I've recently finished my third cycle. I've only had 2 embryos to transfer from three rounds. I'm 39 and have low AMH levels (likely due to age along with two ovarian operations - as levels were very good ahead of surgery).
I am usually a really positive person and I would say I've handled IVF really quite well but I'm feeling absolutely distraught after a follow up appointment about the failed round. This was a call with a consultant I've never met before. He didn't sugar coat anything (like most consultants) and said how continuing would likely result in similar results. My last round was 'mild ivf' which was definitely the best round, but he said this was likely down to 'pot luck and not due to moving to mild ivf' as I started the round with double the amount of follicles as the previous two rounds.
He ended the call by saying "do I think you're at donor stage - not quite." - that was as positive as it got!
We are now planning to do a 2 cycle package with my current clinic but I cannot shift the negative feelings I have. I feel like I'm getting closer and closer to having to give up on being a mother (or at least a biological mother) and I almost feel stupid for going through with more rounds as it seems I will just get the same poor results.
How do I keep going?! I can't give up yet!! What else can I do?! I eat well, take vitamins and supplements, do acupuncture etc. I'm sure I will bounce back again, but even the way my friends and family are responding to me now, screams "it's over" but I just can't quite accept that!
Is there anyyyyything left to try to increase follicle count and egg quality?!
Has anyone had such poor rounds and then had a baby of their own?!
Thank you for reading and please send me some positive stories xx
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WHeatherW
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Do not be so hard on yourself -it is perfectly natural to feel the way you do at the moment Make sure have support around you and please take advantage of the counselling appointment you should be offered while on treatment
Hey, it’s so hard not to have those thoughts and it’s absolutely normal to have them. I don’t know one person who has gone through IVF who hasn’t had them thoughts and feelings. You have committed to 2 more rounds and like you said you can’t give up yet! Can they try a different protocol, long protocol, ICSi etc?
I have seen a lot of positive stories on here about low amh and only get one egg that then makes it to blast, and has then gone on to be a healthy pregnancy and baby! It does happen and the cliche is true it only takes one. I think that the fact you have had made it to embryo transfer stage is really positive too!
I’m mostly super positive but honestly IVF has certainly brought out the worst in me some days, I have just had my 4th embryo transfer out of the 3 rounds I have done and feeling like my periods coming so I’m having one of those days too! Like when will this end I just want a baby of my own
Thanks so much for your response :). It definitely helps thinking I'm not the only one with these crazy thoughts! I like to consume my mind with all of these stories and I really thought that the last round was going to be another one - but it didn't stick. It was "top quality" on day 3 so I was feeling hopeful. The clinic were very positive too but the consultant has since said "well, it was top quality FOR A DAY 3. We only know the true quality on day 5" - which made the small glimmer of hope feel less important.
I keep saying the same "when will it end" - and it's horrible as the end is either complete joy and happiness, or utter hell! And it kinda feels like pot luck which ending I'll get.
We've tried ICSI, but that was the worst round, we didn't get anything to transfer. I've got a consultation as a private patient soon, so I need to ask them every question under the sun - including any changes to protocol. Although the last consultant said he would recommend mild again.
Ahh I so hope you're wrong about feeling your period coming! I'm keeping everything crossed for you! Please keep me posted xxx
hi lovely, I just wanted to send you a big hug, it is a tough ride indeed and you're not alone with these feelings. It doesn't sound like you're ready to give up yet, so just allow yourself a little bit of time to grieve, the feelings are very valid, then try to dust off and keep going!, Try to do nice things to pamper yourself, and please be kind to yourself, it does hit really hard seeing dreams crashing after a failed cycle, but we must keep focused on what is within our control.
If you're not feeling you're getting enough from your clinic you can always ask for a second opinion, if the doctor hasn't recommended donor eggs yet then there's still hope it can work! another thing that might help is counselling to help you structure your thoughts and feelings and see a different perspective?
Thank you so much for replying and for the hug! This was the first time 'donor' was mentioned, he said he doesn't think we're "quite at that stage" - so I guess I have to cling on to the hope that they is a little chance left and take it whilst I can!
