Well as many of you know I was going out today!!! 10 mins max and dont know what went on really except carry on with medication fluoxetine as all have now been tried and not doing anything for long or cannot tolerate them. Just what I wanted just been through the worst time yet and was told to set a goal each day and do it and carry on with meds words fail.
Got another appointment with CBT for assessment again next Tuesday also appointment with new eye centre at hospital as it possible I could have glaucoma my brother has it. Something else to worry about. Done the CBT route already but GP says no also started with this medication when first diagnosed with depression that was before Fibro many many years ago when it was only known as Prozac
Head still banging but not cried so that is something psych said it showed new med is working and have to stick with it.
Moaning again come on girl try to get a grip. Thanks for listening it really helps.
Gentle Hugs
Merlinmac
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merlinmac
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It sounds like your under an awful lot of stress, I'm sorry to hear all this. And don't worry, you're perfectly entitled to a moan. I hope it goes ok at the eye centre, hopefully it will be ok and you won't even have it, but you'll feel better knowing this for certain.
The new medication: Do You think it's helping? The psychiatrist cannot make an objective session just based on this as they need to look at the person as a whole. And clearly you're the best person to judge if you notice a difference.
Keep blogging. I am glad it's helping. I find it can be incredibly therapeutic and healing.
Gentle (((hugs))) to you (thanks for taking the time to read my blog).
Thanks for support and to all my other new friends it really helps to know that we are all having these problems. Why we seem to be on the end of so much flack I dont know. When your told Fibromyalgia you think great but its your worst nightmare just beginning. Thanks everyone
That's alright. I know, Fibro is one of the strangest illnesses. Yes, I remember, when I diagnosed I was almost elated (there was the nagging part in my mind that it wasn't going to get better, but I was still in denial then). Then I slowly realise that not a great deal could be done and I wasn't so elated then...
But! At least we have eachother. xxxx
That just about sums us up merlin when we class a trip to the psychiatrist For you and a trip to the GPS for me as a day out
Hi Merlinmac. You've been having hellish time for much too long. You must be a really strong person. I spent many years in the psyche.services. Perhaps if I tell you a little bit about my story, it may help you.
In1994 I was Sectioned and spent 4 months in Psyche unit, diagnosed with depression and personality disorder. For far too long my life was controlled by others, including 'experts', and did all the therapies and counselling, none of which at the time seemed to have any effect on how I felt or the way my life was out of my control. Sectioned more times than I care to remember, and things finally hit the bottom when my girls were taken from me and in to care. We were lucky in so far as their foster carer who had them the longest was a very special woman who looked after them for 2 years. I was allowed regular contact, at the end of which my youngest daughter especially would get so distressed when they had to go. 1 day they were picked up, I was agoraphobic, I walked out of my house, 20 mins. I was at social services, saw team leader and demanded they return my children. And they did. I was in control! It felt amazing.
That was the start of my return journey. Not just for me but also my family. It was at this stage I was able to utilise all the 'skills' that the therapies are for. I discovered that people diagnosed with personality disorder that I HAD, past tense, rarely ever recover properly. I'm not saying life is easy. It's not. Sometimes feels like I'm losing it again. But I dont. I am in control, and my reward is the relationship I have with my family, which now includes 2 grandchildren! Oh boy, sooo didn't see that coming.
We dont know what is round the corner (my eldest daughter says "yes we do mum, another corner!: What I'm trying to say is, you can really do this! You need to let things out, this site is a good place with supportive, understanding people. You can post as often as you like, so that's a 24/7 service :). Tulip xx
What a terrible time you have had this just makes me think what am I moaning at. Unlike you I dont have children another sad part of my life but I do have my Westies and they mean the world to me like all ladies without children sad. They do give me some hope and without them I dont know where I would be.
One thing they dont answer back only an odd bark.
I agree with your daughter its a good job sometimes we dont.
Thanks for continued support and enjoy your grandchildren.
You have to let your feelings out, a bit like a pressure cooker, if you dont everything will just build up. We all need to love and feel loved, Westies are so cute! I would fill my house with cats if I could look after them properly!
I am so pleased if I can help in any way, feel free to message, Take care Tulip xx
Hi there,I've also had depression since I was a teen.I never told anyone though,and I also suspect maybe OCD as I had some strange rituals I had to do.I often felt suicidal.I almost was sectioned when I admitted to doc that I had a plan to kill myself.I have tried a lot of the SSRI anti-depressants including fluoxetine and had aweful side-effects.I couldn't take it any longer than a month as I felt worse taking it than I did before.The only ones I can tolerate are the tricyclic anti-depressants,I've just had to increase dose as my depression has been bad since about 6 months ago.I also did the CBT counselling through my docs and it made no difference to my depression,I hope you find the right treatment for you and you get some relief soon x
I am ritualistic about certain things strange. According to the psychiatrist yesterday we have been through the book on antidepressants and not had much luck all SSRIs.
Seems to think that because I am tend to push to the limits when feeling on better side that I have to help myself do you have to try and kill yourself before anyone takes you serious?
Actually just so fed up with it all been like this for 15 years almost there then back again so I think story of my life put up and shut up.
I don't think CBT is meant to actually cure the depression by itself - a lot of people who have been "cured" cite it as doing that, but they are in the minority, in as much that something that should have been a long journey has happened sooner than is usual with these people. I have tried it and can say it gave me a few "tools" to cope better despite the depression - and even that is easier said than done.
I think its the equivalent of giving someone a big spade to dig over a field rather than the teaspoon they were using in the first place. Unless you carry on digging, it,ll never get done, however. There is of course a little man in big wellies following you in the same field flattening it all again behind you!!!
