Fibromyalgia Action UK
40,709 members52,772 posts

Feeling like a freak

Why do people stare and comment so you can hear them about how I walk and how slow i walk. Its making me not want to go out, all my husband says is try and walk normal. Does he think i want to walk like a freak!

30 Replies
oldestnewest

Take no notice they have nothing of importance in their lives, if they have to make comments like that!!!! I'm sure hubby doesn't think Ur walking funny, everyone with this illness most probably walks slow , I do xx

5 likes
Reply

Thank you. I walk extremely slow and funny at the same time! It just hurts sometimes when the say things.

2 likes
Reply

Have you ever told hubby when he says stuff like that it hurts you? Let him know communication is very important with loved ones. This illness can cause a lot of problems. Talk with them educate them as you learn what it is doing to your body. We all may have similar issues but we are different because our bodies are. I don't mean this in a bad way but I have to remind myself to be thankful that I can walk even if it is hard. So many can't walk because of their issues. I have a very good friend that it takes her everything she has to walk. She was abused her feet were beaten with a hammer. It took her years to learn to walk again. I have to see her struggle to walk and she says she feels for me because I am losing the battle to walk. Sorry walking is a touchy subject for me. As I stated earlier I mean no harm. Please let me have it if you feel harmed by my words! I really don't mean to hurt you in any way!!!!! I have always walked funny. Scoliosis has made sure of that my entire life! People have said some cruel things to me and about me for it. Hugs

2 likes
Reply

No not at all, I just thin that others should think before the mouth takes control thats all. I hope you and your friend will improve so you can both keep walking. Big hug x

3 likes
Reply

Yes there are times I wish my cane was a little longer. A good tap would do some a little good! Lol hugs

3 likes
Reply

I use crutches when outside, indoors I can assure you I walk like the old thunderbird puppets, take no notice of anyone, and, if a walking aid would help use one. xx

2 likes
Reply

Thanks i will ask the physio on friday and see what they say about a walking aid. X

3 likes
Reply

I was walking as fast as i could across a car park when the guy in a car who was being held up for a few moments loudly asked his passenger if he should run me over. I stuck my two fingers up to him and slowed down even more.

Yes my hubby also has occasional absent moments. like when crossing the road outside our daughters house he told me to hurry up or i would get run over. my reply was that they would have to run me over and did he think that i was going that speed for fun.

On the whole i found that most people ignore my way of walking once i accepted it and could make jokes about loosing a race with a snail.

some people are cruel others dont realise that they are staring

And ive found that ignoring them works best for me, you may find a different way of coping.

Oh and do you carry a stick, it says to the world that i have a health problem and as stupid as it is they can accept that.

Good luck and hugs

Sue

8 likes
Reply

Thank you. Your event with the car driver happened to me today but he didn't ask me to hurry up he just drove over the crossing once i had gone infront of his car, not sure whats worse. I will definately talk to my physio and ask about a stick. Thank you xx

2 likes
Reply

Lots of good advice up above. I use a cane sometimes, though I don't usually have problems walking. So I can at least identify some.

Most people are kind, maybe don't notice or they empathize, and some are embarrassed to look, much less say anything. And there are always those jerks who just can't get over themselves or their anger in general. I think it is slef dissatisfaction and low self esteem that makes people pick on others. But enough psychoanalyzing.

Perhaps the most important thing I heard is the response from your hubby, like regno and Sue were saying. Maybe talk to your husband about how it hurts when they look at you this way and he isn't sympathetic? Maybe he's embarrassed? I like Sue's response, screw 'em all. OK she didn't exactly say that!

Personally, if you're not ready for a wheelchair, walker, or crutches, just carrying a cane may be enough to let people know you need extra time. I wouldn't expect the jerks to stop being jerky all the time though. My late husband used to say about dog thinking: if you can't eat it or scr-w it, pi-s on it! :-)

3 likes
Reply

Thank you, i am definately going to try a stick. I think I've given the wrong impression of my husband, I just want to say that he is lovely and can't do enough to help me in any way he can, although he is the first to admit he doesn't understand fibro but he's trying.

1 like
Reply

Masses of brilliant advice. Just like to say it is their problem not yours. If they can't emphathise they are not worth bothering about. You are no freak you are a brave person who just happens to have a disability and are doing the best you can.xxx

2 likes
Reply

Thank you xx

Reply

Before fibro if someone was walking slower than me I just side stepped them and walked on by. Since fibro people have to side step me sometimes and I just smile at them. Don't let them get to you, the people who say anything to you are just downright rude and don't deserve any of your time worrying about them.

