Hello everyone, i have some questions and i just want to get something off my chest and use this space to get my head together if thats ok?... sorry, this might be a tad lengthy and a little sweary hear and there ... And thank you for reading, any feedback about my questions would be hugely welcome : )
So yeah, Im just wondering about the connections between ptsd & fibro.
Has anyone had a difficult experience to deal with then gone onto develop fibro? chronic fatigue etc? are fibro and PTSD and ME the same things even?
sorry if this is an obvious link that i have just today hit on and everyone knows about this already, I am just thinking about exactly why i have developed fibromyalgia in the hope that i can heal inside and make it go away. .. For ever and ever!
A friend told me today that she heard a radio program yesterday that speculated there may be a link between ptsd and fibro. So i have been goggeling away and have found lots of good stuff to read. i will post up any thing that i feel strikes a cord.
The thing is with my situation, i have never been involved in anything physically horrific but i have experienced a series of very harrowing and harmful emotional situations that caused me to have some sort of mental break down. The fibro symptoms and hypo thyroid symptoms made an appearance around this time too and i became very ill, but stupidly have not put two and two together. i was bed bound and in huge amounts of excruciating pain that made me writhe in agony. i honestly thought that i was going to die in the night. i felt super mental crazy, howling at the moon clawing at my skin stylee and weird and really really anxious to the point of real scary panic attacks at the thought of having to see friends who called by to see me. i began to extract my self totally from all social circles as i did not want to see anyone, i could not. i did not trust anyone apart from my cat. Having my cat friend to care for saved my life. Quite literally.
Personally, i have always described what happened to me as traumatic and damaging, i found the aftermath really hard to adjust to. 6 years on and 3 CBT programmes' later, i am finally starting to get somewhere with this. i feel like i have been in a waking sleep where i went through the motions of life with out really being present. i cant remember things, events, chats with people... its all patchy or blank. thats quite scary to experience.
I also just realised today that the events that took place that caused me harm, is the only topic that i have not disclosed with any therapists i think because i could not bring my self to say the words out loud because if i did speak about it i would relive the whole story in glorious teknicolour and cause my self huge stress and upset for some time after. i know i must be out the other side now because i am having lots of eureka moments... mini enlightenments almost. As i write this i am aware that i have to be true to my self and nail my colours to the mast. i have to face ALL my demons if i am to truly move on and recover from this fibro ****ery. And, i know that i will need to be prepared for what follows each therapy session. i have to plan ahead to save my self from falling down.
incidentally, is Gabapentin an anti depressant???
I am feeling more positive and actually happy. im happy... i have finally been given pain relief, i can't quite believe just how much pain i had to suffer before this happened. unbelieveable. i feel like shaking my gp untill her head falls off! Gabapentin and Naproxen for pain and inflammation, awesomeness x 1000. i am starting to feel like i can really get my life back so some semblance of normality because i am not entrenched in feeling pain and woe because of the pain.
i just cant be this person that i have become due to the list of health issues i seem to have developed. im sick to death of it all. At times in this journey i am mentally exhausted. Pathologically exhausted and disillusioned by my seemingly flimsy constructions of my own reality and existence. im fat and miserable because i am ill and not as active as i once was ... maybe this new medication will give me a new lease of life. i really hope so because this is not who i really am, this fibro person these pills and pain and Edited By Admin,ugh, the Gp's... the appointments, the time off work, sickness interviews the guilt in letting people down, the lonely darkness and everything else that comes with being chronically un well , its all too humiliating. i hate it and it can go **** its self.
I love reading the couch to 5k posts because they give me inspiration. i could be doing that one day... i've started walking in the woods and fields. now the sun is here i can lay on the grass in total silence and stare at the huge sky and listen to the birds singing, god they are so happy at the moment... nature is so healing. i actually feel blessed to have these moments. i've not felt happiness in such a long time. how utterly sad is that. what a shame.
i have to help my self out of this while i still can. i want to live not just exist
thanks again for reading.