Finding it hard

Finding it hard to stay positive today I think most of you know I'm generally positive an up for a laugh but iv not slept well an I'm in a lot of pain today I have So much to do in the flat before my op next month so its nice when I'm recovering fr 5/6 months.iv already downsize d my list as my nurse side I was putting to much on myself my son is staying with me at the mo till he can afford a place if his own so there's 2 of us in a one bed flat his room is my front room. He hardly helps me with anything an that's upsetting :0( we have no other family an i only have 2 Freund's as I'm writing this I'm saying Stop feeling so sorry fr yourself !! An I'm such a cry baby nowadays I berate myself crying won't help !!! Grr my life's become so small well I don't feel like I have one I guess I'm just having a bad day I hate how fibro and crohns has effected my life so much how its limited me so much I'm just on a downer and letting if steam dont know if I should even post this I'm normally pretty up beat but suppose it gets to us all at times

23 Replies

  • Aww, Lors

    Sorry to hear you're feeling down but I totally empathise with the pain and lack of sleep. It must be hard with the two of you in a one bed flat.

    Maybe speaking gently and honestly to your son to ask him to just keep the area where he's sleeping would be a good start? And then, get him to help you a bit more with essential household chores? He may not realise how much you're struggling perhaps?

    And don't berate yourself, it's ok to have a bad day and if posting on here helps, as well as the replies you get then it can only be good. I think we all need an outlet to just "vent" a little or seek reassurance etc. It's certainly helping me being on this forum and from what I've read so far, there's some wonderful, supportive and friendly people. xx

  • Thank you tiger for replying iv tried to talk to him on many occasions he doesn't help with any household jobs he let's me do his washing an if I don't do it it just piles up UV told him how bad things are getting an he can see fr himself how I'm struggling with walking etc but just dose not do Anything I'd rather be on my own an only HV myself to look after clean up after its upsetting how he stands by an watches me struggle he is a good lad with a big heart who would help anyone.but he'd not like that with me its odd an it breaks my heart:0( I'm dreading my op and only have him to rely on.... Although iv had crohns fr 30 years and fibro fr 9 the fibro has been really bad this last year I'm struggling to come to terms with my mobility being so bad its all just gotten to me today xxx

  • Hi Lorsxxxx, I live with my hubby and 2 sons aged 21 and 15. They all care but not one ever lifts a finger to help around the house so I completely empathise with your situation. It doesn't seem to matter how much I'm struggling they just don't help until I fall, then they pick me up and help me to the sofa or bring a chair to me. ( that's how I know they care- this is when they show it). Sadly some fellas just think house work is the mothers job come what may. It's so frustrating and makes for more pain and struggling etc.

    I did my best to bring them up to do house work but I didn't do it well enough I suppose.

    I truly hope you can convince your son to muck in and that your operation goes well lovie.

    Lots of big, squishy hugs to you xxx

  • Aw thanks fallabella I'm the same I brought him up to be able to do some housework an cook a bit etc don't know what went wrong! Lol xxx

  • Your boys obviously care so you didn't go wrong hun the more people I talk to it just seems to be how boys are specially when the young hugs back at ya xxx

  • I think you're right. It's almost as if they're programmed not to do house work lol.

    Hope your op goes as well as possible lovie.

    Hugs again xxx

  • Hey my lovely friend, don't ever apologise for having such a horrible day. You are about to have a very big operation and that could be weighing on your mind to. We are all here for you, so vent as much as you like. Everything is changing for you downsizing, body in front room. You must tell him to help you Hun. Pain isn't helping you think straight either. You have a good cry and let it all out , and we will see your bubbly posts on here again, when you are ready. We all have these days weeks months. Big soft gentle hugs floating your way. ((HUGS))

  • Thank you blue your kind words mean a lot Thanks so much xxx

  • You are welcome.

  • OOh I,ll have to give you some tips on getting that lad of yours motivated on helping you! I sometimes feel awful but it works: I tell him there is a good launderette nearby for washing, bathroom gels etc can be bought from local pound shop, housekeeping doesnt cover those, TV fuse will be moved from plug after midnight and so will PC- he burns the midnight oil big time, I leave the gas and electric bills for him to see, he sees how much Sky costs, I show him adds for flats (not that i want him to leave) and how much it would cost for rent, bills, food insurances, when he stays out very late and comes home legless I hang his life policy up ready polished!! Its all a joke and jibe with him but he gets the moan joke from me especially when we get a big rebate from G&E and I give him half back or when I buy the tickets for Wimbledon or Davis Cup he cant do enough then coz I say I havnt decided who I.m taking- oh what a wicked mother!!!

  • Sounds like you have it sussed :0) iv done showing him the bills etc all the bills have doubled since he moved just dose not seem to sink in he's just finished uni 5 years,iv supported an helped him throo it.he's finding it hard he only has a 20 hour a WK job but moans he's always tired! Wish I could get you round to sort him out :0) X

  • Yes my lad is 36 he only gets between 18-25 hours for someone he has given 20 years employ to thats why I pay most things but I try to make him realise what life costs today.

