Feel lost all of a sudden

[suffolklass]

I need to get something out of my system before I start to stew over and over.

It should have been my husband's 53rd birthday last Monday. He died almost 5 years ago from a heart attack. Today would have been our 18th wedding anniversary. It's also the first time I've been at home by myself for years, both my wonderful (yes I'm biased and yes they wind me up something awful at times but I love them to bits) children are away on a sleepover with friends. I was doing ok, until I got an e-mail from my mother-in-law...

The e-mail was a poem (I've really enjoyed the poems on unlocked tonight) about a woman in a car crash who couldn't find her twin boys, (We lost our twin boys 14 years ago.) they were found safe in a police car and had been put there by their dead dad's angel.

It doesn't help that she's coming to visit when it's the anniversary of my husband's death next month. Everything has to be a drama, when I like to quietly acknowledge and protect my kids. Our families could not be more opposite. I know she means well and wouldn't want to upset me.

I'm sorry, it's really stupid, but it triggered so many memories. I usually bottle everything up and thought if I write this down it will hopefully stop me sliding downhill.

[Hidden]

[pondminstrel]

don't forget its your mother in laws son...to bury your child no matter what age is horrible...we all suffer death of loved ones...so perhaps you need to show love and kindness to your mother in law,perhaps she needs your help

[suffolklass in reply to pondminstrel]

I'd never forget that and it was very hard for his family. We stay in touch regularly and whenever we go home to Scotland we stay with her and I know she means well and would never mean to upset me. The email was bad timing when thoughts were raw for me. I've been in a pretty bad place until recently and I don't want to go back there, hence why I wrote this, to stop the thoughts building up in me. She's a good woman. Please believe me despite differences in our upbringing we get on well, it was bad timing.

[pondminstrel in reply to suffolklass]

yes timing is something we cant control...I have had a lot of death in my life...lost my father at 15...my two brothers 3 weeks between them..my 2 year old nephew..my 50 year old nephew and last year my partner and childrens father died of cancer after a 7 year struggle so I do know what its like...you will come through it,we always do pet,GOD never gives us a load to heavy for us to bear...always here to chat pet x

[suffolklass in reply to pondminstrel]

I believe that too, he took a lot off me a few months agoGod Bless