LOTS OF RE THINKING MY RELATIONSHIP I THINK ????!!!!!

I have been with my partner for 8 years and we dont live together i have told him i will never live with him /get engaged or get married he has known that froim the start. so i have never given him any false hope and he is happy to be the same .We broke up for a week in Jan i left him and he contacted me after a week we did not argue jus felt i was ok on my own he never stays anymore he used to sleep on fri/sat but since fibro that aint happening so the physical side is non existent and has been for 6 months which bless him he is 54 and fine with it, in fact it was the 1st time we had shared a bed for 6 months when we went to London and he never once tried to touch me so bless him for that

but i have been thinking lately do i really want to be in a relationship we dont really see much of each other he comes every evening at 8pm goes home at 11 pm then on sat sun he picks me up in the morning weather permitting we take the doggy to the north beach for hour max and thats it our week but i just dont know where we are goiung to end up as i dont ever wanna live with him so lots of thinking to be done me thinks ???

i think the final straw has been my parents paying for my car yesterday when he said he could not do it until he had room in his drive yet if someone now called him to do a paying job he would def make room so what does that tell you ???? i think i know the answer ????

love to you all Diddle and p.s i will get off my soap box now lol !!!!

17 Replies

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  • Love to you. Was always rubbish at the relationship part of life hence single many years. Not always by choice. It's obvious I don't know what I want but the difficulty comes having always been in relationships over 20 years or so I have long lost of what I don't want! in any new one. One are of life I would NEVER offer advice! But always happy to listen to you work it through for your self if you need help x

  • Yeah i know i wa sthinking allowed really i gotta make my own chouce and its got tobe my own decision there are only 2 people in relationship and they are the only 2 who can work out what is what lol but thankyou for being there it is very kind of you i dont know always something it jus been married twice been onmy own 5 years then withpartner 8 years what a waste of years well not all of them but you know what i mean but i only 46 and canyt just stay for sake of it will work it out in my head lol love to you diddle xxxxxx

  • hi hunny i think you should find out what you whant and then find out the same for him , and then take it from there . you may find out that he just needs the company

    if so that may just soot the both of you if not the dich him you must think of yourself and be selfish as to much strees does us no good . if having him around makes you stressed then get rid .

    this is all very easy for me to say as i am in a good partneship my hubby is fab

    so things are very easy to say

    this is something you have to do on your own , and try not to lett anyone make your mind up but you . it must be what you whant not what anyone else whants

    i now it is hard but you are strong and will chouse what it best for you . i will be thinking of you and now you will chouse what is best for you

    sory if it does not make much sense but been up at 5/30 and at mo away with the mixer . so be strong aand you will now what to do

    soft hugs and good look with choosing what to do

    love to you and all my soft huggs kath xxx ps you have been together for a long time and you may finde that he just needs to be with you and around you

  • Im sure you will make the decision that is right for you, i was married for 16 years (got married too young) had 4 fantastic children now divorced and been on my own for 25 years now

    i think we are all so different and you come across as a very independant woman, and only you know how you really feel.

    Just make sure you stay happy even with this lovely fibro,

    Best idea yet go buy a cake

    and we are all here for you.

    Good luck and hugs

    Lin x

  • Bless you , hope you make the right decision for you sweetie . I've only been with my man for 2 years and he's a darling but he seems to be my friend and carer more than my lover cos I'm not the same women he fell for , the all night dancing me seems well gone . After being with my 7 kids dad for 26 years of domestic violence i finally thought my life was going along great when i seperated from him , got a full time job , lovely new man , then bang fm strikes and I'm almost housebound.I hope you sort your dilemma soon and the chirpy Diddle returns xx

  • Hi floozy, So glad you've found a good man after so many years of hell. I hope you don't mind me honing in on that part of what you said. I was in a dreadfully violent relationship for 13 years. Messed up in so many ways. I probably drive everybody nuts because I often look for connecting threads amongst us - I suppose I'm searching for why I (and we) ended up with fibro. I know they think PTSD can be a catalyst and I'm sure that years of domestic violence counts as that and a lot more. Anyway, maybe I could ask a question although not everybody wants to disclose. I was a researcher towards the end of my working life (or what certainly feels like the end for now) and I guess old habits die hard.

    I don't feel I can offer our lovely Diddle any advice with my relationship history so just offered an ear. She and I are often up early and have a chat.

    Hope you and your lovely man have a nice evening.