The job is never quite done, but I don't think even the healthiest people in the world will ever dig over the entire field in their lifetimes - you have to leave a few patches undug (which is difficult if you are a perfectionist, like me, and literally get bogged in).
It is natural for it not to be perfect, and I think the secret in lifting the depression is to accept that to a degree. Its not easy - I am still working on that. I hope you find a way to dig over the field.
I was on fluoxetine (prozac) for 5 years ...till I read the side affects , came off of them...and 25% of the pain went and so did the constipation.problems and the foggy world I was living in now on nortriptyline 30mg a night to help me sleep. Fought not to go back on 'antidepressants'...but I have had to admitt they have really helped with sleeping and hate to admitt again ,that if you can break the routine of bad sleep it really really does help. I also did some 'mirror talking'....look reflection right in the eye's and say to your self...."you can get through this...there is a better day coming and its going to be today"... think of the things you can do rather than the things you can't do...and try a little bit every day to 'push' gently through the pain... A even if it seems a very steep hill to climbe... just remember...every step gets you closer to the top.... don't let the DWP control your life....I know it can... all you can do with them is be STRONG... fight your corner get every bit of help from your doctors and specialist....and if you have been diagnosed with depression...speak to the charities for mental illness...and don't be panicked by that phrase... 'mental illness' ...nothing to be affraid of or ashamed of....more people suffer with a mental illness at some time in there life than any other condition ....and they get through it and so can you. ...best of luck ... be strong....
Hi Merlinmac, fellow Westie lover (and mini-Schnauzer). I almost posted earlier in the week, I'd been having really tough few weeks and was beginning to think of suicide again, it wasn't fair on the kids seeing me like that. Writing everything down helped get a bit of it out of my system and to let some hope and the ability to function a little, back in. I thought the same about "setting goals" but when you do one, you begin to think you can do a bit more... It's hard but worth it.
We rehomed a Westie a few months ago, having had 2 for a long time. She is a bampot, chases anything in the garden, trips us up, knocks us over. And, along with our M-Sch, ate the Take That figures I'd been making, for 3 days, for my babysitter's 18th birthday cake!!!!! I can laugh now.
We took a Westie in, and almost another one this week but the rehoming people are a bit worried about its history and don't think we're the right family for it. I would have a houseful of animals if I could have my own way.
I got the TT figures finished about 10 last night thankfully, not the way I wanted to but they're done, I just hope she isn't disappointed with them.
I really understand about the goals. I went on a course with Suffolk Wellbeing and they explained goals and pacing really well. I don't always stick to it but try to and I am able to a bit more most of the time. It is frustrating but it also feels better because I feel as if I am getting back in control, very slowly but still getting there.
We have days when everything gets to us, my poor kids put up with a lot from me. If you can be easier on yourself it helps.
Sorry misunderstood what you were saying about the Westie you like foster I work with friend for rescue.
I think when you have suffered with depression for more or less 20 years been to psychiatrist psychologists cbt counseling tried all SSRI.s you know what they say but it is not easy trying to implement it when you feel like we do aching burning you know what I mean. Anyway getting up now and going to have a shower under warm water sooth shoulders and thigh.
So glad you got your TT figures done you well motivated lady 10 at night.
Yes your right about pacing but so difficult running is all I know.
It is hard, I've struggled off and on with depression for a long time as well. Every time I did CBT a little bit stuck and I focused on a little bit at a time. I also had to see a psychiatrist when I was applying for health grounds retirement. He told me to have a look at, I think, the Lightning Process. I took the first step and bought the book, haven't read it yet, but it's there for when I can make that next step, if I can find it.
Last week I scared myself with the thoughts I was having and the GP changed my anti-d's. I am praying they work and stop me sinking further. (I can do the theory, the practice is different though!)
I took the cake over to my sitter's and I'm so relieved that she loves it. (I was beating myself up about it not being good enough so it goes to show we shouldn't be so hard on ourselves. Lecture over for both of us!)
Let us know how the cake went. Aren't Westies gorgeous! Would love to adopt a greyhound, but we have days when there is no one home for a while too long to leave a new dog alone, specially if they are traumatised.
Has anyone gone onto duloxetine (Cymbalta)? How were they on it? How does it compare to Fluoxetine (Prozac)?
You must let us know how you get on with it. I have had Prozac before, but it just works on Seratonin, as far as I know, and have heard Cybalta is similar, but better with fibro pain, and affects other hormones/neurotransmittors as well as seratonin. Prozac helped me with my panic attacks, but I felt numb - I didn't cry once whilst ever on it, but never had a good belly-laugh either. I now have 5HTP, which seems to help, as my panics slowed down in a similar way. I do imagine I will have to come off that though if I was to go on Cymbalta. Wierd thought aren't fun. I hope you don't get too many more once settled on the medication, I must admit I became irrational when I had the panic attack, and thought of stupid things like how hubby would leave me, and no one would love me - when I know it clearly NOT to be true, but it was uncontrollable.
The Prozac is working and I am not crying but I think I had a serotonin syndrome as came off duloxetine too quickly and given other meds which did not work so part my fault could not tolerate the 2 meds too many side effects. So I think a lesson to learn there dont stop taking antidepressants.
We all think strange thoughts at times and some meds make it worse I think.
I got myself into grooming my westies yesterday hoorah I did something at last.
Oh and duloxetine was good for me it helped a lot but had a massive appetite on it so keep a watchful eye on that it may not get you the same but I thought worth mentioning,
Looking after 2 of my friends so want them looking good she coming back Sun/Mon. Try and do a bit on my two today.
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I am glad it's helping. I find it can be incredibly therapeutic and healing. 
Emergency trip to hospital 
Really need to get this out
Trip to town - didnt end well!
burned myself out ,finally :(