I'm on the waiting list for counselling, so hopefully I get an appointment through soon.
it’s not over, you are doing really well, it’s just such a tough time to navigate. I started IVF at 39 and only had 3 transfers from 3 cycles but my third one worked. I only had 3 eggs retrieved on the last cycle but that cycle brought me my son.
I found 3 cycles absolutely mentally draining and felt bleak and hopeless about the whole process most of the time.
I too found it frustrating when talking to consultants. My doctor told me ‘it’s a lottery’ and I thought, well that’s just great that I’m spending all this money on a ‘lottery’.
You will bounce back, you are doing all the right things. I didn’t do anything special, just ate healthily, exercised and took the standard vitamin supplements.
Good luck, keep going 🍀🍀 I never felt positive about the whole process, it’s totally gruelling and a hard thing to be positive about given the rollercoaster nature of it but the most disappointing of cycles can bring success, just got to keep trudging xx good luck xx
Thank you so much for replying. Wow, lucky number 3!! Massive congrats! Whilst I wish it wasn't a thing for any of us, I love hearing stories like yours and just hope one day I am giving someone a little bit of positivity by sharing a story of my own. You did so well to keep pushing through 3 cycles and it was all worth it!
Hey, I’m so sorry, it’s so tough. I’m in the same boat. I’m 39 and have low AMH and my 6th cycle just failed. I have had 2 cycles end in miscarriage and 4 cycles with no blastocyst on day 5. My specialist has also suggested donor eggs but I feel like I want to keep trying. I’m sending you strength. It’s all so confusing, each round seems to be different.
Thank you for your reply. I am so so sorry about your miscarriages - I just can't imagine the pain of that! Six cycles - you're amazing! I so hope things change for us both soon. We have to keep going! I just don't want to regret anything. Massive good luck and lots of love xx
I am so sorry to heard what you are going through...infertility is so tough 😢 I would recommend to make sure you are taking vitamins with co Q10 and try to add 3mg of melatonin a day for the time during the stims. Also, I found lower dose worked better for me instead of Higher as I had better quality embryos....the first cycle I got only 2 very bad quality embryos that did not work...in the second cycle I had 5 pretty decent quality embryos, one failed transfer and the second worked ♥️ current just over 4 weeks pregnant. I also found that doing yoga really helped me mentally and helped me go through the massive depression I had after the first cycle.
I am sending you all the of best wishes your way ❤️
Thank you for replying! MASSIVE congratulations! I'm so happy things worked out for you! I think I've definitely responded better to the low dosage too. I already take coQ10 and I did take melatonin during the last round, but only for a few days before egg collection. Did you start day 1 of stims? Thanks again xx
Thank you ❤️ I started melatonin from first day of stims, hopefully this helps. I also started to take probiotic yogurt drink from over a month before the embryo transfer, the doctor told me to do so and not sure if that made the difference but it worked! I am also taking omega 3 from algie as I heard from Dr Tim childs that helps Wishing you all the very best of luck in this shitty journey ♥️ sending much love your way xxx
Ohh ok, I will definitely start melatonin earlier next time. I take probiotic and omega 3 too, so will carry on and hope for the best. Thank you so much and good luck with the rest of your pregnancy xxx
hi lovely, so sorry your going through this and I’ve had them thoughts many times too. I also paid for a 2 cycle package after I changed clinics after 4 failed transfers elsewhere. I always got a poor quality response but started out with a good number of follicles. In my last egg collection I did testosterone priming the month before my collection. It involved rubbing a testosterone gel on my belly and thigh on alternating days. I got 2 good quality embryos from that collection, I had never got anywhere near that before. It’s worth asking. Good luck and try and stay positive! X
Thanks so much for replying. Ohh I've never heard of testosterone priming! Was this suggested by your clinic or did you do your own research? I've popped it on my list of questions for them. Thanks again xx
Hey I used testosterone priming also on my only successful round (4th), and I'm 20 weeks pregnant now. I think it's really worth looking into. My clinic proposed it to me. Before that I had three rounds, and three failed transfers from all those rounds so it really made a difference for me. It's a really tough and mentally exhausting process, definitely don't be hard on yourself because you are amazing for getting this far x
Sorry for the late reply lovely. I hadn’t heard of it either. It was suggested to me by my private clinic when I had finished my nhs rounds. It’s great that you’re doing your own research and asking the right questions so you can go in to your next round more prepared. Biggest good luck 🤞🏼
Hi, the one thing you mustn’t feel is stupid. You should feel so proud of yourself for having gone through what you have. This journey is incredibly hard and to go through one round, yet alone three shows just how strong and amazing you are. I started ivf in 2021 and went through 6 rounds (5 failed, 1 positive which ended in a missed miscarriage). My 7th cycle worked and I am now 33 weeks pregnant, I am 41 years old. I’m sure there were people close to me who perhaps thought I should accept it wouldn’t happen but I felt like I needed to keep going, I didn’t want to look back and have any regrets if I still had it it me to continue.