    Whippet x

  • Thank you Whippet ,im told the many things i suffer with health wise are attributable to all those long years and my childhood was quite horrific too . i dont mind anyone asking me anything and will always try to answer with honesty .my lovely man is off to the midlands for the weekend so i have my home to myself which is very nice too , sometimes you dont need words you just need someone to listen , you enjoy your evening too x

  • Diddle it sounds like a friendship , why not just keep it at that x

  • Hey diddle, why don't you want to live together? My mum is very ill and struggles to sleep in the same bed as dad, always has. And she even moved out for a bit because she didn't know what to find but now they sleep in separate rooms and are really happy.

  • I think you do need to find out what you want, this illness makes us very vunerable and if we re not supported it canhurt, * yrs is a long time to be together, but if its not right now it never will be, hope you can find the right answer

  • Love to you. Was always rubbish at the relationship part of life hence single many years. Not always by choice. It's obvious I don't know what I want but the difficulty comes having always been in relationships over 20 years or so I have long lost of what I don't want! in any new one. One are of life I would NEVER offer advice! But always happy to listen to you work it through for your self if you need help x

  • hey the diddle

    please remember there are two in a relationship or a non relationship i was trapped in a bad one for 44 years..

    i was desperately nhappy and then when i left i grieved for him despite the abuse. it was like grieving a death we could not talk things thru. perhaps you need to sit down and tell him all of you doubts etc all of them he may be unaware fo what you feel. then if it doesnt work make your decision with your health and well being in mind. petal

  • Diddle think only you can wrk that one out and everyone is very helpful on here. Always an ear just around the bend when needed.

    Some i guess would love what you have aswell. Women think i am lucky, but it's behind closed doors that matters between a couple.

    Like whippet i was in a violent relationship for 10 yrs young and vulnerable and 3 kids. You hear that am sorry and see tears... Until the next broken bone and flight of abuse.

    I been with this marruage 16 yrs! One child, but if i was personaly to become ever single i would happily stay single!!! And just enjoy a little happiness here and there (not sexual) lol the engines conked out on my behalf but also i really dont want my hubby at 41 missing out somewhere else. He does say if yours has died mines chopped off (blush) haha but i admit i was a rabit 2 yr ago not even a snail now lol. It does get to you and mines upset me today had some disagreement (hardly ever argue) but he said well all i hear from you is wrk wrk wrk or your illness everyday!! :-O gobsmacked so am in bedroom sulking :-( .. Now he has been there and helps out a LOT but now i actually not sure that this will wrk myself . I just well your free to go !! Ohhh diddle hard sometimes trying to make decisions so go with ypur heart xxxxxxxxxcclots of love

  • Thankyou fairy cazzle it is hard at times isnt it but i will work it out not russhing into anything jusyt getting things right in my head and will take day at a ime love diddle xxxx

  • Hugs Diddle and to all of you. Ive been with my Husband 23 yrs & married 18 this year. BUT we have had ups & big downs over the yrs. And there are still times now, i think am i doing the right thing. One thing i will say is. Write down the good things about being with your fella, and the bad things.

    I understand about how you feel with your car. Id be pissed off too.

    Im sure that you both make each other happy. We are all here for you hun, and thinking of you. Just take your time.

    Hope things work out for you both.

    Diddle have some CAKE !!!

    Love to you. Helen xxx

  • Well, I lost my husband to MS 27 years ago, when he decided he needed 24/7 care and went into a nursing home.I had 5 children aged between 1 & 10 to look after. I have had a good male friend, but no serious relationship even tho' for monetary reasons my Husband & I had to get divorced(For some reason you can't be married and both be claiming benefits!! if one of you lives in a different location!) Anyway, I am mistress of my own remote control and altho' I do miss some aspects of a relationship, have never wanted to take the plunge. My'husband' We still refer to each other as husband and wife, is in a nursing home just 15 mins drive from me now. Altho he was in Devon for a while. I live on Surrey/ Hants border. I visit him most weeks, altho as he has lost his power of speech it can be a bit trying.

    I think Diddle, if you are happy on your own then perhaps it would be kind to end the relationship, but if your partner is happy to be a friend and join you in doing things at weekends, well perhaps that is the way to stay? I have never NEEDED anyone. I am quite happy on my own, but some people aren't.

    At least you can do as you please. And eat cake when you want!! Without giving a thought to anyone but yourself.Just wish I could eat the cake!!! Take care. Sue.x

  • Ive thought about this all weekend, the physical side of a relationship is very important even if its only a cuddle, my hubby is setting up his own business , hes 56 and working all the hrs god send and also looking after me, its very easy to let a relationship slide away,knowing that theres someone who loves you and who you love is something money cant buy, if your not happy in your relationship Diddle , find some one who can make you happy or if your happier alone , thats fine , its your choice, being with the wrong person is the same as being alone anyway, I hope you soon find happiness you deserve it

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