Fibromyalgia Action UK
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Winge of the day!!

Grrrrr, it annoys me when you tell someone you have depression because you live with chronic pain 24/7

They say ( for example) oh yes I was depressesed yesterday as it was raining and I wanted to cut my lawn, or something equally stupid,!

What they actually mean is that they were a bit annoyed / put out/ irratated/and a hundred other words they could use but I don't know anyone who suffers depression for a few hours, or half a hour!! Or depressed because their washing line broke !!

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Treating depression as something that had been volunteered for or there was some control over completely misses any understanding. That would only happen if they spent time living your life which is not something that most would wish on their worst enemies, passing by comments that obviously have no understanding with I suppose you tried only there is nothing that relates in their lives. Makes the pull yourself together comments easier deflected when they have no idea on the subject the advice

is for.

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I couldn't agree more Ian and you have described exactly what I was thinking !

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Yes I know what you mean ,people just don't understand but think they do ,I was guilty of that on a different level and subject now I understad on so many levels wise I could turn back the clock ,hope your day improves x

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My pet hate "Yeh i know how you feel i was dead beat yesterday."

I feel like screaming that i have been dead beat for years not just a day or two.

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I usually feel like screaming no I am not depressed i am **** off. **** add your own rude word.

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A friend once said to me it is better to be "p****d off than to be p****d on , Betty!!!

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Or even worse, you tell someone you live with a chronic painful condition and they say ah, get well soon!!!! ( have they discovered a miracle cure then that we don' t know about?!!!)

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Yup couldn't agree more EJ

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It infuriates me that people belittle depression so much, and as Ian has so eloquently put it, it isn't something we choose or something we would wish even on our worst enemies. The fact that one day one can be fine and then next plunged into this huge black hole which is incredibly difficult to climb out of ISNT any fun at all and no one who has truly suffered will ever understand the depths to which it can plunge one,and when you least want it to, to make matters worse.

I've had people say to me they've been depressed and I've asked them if they were able to speak to people, answer the phone or anything like that and usually the answer is "oh yes, why wouldn't I ? " my retort is that in my own personal experience (and I know it isn't the same for everyone) I can't even open my mouth to speak without bursting into uncontrollable sobs. They find that very very hard to understand and issue you the "oh you'll be better tomorrow line" urm, no, my last bout left me unable to do virtually anything other than pop up my daily post here, for over two months and even that was a nightmare, trying to see fun in something when feeling so bleak and desperate.

How I wish more could be done to enlighten public opinion about real depression and not just the occasional feeling fed up, which is an entirely different thing, in my humble opinion!

Foggy x

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I agree with you, I have had devastating sadness in my life but that came nowhere close to depression that I have experienced, so no , depression isn't just feeling a bit down, in my experience you feel very little, almost without any emotions at all. I'm ok now by the way. Lou x

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What's awful is even before you open your eyes in the morning you know .......

I just hope that the spiral downward won't be too far or long.

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Yes, we with chronic pain have to someone appear 'superhuman'we have to try to be happy so other ppl don't have to see the real state we are in.

Well, don't pretend all the time...ppl who are genuine will be worth talking to, those who don't want to be bothered,you will suss them out. Sadly, some ppl don't care...they've got their own ideas and you can't educate them, so politely take your leave. Live your life...its may only seem like existence but do your,best, bless you.

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Would it be reasonable to think ppl with such little empathy aren't worth bothering with? or is that unfair and they know so little we should pity them.

I have very few friends and guess what. I'm actually quite happy with that.

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I have more friends on this site than i have left over from before fibro,

One of them lives next door but one. I cant get up her steps to her door and then wouldnt get back up the hill home.

So the only contact we have is a wave over the fence.

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Most of my friends live in my computer.

**Waving**

:) :) :) :) :)

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I have a few good friends, others disappeared when I couldn't go out socialising like I used to, or be there at the drop of a hat. true friends take time to listen and try to understand. Regarding depression I don't think you can really understand unless you have been there yourself or seen a loved one go through it. I would rather physical pain than emotional pain any day unfortunately the two seem to go hand in hand. One thing I have noticed speaking to others who have suffered depression is that when you do come out of the other side it makes you much more tolerant and forgiving, if that makes sense. X

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I found out the hard way who my real friends are , when I got poorly 15 years ago and the answer turned out to be None of them. That was a hard learning curve because for all seven of them I had been the go to person when they fell out with fellas when they wanted to winge ( sometimes boring me to tears to be honest!!) but I was always there for them , I too have a pretty non existent social life due to fibro and other illness, I have one true friend a lot older than me( but a hell of a lot fitter!!) and we try to see each other once a week for a coffee at mine or if I feel up to it I go to hers on my mobility scooter as she lives in the next street, other than that I don't have any friends as such

I saw one of the so called old friends a few weeks ago , she went over the top being nicer nicey, and said oh we must meet up what's your phone number, I just said you have to be joking, I have managed without you in my life for 14 years i' m sure I will survive another 14 and just rode of on my scooter!!!!

To be honest I am better off without people like that draining my resources!!!

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Lol yayy good for you.

I had friends we used to take everywhere when I was ill at first never seen any of them.

I was very upset but didn't have the energy and was too ill to bother.

I too found I would just cry burst into tears for no reason didn't want to see anyone I wouldn't answer the door. Etc

it's just horrible

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I couldn't agree more with you. It is not pleasant when unthinking folk trivialise such things.

Take care

Ken

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My partner tells me off at times for being reclusive , but I now have real problems with trusting people , I was watching a programme on telly and it said there are two types of people " takers" and "givers" , and if you are a " giver" the " takers" know that at a early stage of your " friendship" and manipulate the situation so if you are friends with a " taker" especially if ypu are ill, or get nothing in return then you need to empower yourself and get rid of them because fair weather friends just drain you, ( that works for family too if you are brave enough) that's what I have done!

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That's interesting. I've also heard this but in terms of 'drains' and 'radiators'. Yes I know where you are coming from x

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I am sorry to join this thread rather late. Depression is like so many things observed from the outside; marriage, parenthood, being an astronaut. Unless you have first hand experience you don't really get it. In the past I have told new parents that they will get a lot of advice and comparisons, and it is up to them to decide what might be useful and what clearly is not. After all your ideas of what a good TV programme is and mine probably differ. The difficulty is that the donor of the information truly believes that they are being helpful or empathic and only we know how far from the mark they are. I find that in these situations I can hear the Harry Enfield character saying loudly "You don't want to do that!" and whilst I am not suggesting that you laugh in their face you are allowed a little inner snigger. I feel I need to point out that this character, I believe, was based entirely on my mother!!

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