I remember when I was a young 19 year old and was running down stone steps in my heels, there was an old woman on the steps so I just ran by her with a cheery hello in my way passed. She on the other hand grumbled about me making a lot of noise in my heels and that I had no consideration. It annoyed me so I actually snapped back that at her age she should be pleased that she could still hear and carried on my way. My mother was not impressed with me but sometimes you have to bite back :)

2 likes
Reply

I agree sometimes you do have to bite back, but I always seem to do it to the wrong people. However, it can make you feel better.

Thank you xx

Reply

We not freaks we got issues, you would laugh at me in a morning, my husband has to roll me out of bed and rub my back and hips so I can straighten up, takes me a good half hour to stand up straight. I dodle when walking my leg turns in permanently, you ought to see me getting up stairs hilarious. I learn to find myself funny and my hubby comes out with funny quirks that helps. People do sometimes shun what they can't see and fibro I'm afraid is invisible to most, laugh at yourself and others might laugh with you not at you.

Good luck, get hubby to lighten up. hugs xx

2 likes
Reply

Thanks I find it easy to make fun of myself at work, because working with cancer patients it brings you down to earth. Need to try more out of work I think xx

Reply

just rise above them and ignore them. people can be so hurtful intentionally or unintentionally. just you go on as you do and don;t listen . i know it canbe hurtful but try not to let it get to you. my kids make fun of me if we are in town not that it happens often the keep teasing re how slow i go and that but they would go nuts if they heard anyone say anything re me or my health issues that are apparent...... big hugs and i hope you can ignore these people...xx

2 likes
Reply

Your kids sound like mine! She can poke fun at me but don't anyone else dare to. That even includes her kids! I hear but mom you said.....her response is yea well mammy new I was just teasing you don't say that ever.....but mom we was just teasing too....... I don't care you don't say that ever! At this point I open my mouth and she says no mom they will not say that to you ever you are my mom!!!!!

Reply

Thank you xx

Reply

I am so genuinely sorry to read of the hurt that this imposes on you and I am sure that you are not alone in this. I would tell your husband how much this hurts you and that it does not help you with your illness.

Many people have nothing better to do than be small minded and utter insinuations and slurs against others. However, you are clearly a better person than they are. I want to genuinely and sincerely wish you all the best of luck.

All my hopes and dreams for you

Ken

1 like
Reply

My kids do poke fun at me but they would never dare intimate or suggest anything towards anyone with any disablements .... They wouldn't dare ...I wish you well x

1 like
Reply

I have only had 1 moment like this while out shopping! I had paid for my goods and was just putting everything away in my handbag when the man behind me started huffing and puffing!!! I turned slowly and asked him quite loudly!... "I'm so sorry... Am I holding you up?....To which he turned a deep shade of red and started mumbling under his breath...:-D :-D :-D :-D I winked at the cashier and hobbled away!!...♥♥♥

1 like
Reply

Good for you, It will be better dare I say it when the holiday makes go home, only because it will be quieter xxx

Reply

Ignore the folk who look at you; they will have forgotten you as soon as they turn away (like in Doctor Who!). Sometimes we folk with differences worry too much about how people perceive us; Mostly they are so concerned with their own problems that they only notice us in passing. I put hurtful comments down to their ignorance and ignore them, unless they get too intrusive, then I have fun! 'Don't get old, it's not worth it!' is one of my comments, as well as 'You are going to be like this one day, and it will feel like yesterday!' In supermarkets I excuse myself with, 'Sorry, I'm a bit of a wide load!' as I trundle round on my Rollator. Make jokes about it, it gets them on your side!

Reply

You are probably wright, they will be on to the next thing. Thing is it very easy to become like us. My friend yesterday rang and said that someone had told her I had got it becuase I live in a damp area. How stupid and ignorant is that. Again I supose its people for us . Thank you and good luck xx

1 like
Reply

Hi Tracy45, I have the same problem as you so can greatly sympathise with you :-( . When I am walking I am bent over and to the left side and I am very wary of people staring and laughing, although not many do. When a good friend of mine got her new rollater she gave me her old one and suddenly I had people asking me if I needed any help, strangers were being kind to me and yet I am too self-conscious to use it because I'm only 58!!! Instead, I rely on my husband to take me where I need to go, or the lady who gave me the rollater when we meet up with other fibro friends once a month for lunch. I truly hope you find a solution to your problem. Julia x

Reply

I'm very self conscious as well, my husband suggested i went to the motability at the shopping centre to help me move around and I about bit his head off. But he's only trying to help, but like you say we are only young, probably help though. Good luck and big hug xx

Reply

The important thing to remember is that you have maintained your independence and mobility - you are to be commended for doing that when it obviously causes you problems, well done!

Hubby is probably trying to support you in his own, male, clumsy way!!!

Ignore them, you are a strong, resilient person who is better than they are,

Hugs, Maggie xx

Reply

Thanx xx

Reply

You may also like...