  • Its awfull what they pay younger ones my lads 21 he does work awfull hours.I'm too soft I'll admit he's lazy he even admits it.I guess its different a maybe cos I'm female ? But I always helped my mum she lived with us for15 years had ra then got copd an emphysema I looked after her till she past away I just wish he would help me im struggling with things more and more :0/

  • Hey Lovely,

    I am so sorry that you are feeling so down. Before I carry on my reply I want you to know something - you have lifted me up on days when I have been down, you have always reach out with a friendly comment, support and love and you are an amazing and strong person and you should be so proud of yourself!!!

    I think maybe you need to have a conversation with your son, and explain to him that he needs to partake in housework as you are struggling at the moment and hopefully this will push him to help out a little!! The stuff in the flat, maybe look at the to do list and really prioritize how much of that REALLY needs doing and if it does need doing can you break it down into smaller more manageable chunks? You are allow to have bad days hun, I cried last week because I didn't wash Carl's shorts (WHAT!) Fibro can affect you so much, and when you are having a bad day it feels like it is taking over! I'm so glad you were brave enough to share with us all, so we can help support you because we do all care!

    When I'm feeling sad like this, I try and think of one positive thing that happened to me today - are you able to give that a go??

    Loads of love and hugs xxxxx

  • Thank you huni I'll try and talk to him again he just gets ratty with me tho :0/ and I will try and do my jobs bit by bit.I'm changing rooms with my son so I can then get my new bed built an order my new mattress and new's just so hard at times low income us in a 1 bed flat my pain an mobility getting worse,it then markes my depression worse witch then makes my ocd worse ! This op coming up an trying to stop smoking for it !!:0/ im worried iv not got enough support/ help when I'm recovering I wish I had some family or more Freind's but we all struggle an there's no good feeling sorry fr my self iv also just put in for the higher rate of mobility/ pip so I'm worried about that thanks for your words an support it really does mean so much,more than you could know I'm so glad I found this site an you all I'm great full for your support xxx

  • Gosh it makes me laugh how many kids over 21 cannot load a washing machine! Uni isnt much help either as many bring a pile of washing home when they visit.

  • Lol when my son was in a uni apartment I used to use the laundry room driers. it was amazing how many students I had to help when I was there doing degrees but couldn't work out how to use a washer or drier !

  • I can completely understand how talking can be hard, but I bet you try and hide from him how ill you are feeling, maybe if you try and explain just how ill you feel he will help more? Money certainly does make the world go round, have you maybe spoken to someone about getting help with your living situation if you are struggling in the flat due to mobility (sorry not sure how that works!) That's amazing that you are giving up smoking and something that you should be really proud of!! I'm glad that I can help you feel a little better, and I'm never far away if you need some help or a chat hun :) Do you know when you will hear from mobility/pip re the decision? Xxxx

  • We could get a 2 bed flat but he doesn't want me to have to move again a loose this flat the end up paying bedroom tax when he moves out.also this flat is mobility friendly I have a wet room its ground floor etc iv not managed to give up smoking completely I do part vape part smoke my nurse posted my pip form on Fri so I don't think.I'll hear anything any time soon it doesn't help theve not given me a date for my op theve just saide Oct :0/ xxx

  • IF your flat is rented then dont worry about bedroom tax, my son shares a 2 bed flat with me, we have looked into him getting an appartment but there are just none to be had unless you are a high wage earner and there is a limit on housing help.My neighbour upstairs occupies a 2 bed flat and in our Borough the council are not charging bedroom tax becasue they cannot move anyone to a one bed or appartment coz they have none..I would say, like me, get yourself into a disabled flat with housing because that makes your residency secure.

  • I'm in a disabled ground floor council flat it's a nice flat an iv only been here 2 years I was lucky to get this just around the corner from where our faming home an my son can't live together indefinitely we row to much! An he's thinking about working abroad so I want to stay in this flat.and our council leics city,are charging people bedroom tax my friend over the rd lost Hus son at 22 an he pays b/room tax

  • Not really legal is they cannot provide you with a one bed. You need to appeal about this, if we pay and dont they leave us alone. I have a ground floor 2 bed council flat it was a pig sty when I acquired it my son cannot go on the rent book because he cannot have the flat when I pop my cloggs BUT it is in writing that they will find him a home and not evict until they do-that will be a long time, lady upstairs has never been pestered to move infact they have offered her a stair lift so that she can stay put- its a post code lottery- speak to your MP if you are threatened with bedroom tax, dont make the housing aware when your son goes, ask him to stay on electoral reg at your house and have his post delivered there- that was the advise I was given..

  • As for talking to my son iv tried I don't an can't hide how ill I am it doesn't make any difference that's why I'm at my wits end with it all xxx

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