How bad can my life get

As well as not having any ESA since February this year I now have to deal with my Father's funeral. He lived 190 miles away from me and I am having to travel there to sort everything out. I cannot get any financial help for travel expenses so don't know how I'm going to get there. The bills are mounting up at home and the cupboards are bare. How can a society treat people like this. I am in constant pain and the stress of this latest problem has made everything worse. I have had to sign for a £3000 funeral which I don't know how I am going to pay for and the social fund may reject my application for costs as I am not in receipt of any qualifying benefit at this time (only DLA). Any advice would be gratefully received as I don't know how much more I can take.

10 Replies

  • Hi Hollykarma,

    Sorry about your father, and all your other troubles. It seems that you are in the most distressing mess at the moment, and I feel that your best option would be to write down a list of all your outstanding problems, plus a breakdown of expenses and any income you may have, then go to Citizen's Advice, who will certainly be able to sort things out a bit.

    Also, call your local Social Services and ask for their help - they are usually very good. You might also wish to visit your GP and explain that your circumstances are affecting your health.

    Good luck with all this, and if the feelings of desperation overwhelm you, remember that you can ring Samaritans at any time of day or night - they are always there to listen and to support you.

    I hope we hear some better news from you soon.

    Moffy x

  • I really feel for you on this one.

    But help is out there.

    As moffy says go the citizen advice I am pretty sure you CAN get help on this one.

    You just have to bang much louder on doors

    Lets us know how you get on with this one Holly.

    Bibi x

  • Thanks for your advice. I would contact citizens advice but all I get is a recorded message. I haven't been able to talk to anyone. I am not able to get to their offices as I do not have transport and cannot afford a taxi. It seems no matter which way I turn I am met with a brick wall. I will sort my father's funeral out and then decide what to do next. I am so sick and tired of the way I am being treated. If I was an animal the government would be prosecuted for cruelty.

  • So sorry! When my husband died, the Undertakers were marvellous, and they had leaflets etc. about what you are entitled to, I seem to remember the Social Fund were helpful, but I think now after all the changes the local council supposedly have a fund for emergencies like this Call both, hopefully one of them may be able to help.

    Would like to give you a hug, best I can do is a virtual hug. Do take care. xx

  • I have contacted the council. All they can give me are food stamps. There is no financial help anywhere. If the social fund turn me down for the cost of the funeral it will finish me. I have had to put up with so much for so long that I can't take anymore.

  • Hi ,sorry about your father , have you tried a new claim for ESA ? You can reclaim after 6 weeks even if you have an appeal going through , you need to ask you doctor to write deteriation on a new sicknote and send it in with your new claim , I did it and I got new caim after 10 days .

    Hope this helps ,

    It does not effect your outcome of your appeal , the lady from dwp advised me to reclaim.

    Much love

    C x

  • I work for a funeral directors and I am sorry to tell you that even if you were entitled to money from the social fund they would not pay out £3000. Usually they pay about £1800.

    I am shocked that the funeral directors you have used have allowed you to run up a bill that high when you have no way of paying for it. If there is no money to pay for a funeral the local council should pay for a "pauper's funeral" usually about £1000. We do a basic funeral, with no frills or extras for under £2,000. Did your Dad not leave any money ? Even if a bank account is frozen they will usually allow money to be withdrawn to pay for a funeral.

    The only other thing I can suggest is to tell the funeral directors you need time to pay and ask them to help you work out a reasonable amount to pay per month. If you do not pay without making reasonable efforts your account will be sent to a debt collector.

    Is it too late to cancel any of the things you have ordered for the funeral ?

    Wish I could give you better news.

    Lynne x

  • I have only organised a simple funeral, no frills at all. My father did not leave any money at all to help with the costs. He has no assets which could be sold to raise money. I also have the problem of living nearly 200 miles away from where he lived. I don't drive and I have no money for transport. His house needs sorting out because it was left in a state (which I might also be billed for !!!). I just feel like giving up, life is too hard with constant pain and no money to eat. If euthanasia was available I would be first in the queue.

  • Holly please ring the local council where your Dad lived and tell them his and your financial situation and ask them to take care of the funeral. They should pay for Dad to be taken directly to the crematorium and the crematorium fee. Then cancel what have signed up for. Basically you can't afford it to be a proper funeral. It doesn't mean it's disrespectful. When my Dad died five years ago we only had a basic funeral, no minister and only my Mum, me and my 3 kids attended. We just sat and talked about him amongst ourselves, said goodbye and left. You can't possibly manage any other way. Even if you have to tell them you are suicidal with the worry of it then tell them, lay it on as thick as you can that you can't possibly pay what you haven't got.

    Hope someone will help you.

    Lynne x.

  • The council where he lived is not my council so they have refused to help in any way. I have looked into everything and there is no help anywhere. There is no way I can cancel with the funeral parlour as I have already signed the paperwork on the strength of what I was told by a person at the social fund. I later found out that I might not be eligible for help from the social fund because I am awaiting a tribunal for ESA and not physically in recipt of payments at this time. I have just received a letter from my fathers council tax department stating I will be liable to any payment outstanding with them as well and will be taken to court if I do not pay it. Talk about kicking a person when they are down.

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