Come on guys I need your Help Maz64 is having a problem

[Ginsing]

she needs to smile as we all do every day so lets make it Smile tuesday any one got any Jokes or funny stories or embarrassing situations that they have been in.

Lets smile xgins

[Pinz]

For maz

[Fibrofoggiest]

I will try hard to remember, but can't think of anything I've done lately that's stupid, dumb or funny in any way........ Hang on though, ........... the electricity situation of yesterday comes briefly to mind which made dear Maz smile, I will no doubt come up with many other Foggy disfunctions once I've pondered and ploughed through the porridge which is residing where my brain once was.

Hope you start to feel better Maz, I really do (((Maz))) ( as you probably know I don't hand out hugs much, but clearly Maz needs them )

Foggy x

[Ginsing]

The mental institution was suffering from to many patients so the board of governors decided there was a way forwards.

So they installed a room with full length mirrors and invited the selected inmates in to see what they thought.

The question was posed to the first man

"If we gave you a million pounds George how would you spend it?

George scratched his head

"I would buy a house"

"Well George that is an excellent answer thank you"

"Now Ted how about you what would you do if we gave you a million pounds?"

"Well Sir I have always wanted to buy a house"

"That is an excellent answer"

"Now Paul you seem to be last tell me what would you do with a million pounds"

Paul stood up ~walked into the middle of the room and very very slowly lowered his pants then he peered over his shoulder into the mirror and examined his bottom then he said

"Oiy~ think sir I would like to get this yere crack mended!"

[Ginsing]

I hope I havent offended anyone gins

[Fibrofoggiest]

Here's one I hope doesn't offend anyone with a chihuahua !!

A man goes into a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink.

The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog."

"Oh man,” the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.

Another guy walks into the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog."

The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"

The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chihuahuas as seeing-eye dogs."

The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What??! They gave me a Chihuahua??!"

Foggy x

[Fibrofoggiest]

Oh and another

This is the true story of George Phillips who was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.

He immediately phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and George said no and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.

George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all."

Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

Foggy x

[Hidden]

Heres one I came across earlier on pinterest.-----Why are so many fibro patients hooked on pinterest? --I haven`t the foggyest. now I hope that I havn`t upset anyone....feel better soon Maz

[Fibrofoggiest in reply to Hidden]

hehehehehe. Great.....am off to my Pintrest now

[gracesgrandma]

True story first. When I first left school I worked in an American bank. I worked there for 9 years. 1 day the boss was called to an emergency meeting and me being very clever and smart and funny, haha, said he would have to fornicate some figures. In my defence my fibro did start when I was about 13 and I must have been about 24 by then lol

Second is a joke and I couldn't help laughing myself silly the first time I heard it.

Little billy,5, was in school and the teacher asked him where his pencil was. Little Billy said "I ain't got no pencil" His teacher smiles and says "Billy it isn't I ain't got no pencil it is I have no pencil, you have no pencil, or we have no pencils. Then Billy replied "whose got all the f***ing pencils then"

Hope this put a smile on your face :o)

[Mazz64]

Thank you all. they certainly put a smile on my face!!

When I was going to school my teacher told us to write an essay about "My Cat"

the next day he was picking up our essays and came to me, I said sorry Sir I haven't done the essay he said "what?? why haven't you done your home work" I said I don't have a cat we only have greyhounds and terriers, I would like a cat but Mum said the dogs would kill him, so I couldn't write about my cat as I don't have one. he said you don't need to own a cat to write about it, I said well you said to write about "My cat" and as I have already told you I don't have one and I don't know anything about Cats so couldn't have wrote about it anyway, he said "ok I give up" write an essay for tomorrow about the dogs

[Mumbean]

The only joke I can actually remember was told to me by a G.P. (female). What do men and clouds have in common? When they both clear off,it can turn into a WONDERFUL day

[haribo36]

Great! Love them all,especially the last,hehe

[Maladjusted]

This is the best I can come up with, it is a little risqué, so I hope it doesn't offend anyone? here goes:-

My wife, Julie, had been after me for several weeks to paint the seat on our toilet.

Finally, I got around to doing it while Julie was out.

After finishing, I left to take care of another matter before she returned.

She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the shower, she sat on the toilet.

As she tried to stand up, she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to the toilet seat.

About that time, I got home and realized her predicament.

We both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever. Finally, in desperation, I undid the toilet seat bolts.

Julie wrapped a sheet around herself and I drove her to the hospital emergency room.

The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free her (Try to get a mental picture of this).

Julie tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying, "Well, Doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before."

The Doctor replied, "Actually, I've seen lots of them......

I just never saw one mounted and framed."

[bluebell99]

Hi This is true

My mum suffered with RA, fibro and lots of other conditions. She complained often about the number of times she had to get up in the night to go to the loo.

I told her if she did her pelvic floor exercises she might be able to go longer between. She looked at me aghast and said "Good God, if I got all the way down there I'd never get back up again! "

She never did understand why I cracked up laughing!!

[Cookie72]

They are great, sad to say. I haven't got any of my own at the moment, can't think straight, ut I've had a good laugh at these, hope it did the trick for Mazz64,....Deexx