Rough day on the planet

So I overdid it (again) the last few days. Took my son swimming on Wednesday (his day off from college) and went riding yesterday (first time I've done an hour since before summer). Today I lay in bed. I got up to do some things earlier and ended up on my knees trying to sort out the washing. Took my temp and it had risen to 39.1C. Been lying down a while again now and it's back to 36.6C, which is close to normal for me. *sigh* Ache a fair bit, paracetamol is pointless for the pain. Even typing is causing pain today. Lol, I really should know better than to do things two days in a row but I still do it!

Why do we constantly push ourselves? I know why I do....because I'm afraid if I stop for too long, I'll never start again. I'm still finding myself fighting this so so hard....still not winning damnit. I said to my mother yesterday that I would rather die than give up riding (riding and horses are a real passion of mine and it was my career, but is now the one thing that pushes this illness the hardest :( ). Sounded terrible and selfish even then but I meant it. I just want my life back.


Edit @ 3.35pm: Just took my temp again after getting hot and sweaty doing some hoovering and my temp was down this time. 35.8C. This temp issue is really wierd and the gp was no help with it either. Never seen anything like it etc so ignored. *sigh and sigh again* My hands are sooo hot!

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11 Replies

  • I know where you are coming from, yesterday went on the bus (5 min journey) to meet past work colleagues for lunch (2 hours) got a lift back to the shop, bought a few light groceries walked the 10 mins home, did a bit of hoovering, had a rest, made some dinner, washed the floor, relaxed for the evening. Felt so normal!

    RESULT, awake in pain most of the night, pain and tiredness today, won't be moving outside the door!

    What I hate is, yesterday would be a fairly easy day for most people!

    But we have to stay positive and hope rest today will result in a better tomorrow and I know a lot of friends who are working who would love a rest day on a Friday, they'd probably pass on the pain though :D

    I find it a struggle to pace myself, just when I think I've got the hang of it I end up doing too much, thing is sometimes it is hard to know what is too much?

    Hope you feel better tomorrow xx

  • I have to admit to lol-ing at this. It's so true! I haven't even tried using a bus since I got this. The train was uncomfortable enough. Driving can be a right pain in the ....well wrists and hands actually but yesterday went so well.

    You actually did quite alot! I find washing or hoovering to be one of the worst culprits for causing pain and discomfort quite quickly.

    Thanks, I hope you feel better tomorrow too. :)


  • I so agree when you say about fighting this disease, That's how it feels does't it, and when you think you are winning it starts all over again, The hardest thing is accepting that we cannot win but to just try and go along with it, but it's so hard. I think the following sums it up. THE SERENITY PRAYER. Grant me the the SERENITY to accept the things I cannot change, the COURAGE to change the things I can, And the WISDOM to know the difference. Hope you are feeling better today.

  • Thanks you jessam, you are right. How stubborn are we to not accept it! I know it's still early days for me and I'm still kinda angry about it....I guess that's an improvement. I was in denial, now I'm angry, lol.

  • I think we all try to have a 'normal' life or what ever that is because I know myself I won't allow myself to admit I CAN'T do things. I think if when I'm having an alright day then I will try to do what people take for granted and have a life. People at work were asking me ,' are you doing anything T the weekend my answer was YES lying on the sofa after attempting to do the house work as I can't do I without needing to do the other. It's just so unfair! My friend has 3 children who she runs around after taking them to clubs, or dropping them off places, taking them shopping after work etc. I listen thinking I could do that once upon a time then I think how difficult it is when I come home from work I have to take more mess just to be able to have a bath and eat dinner. What a life!!

  • Totally. When I'm feeling ok, or I've worked myself up to think I'm ok, I push and push again at the boundries my body thrusts on me. Today I have paid for it. The dizziness is getting seriously irksome so I suspect I'll have to have a restful few days as yet.

    Funny how often I end up not having a shower or bath because I am too tired.


  • Hi you have hit the nail on the head there, I'm totally with you. A bath at times is the last thing on my mind, bath or drop into bed. No contest. People only see you out and about because you are feeling better than normal there's that word again, they don't see that after you have gone home you are on the sofa or in bed paying for it. I went for a walk weekend before las not too far I thought I did take extra painkillers probably too far, i payed for it all the following week pain was horrendous. I just felt guilty of not being able to go anywhere or do anything with my partner, I often fill my head with is he sick of me does he want a different life then I spiral into a depression, like the other week I got it into my head he was leaving me what a state I was in. But!! We always seem to bounce back and wain in anticipation for the next flare!

  • That's a bummer Riles. I'm single (ok divorced but meh) so no worries about a partner, but I feel for my kids.

    Today we went swimming close to home. Still drove there to save the walk, yet was slower than my mother (she has had ME since I was 14 and is now in her 60's). The walk back to the car was really bad. Hurt so much. :( Now I'm so tired yet my kids are about so cannot just go to bed. They probably wouldn't mind that much, although my son is a little demanding. Right now he's talking to me because he wants to go on my laptop and I'm on here. *sigh* No rest for the wicked, so they say. Lol.


  • Sorry to hear that but it is a bummer it's almost like having to plan ... Well this week doesn't seem too busy so I'll have life and pay for it the week ahead is quiet. WHO has to and should have to do that oh yes WE do how silly of me. Hope you get a good rest tomorrow close the door and curtains don't let anyone in. Lol. Hope you feel better quickly. X

  • Lol, yeah, if only. My daughter is riding tomorrow and it's an hours drive each way. That is all I have to do tomorrow, but even so....ah well. Wouldn't be so bad if I could park the car outside the house. As it is I shall trudge up the hill for it (Tiny narrow roads and no parking, bummer) and to top it all it's meant to rain, alot! Monday I shall hide under my covers once the kids have gone to school/college. Lovely and warm. :)


  • Ah that sounds good for Monday see there is a light at the end of the tunnel SCHOOL / COLLEGE lol. Have a good one.

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