Fibromyalgia Action UK
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To moan or not to moan... Boyfriend's noisy flatmate!

Ahh, the joys of sky high rental prices and unaffordable living - flatmates and houseshares.

I live in a lovely, but tiny little cottage, in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by woods and fields and bluebells and birds and whatnot. I share with a 61 year old lady and her dog. It is silent as the grave at night, and pitch black; just how I like it.

My other half lives a flat he shares with a good friend, and we spend weekends at his (my cottage is just NOT big enough for more than 2 adults). This guy is in a band, plays his guitar (and banjo) whenever he likes, is often up watching TV till 4 in the morning, and often comes in from the pub very late at night (say 1am onwards) with friends in tow who make a right racket - including on weeknights when we all have work the next day.

A couple of weekends ago, this guy came home at 12.45 am on Monday, early for him, with 2 friends. They then stayed up till 4.45am, playing music, chain smoking, and generally being noisy to the point that neither me nor my OH, usually a very heavy sleeper, could sleep. To make matters worse, my OH was starting his new job that morning. When we discovered that the flatmate was passed out, paraletic, on the lounge floor, my OH then politely told the 2 others to be quiet and turn off the music, to which the bloke replied "at least it's Pink Floyd".

Needless to say, I was fuming. I work full time, but a bad night's sleep will wipe me out completely and my work suffers as a result. OH got a message from his flatmate the following day saying sorry, it won't happen again. Yeah right.

Last weekend I'm awoken by the front door crashing open and the flatmate, with girl friend, staggering in at 1am. Cue slamming doors, lights on and off, toilet flushing again and again, the usual. When the finally went to bed, around 1.30, the kitchen tap was left running, and the lounge and kitchen lights were left on. Guess who has to get up and turn them off. I'm afraid I lost it at this point, woke up my OH with my storming about, and demanded that either he speaks to his flatmate, or I simply don't stay over any weeknights or Sundays anymore, meaning 2 nights a week with my OH. My OH, being the diplomatic peacekeeper he is, agreed - it's probably best I don't stay over on weeknights or Sundays.

Now, I have been told I am old beyond my years. I'm 26, but I am usually in bed by 10, and up at 8 to walk the dog and get started on the day. Maybe this guy thinks I'm inconsiderate for getting up at 8 when he's been up till 4? I don't know. My OH is NOT going to have a word with him, and let's face it - they've lived together for 2 years. The flatmate has always been noisy, and my OH has always been tolerant.

So, am I within my rights to politely ask this guy to show a little more consideration when coming home late, or do I invest in ear plugs and an eyemask (super comfy - not) and just put up and shut up.

It is a shared flat, after all.

Thoughts? :)

7 Replies

This is a dilemma, surely there are neighbours to consider as well. This chap appears

as though he doesn't care, there is no answer to his ignorance. xx


Hi, well I think your OH needs to man up and have a few words with the flat mate. Unfortunately, your OH has allowed this to happen for the last two years, so the flat mate is obviously gonna blame you. Its not unreasonable of you to want a bit of respect and consideration. I suppose a bit of give and take, a compromise could be agreeded upon, if your OH sits down with the flat mate and discusses the problem. Good luck x


Yep, he's gotten away with it for so long that he probably thinks it's a perfectly normal way to behave. My landlady is having a hip replacement and is in hospital currently, so we are staying at mine this weekend. Need to broach the subject again! x


I do sympathise with you and this chap sounds a nightmare. But ultimately it is your boyfriend who shares with him so if he is happy to put up with this guy ( and it sounds like he is if they've shared for two years) then there isn't much you can do. What you don't want is for your boyfriend to fall out with his friend and be forced into finding somewhere else to live.


I am so genuinely sorry to read this, and I want to wish you all the best of luck.

All my hopes and dreams for you



There are "guidelines". you might be expected to allow the odd early hours, but to keep it up after 10 regularly and after midnight regularly is just bad manners. You and any kids around have rights too. I cant use the word I'd like to in decent company. . .

"Old beyond your years" is just an insult and fudging the issue. He needs to grow up.


Thanks guys. I tried talking to my OH about it and we just ended up arguing. His view is that it's a shared flat, if his mate wants to come in late and bring friends in too then that's his right, and it's also not his problem if said friends are noisy. He can sleep through it.

Think I'll just have to draw a line under it, and no longer stay round on nights when I have work the next day. x


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