Just some light humour, hopefully to make you smile.

[tettridge]

1 - My girlfriend said she was leaving me due to my obsession with the 60's group The Monkeys.

I thought she was joking ........ and then I saw her face……now I’m a believer

2 - Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's voice from the kitchen, 'what would you like for dinner my love, chicken, beef or lamb?'

I said, 'Thank you, I'll have chicken please'

She replied, 'You're having soup you fat git, I was talking to the cat!'

3 - I was sat in a restaurant and got hit on the back of the head by a prawn cocktail.

I looked round and the waiter shouts, 'That's just for starters!'

4 - The Importance of Accuracy in your Tax Return

The HMRC has returned the Tax Return to a man in Evesham after he apparently answered one of the questions incorrectly. In response to the question, Do you have anyone dependant on you? The man wrote: "2.1 million illegal immigrants, 1.1 million crackheads, 900,000 criminals in over 85 prisons plus 600+ idiots in Parliament and the entire European Commission".

The HMRC stated that the response he gave was unacceptable.

The man's response back to HMRC was "Who did I miss out?".

5 - Mary had a little lamb.

Her father shot it dead.

Now it goes to school with her,

Between two chunks of bread.

6 - Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the kings' horses,

And all the kings' men.

Had scrambled eggs,

For breakfast again.

7 - There was a little girl who had a little curl

Right in the middle of her forehead.

When she was good, she was very, very good.

But when she was bad ....

She got a fur coat, jewels and a sports car.

******************************************************

You have to be old enough to appreciate this. If you don't understand it, it is because you're just too young!

I have trouble with some of the jokes I have been sent by friends I have found really funny, but when I read them again I realise they could be offensive to someone, so some I am able to edit and some (most) are entirely unsuitable for any mixed audience (although these are generally sent from one of our lady friends) but I hope that you enjoy what is left over as I find the best jokes (mostly) are the clean ones.

Take great care and kindest regards

Terry

[hamble99b]

thanks Terry

[TheAuthor]

Really good, I enjoyed them!

Thanks

Ken

[fenbadger]

Hehehehe. We need another site for those "over the line " things. I get them all the time and just think a lot of my friends would not talk to me again if I passed it on.

[wallflower_fairy]

Thanks Terry!

I enjoyed them, think I was too young to understand the last one though!

Hugs and sparkles

wanderingwallflower xx

[tettridge in reply to wallflower_fairy]

Hi Fay

Yes I had trouble with that as I was told by my wife that the last line was 'When I am bad I am Fantastic'

Take care and kindest regards

Terry

[Julie63]

Thank you Terry, just what was needed after a long day - had pain management course this morning, then popped in to see my mum & dad on the way home. My neice's two children, aged 5 &2 were there, and they were very energetic! Had to laugh, but they were very tiring, after a while, I wanted to be back home, on my own on my phone looking in on here for a giggle. Thanks, Julie xxx

[tettridge]

Hi All

Glad you have enjoyed them and thank you for your appreciation, anything to take your mind off of things for a little while.

Take care and kindest regards

Terry

[lilian68]

thanks terry very good really enjoyed them had a great giggle.x