Trying to feel more positive

My son is getting married in September and as most of family on both sides will have to travel to the South East where we live so the young couple couldn't have made it easier in terms of timing, travel, and accommodation. But my relatives are being a pain as usual. One of my sisters ( they both live in Scotland) has announced she 's not coming as my niece is expecting 'some time around then'.

I felt very upset about this as despite the way I am always try to get to family do's including my niece's wedding but I know that she and her husband will be only too pleased to have an excuse so they don't have to spend the money.

But my lovely sister in law made me feel positive by saying that my brother in law behaved like a bad tempered sulky child at her daughter 's wedding last year in Derbyshire because he doesn't like travelling by car and they got stuck in a traffic jam on the motorway. And he talks about nothing except the independence vote ( he doesn't like the English). So, in her words, I am having a lucky escape.

Having fibro and my other conditions brings me down when I realise I am never going to be who I was. But this latest incident with my relatives has turned from a negative to a positive. I am going to try, slowly, to change a negative into a positive. I am fed up because a friend(and I have lost many because of being ill) I was going to meet up with can't make it. But instead I will go and have a look round my library now that my eyes are sorted and I can read again (positive ) have a cup of coffee, come home and catch up with the TV.

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12 Replies

  • Hi glad you are feeling more positive, just think of the new outfit you can shop for between now and September. I find life very difficult due to the drastic changes and I too just take each day as a new challenge, forget about yesterdays failures and try to have a better day today, I am not very good at pacing myself, not an easy lesson to learn even after 14years. Gentle hugs.

  • Thanks. I am hopeless at pacing myself and end up totally exhausted if I do too much but I like your idea of making each day a new challenge. It helps too that I can't usually recall what I did the day before! x

  • Sounds like you probably don't need to be around these negative people anyway dear, there has been many a person in the two years since my diagnosis that don't appreciate how hard it is to just get up some days, let alone make the effort like you have been. Best thing for it is to make sure YOU are okay... Sounds like the doctor has definitely ordered some telly and a brew :) and like Sophie said... When a good day (or two hopefully!) pops up, it's a fab excuse to get a nice new outfit and treat yourself! Hope this helps, enjoy the wedding and put all the negative people in a box (airholes optional) and enjoy your coffee :) xx

  • Forgot yesterday was day library closed but going down got me out of the house. I dug out a couple of DVDs and had a nice peaceful day. I have put my horrible relatives out of my mind for the moment. Wishing now hadn't agreed to travel up North for Easter but want to see my 92 yr old mum and dad (dad is amazing for his age but mum has Alzheimer's) thanks for your kind thoughts.


  • Hi panda60, I understand how you are feeling with your relatives. There are so many self centred, selfish people around, as I know from my own family. My mum unfortunately played favourites with me and my younger sister, made it clear she preferred her to me. Two of my mum's sisters live close, and resemble Marge Simpson's sisters in the way they behave. To be short, I don't have many memories of closeness to my mum sister or aunts. And they woner why now that I am married with children of my own that I live on the other side of town and hardly visit.

    I agree with rhiann and sophie, you have enough to deal with without these spoilt brats. Just remember to love yourself. It took meeting my Hubby to realise that I was worth loving. Sorry this post is long, but wanted to let you know you are not alone. Go spoil yourself to something You like. Give yourself a hug and a reminder that you are better than them. If you can, cut them out of your life, that sounds harsh, but my & my children's mental health is so much better now that they are old enough to no longer need childcare at my mums, without the toxic atmosphere. With love and Gentle hugs, Julie xxx

  • Thanks. It is so good to hear that I am not alone as it is all too easy to imagine other people all being close to their families, which I am not and never have been, nor is my husband which brings us close together. I did have a lovely auntie when I was a child but hardly ever saw her as my mother didn't like her. Still feel sad about that.

    My lovely dad would be upset if I stopped all contact with one or both of my sisters but he is 92 so won't be around for ever and I want to see him when I can even if he's 400 miles away. But once he's not around things will be very different. My brother can be a pain in the neck but he is very good hearted and has a lovely wife and grown up kids.

    I have managed to have two nice days pleasing myself. Hubby only works two days now so we can spend some time together.

    Take care xx

  • Thanks your motivational post. Turning negatives into positives.

    Enjoy your book. What are you reading. I have just finished a midsummer murder job. Much to my surprise I really enjoyed it. The programme doesn't do them justice.

  • I am reading a book called Bel Canto by Ann Patchett recommended by a friend. It's a brilliant read so hoping to read another of hers. I looked up my local library catalogue and they only have a couple of Midsomer books which are at present residing in the local prison library. But I think I can get one on Kindle so it is on my list. I love crime and thrillers and always have one on the go whether listening or reading!

  • have a look if your local library lends out ebooks; a lot of them do now! (I work in one :D)

  • Hi panda60

    I sincerely hope that you are feeling as well as you possibly can be today? Your post does sound very positive today, and so I am delighted for you. I remember the last time you mentioned them you appeared to have no energy?

    I hope it all goes really brilliantly and that you have a wonderful time.

    All my hopes and dreams for you

    Ken x

  • Thanks Ken

    Had a good day yesterday and today so hoping it will last. Going to a monthly fibro support group tomorrow; joined last month and really enjoyed it.

    Take care xx

  • I wouldn't mind joining a Fibro group? Please can you tell me how it goes, if that's okay please?

    I hope that it goes wonderful for you

    Ken x

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