Dr. Gabor Maté "When the Body Says NO"

[RayB]

Came across this guy today.

I somehow think most here will be able to relate to his words.

From my own experiance I can. Fibro came along when I was caring for my two parents single handed 24/7/365 One with alzhimers and the caring went on for over 12 years.

I had nothing left I became a robot,, just functioning, my only care was momentary, getting through whatever was happening at that moment in time,, life outside this was non esistant.

I certaintly recognise myself in this talk!

Perhaps insted of just liking you might concider sharing a bit of your own experiance,, what was the conditions around you developing fibro. It might start an intresting discussion

Best Wishes, Ray

youtu.be/c6IL8WVyMMs(Not working as expected?)

[Lou1054]

I believe there is truth in what he says, a few years ago I saw a nurse practitioner who pointed out exactly what the stress of caring for others puts on the body. The word, stress, trips off the tongue easily but is, in my opinion, a factor in many illnesses. Now I have had to step back and have learned to say no I cant do that, the hardest lesson for me x

[RayB in reply to Lou1054]

Indeed Lou,, I was warned by a friend that my own health would suffer when I gave up my profession to move back home and look after my Mother with Alzhimers,, she was forgetting who dad was at this stage.

My reply to the advise was "If thats what you think your very mistaken,, I have more stamina than most,, I'll be fine." I had always cared for other,, be it animal or human but before it was not 24/7/365 until there was nothing left of me.

It got to the point my character died and there was only a sort of robot left!

In the last few years I have become very self protective,, I moved and exiled all extended family and any other complications or demands,, all had a mouth and no limits to asking,, and of course I couldn't refuse even tho I was not able. Only my brother and two friends have my address or phone number,, it was the only way to protect myself. I would have kept putting off whatever they wanted doing and ill feeling and moaning then started as I had not done whatever,,, strangely enough non of them were there for me when I was looking after mum and dad,, they only came when they were looking for something.

Strange how we can start to recognise problems eventualy when pointed out by others.

[RayB]

Redmaple, you sound rather like myself!

It was easier to do it myself also mum didn't get wound up in the process.

i'm so glad I posted this as perhaps it will let some people see character traits that lead to problems in themselves and then perhaps start to protect themselves and say NO!

Enough is enough!

First you have to recognise a problem exists before you can address it!!

Ray

[redmaple-5 in reply to RayB]

Maybe knowing when to stop is the key to preventing chronic illness? 🤔 Life swallows you up and you keep going ignoring the warning signs. Stress for me was the daily normal. Work life balance denial leads to burn out. Too late when it happens!!

[carol789]

Hi Ray b

Yes, I cared for brother-in-law who'd been in but and run and on life support when I had 2 children under 3. Then my uncle, then my mum and my dad. by then Had 4 children. Had first serious flare but only lasted 3 weeks. Could not move, very frightening. Then lost 7 family members in 5 years. Husband was diagnosed with cancer and I was being bullied in work by a person who had already been reprimanded for bullying two years before, then they made them a manager! This followed really big flare, lost co ordination, use of legs, was in wheelchair, eyes affected, itching, sore feet, pins and needles, burning knees and arms, chronic fatigue and much more, took 8 months to get back to work. I have a job I really like and is rewarding but just physically and mentally could not cope!. I am still full time, but do see I should really reduce hours, but as main earner can't really do that. I don't know how I physically coped looking after everyone, working and running the home. I would be asking for help to do that now, whereas I just somehow kept going.

Woops, feeling sorry for myself moment. 😥😟

Best wishes for a nice night. X

[RayB]

Carol,, your words only go to prove how comon the not being able to say no ilness theory is and I suspect it is very common in fibro,, it dosent have to be caring,, it's just that the people are always doing for others and can say NO.

My mother was the same,, I think I got a lot of her personality from her,,, not a bad thing!

Best Wishes, Ray

PS,, you would not have made a good manager,,your a doer,, they always seem have to have a ruthless type in managment now days!