*, not what you can do. (It sounds like you have a really special connection, too. You don't give that kind of thing up.) That doesn't mean he's not sad - I bet he is sad about the things you guys wanted to do and won't be able to, now. (Although a lot of people on this forum find ways to attain those dreams - just in slightly different ways.)

Remember that this is all new, too. As you learn more about your condition, you'll learn ways to cope better.

2. I don't expect anything of him. I don't get annoyed if he doesn't do something that would help me. He says that since I don't expect him to limit his activities, or take over the laundry, or whatever, he doesn't feel like he *has* to do anything. Instead, he chooses to do them, and that makes him happy.

3. I don't mind if he goes and does things without me. It hurts, yes, because dam*it I want to do it too! I can't. He can. So I encourage him to do so. It's hard, but it seems to work.

We're early days here, so I can't promise this will continue, but hopefully a bit of sunlight through the clouds?

[Chrystal]

Hi sorry you are feeling low, we all have our times like that.

I just wanted to say that it is really hard to get your head around the diagnosis. Relief to have a “name” for all those feelings but then when you start to look into it it becomes frightening & depressing. I felt my life was over to an extent, I have been through cancer, hysterectomy and lots of illnesses and I felt this was the final straw. I just wanted to give up and because I was put on Amitriptyline I was really struggling to function. It helped with the sleep but I would struggle to get up at midday and still feel very hungover until late afternoon. I couldn’t go to work and was becoming a bit of a hermit. The best help I had was going into the hydro pool at the hospital which got me moving and from there was referred to local gym to do aqua gym & yoga. It is hard going at times but the more you move the more active you will become. I was able to get back to work and start living again.

Still life keeps throwing curb balls (my husband had a bad accident & my mum died) so low mood has been hard for both him & myself but we are coming through it and are still together. I have had times when I have said to him that he should leave me and find someone else but he seems to love me no matter what and so I am very lucky there. When I am stressed is when the fibre flares up but I am getting better at dealing with it.

My second saving Grace is CBD which has enabled me to be pretty much pain free & I now sleep really well without taking other painkillers. I have had another setback (broke my kneecap in December and have had to have a couple of ops, I have been stuck without driving/getting out & about for over 8 months. This obviously has severely effected my mood but I am going back to work next week and I have managed to keep going with the fibromyalgia.

Life has improved so much since the early days. I don’t normally comment but I just want to say that you have got to get your head round it, don’t let it control your life because it will, you need to take control of it!! You can still travel the world together but maybe at a slower pace!

Wishing you well xx

[Hidden]

I’m so sorry it gets you down, I totally understand it, I have been there myself but please don’t let it stop you travelling. Your dreams can still come true, you just have to adapt. I absolutely love travelling myself but can’t even walk more than 25 meters anymore. I have bought a light weight mobility scooter (travelscoot). I take it everywhere, been around Italy, France, Iceland and North Africa with it. I just travel slower than others, I plan plenty of rest days in between and don’t fly further than 3.5 hours from the UK. It’s all about pacing, pacing, pacing.

It took me quite a few years to come to terms with my health, counselling has been very helpful for me to reach a level of acceptance. There is help out there.

Why not start with planning a weekend away somewhere near and build up from there and don’t feel you have to spend all day sightseeing. My schedule would be something like; sleep in, visit a gallery for an hour or so followed by lunch, afternoon nap, theatre in the evening. Always make sure you have a hotel centrally so you can rest whenever you need to. (and don’t be afraid of taking an Uber/taxi back to the hotel/parking lot if you are too tired to walk back)

Sending you a big hug 🤗