Church Bulletins -another attempt at humour

Church Bulletins -another attempt at humour

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

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The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

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Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship H all after the B. S. is done.

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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.

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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

10 Replies

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  • Excellent!! lol

    Tannels x

  • Hilarious :-)

  • Well done Mal, this is hilarious, keep them coming :-)

    Foggy x

  • Blast!!!! I need clean knickers now! :D

    Moffy x

  • Lol very good, thanx for laughter......De x

  • Hehehe that was soooo funny!! made me chuckle over & over.. I've copied it & posted it on Facebook... Thank you for the morning giggle :)

  • Brilliant I shall send them to my friend who is a church warden with a sense of humor.

    Thanks muchly xgins

  • Oh thank you so much for that, that is the funniest thing i have read all year and I'm sat here with tears running down my face & ruined make up! That's just my soh, as well as those funny names like Amanda Huggenkiss and Shirley Youcantbeserious x

  • Glad it raised a smile. Sorry about your knickers Moffy, leave 'em off next time I post something :)

    Will try to find something else later

    Em x

  • Brilliant... I'm choking on my coffee here lol

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