My first clinic I wasn’t pleased with at all as my hydrosalpinx wasn’t picked up. My second clinic I opted for a three cycle package and also had PGTA testing of the embryos. Still I had two failed cycles and they were reluctant to change my protocol which was incredibly frustrating. With each cycle I entered thinking that it would’nt work. Even this round I was convinced it was negative.
If you feel like you can continue then you do that. I had lost all hope but I listened to my heart and kept going and I am so glad I did. This forum is full of inspiring people, you are one of them. I hope some of the responses give you hope. Happy to chat if you ever need. I wish you all the very best. Xx
Thank you so much for replying. Wow, what a journey you've had! I'm so happy that it's finally worked out for you and it's absolutely all been worth it! Hearing stories like yours massively help me and I just hope I have one of my own to share one day. Did your clinics start to suggest donors? Did you do anything different for round number 7? Thank you so much again and congratulations xx
My clinic didn’t suggest donor eggs. For the successful round I added embryo glue and drank a glass of beetroot juice every day from transfer. Other than that, same protocol as my previous cycles which consisted of Progynova, lubion, Inhixa, Prednisolone and utrogestan. X
Hi, I did 2 rounds trying with my own eggs and getting nowhere. I remember all the disappointment and frustration and feeling like there was something wrong with me and it would never happen- yet I was compelled to keep going and liked to have a plan and get on to trying again. After 2 rounds of only getting morulas and my best result was one low quality blast, I decided to go with donor eggs. I can tell you I felt nothing but excitement starting a round with DE - thinking there was actually a chance it would work! It did work. Not straight away - it was my third FET. Now 35 weeks pregnant. I swear I never even think about it being from a donor egg. I would even go as far as to say I forget about it. My best friend asked me about it he other day and I realised I had forgotten and it’s not an issue at all. Being pregnant- I am in no doubt that my body is making this baby. She is 100% all mine. Best decision I ever made - I wouldn’t have got to experience a successful pregnancy otherwise (I have miscarried in the past from my own eggs). I just think of the egg as the initial spark and then my body took over making her. When you feel a baby wriggling around in there - kicking you in the ribs, you are in no doubt that you are the mother x
Ahhh, massive congratulations!! This is so interesting that something that is consuming me appears to just fade away. Thank you for replying. I hope that attitude is shining through haha xx
Thank you so much for replying. This is just so lovely to read. I'm so happy it finally happened for you. I worry about me being all consumed by "we've used a donor" so it's comforting to read that that's just not the case in real life. Have you decided if you will tell your daughter? Do all of your family know? ... as you can tell, I'm massively overthinking details that probably don't really matter once they've arrived xx
Hi, I did tell my family and my best friend but no one else. But after the journey I’ve had, no one was bothered at all about the DE thing - everyone was literally ecstatic that it worked. My mum is beyond excited. Again - I really think no one thinks about it. I don’t think about it but I guess I would tell her how special she is and a magical story version of how it her little life was sparked. She’s a double donor baby. Especially made just for me It’ll be better to tell her when she’s little so she grows up knowing it’s no big deal rather than finding out when she’s older. But honestly - once you’re pregnant, it’s not a thing anymore. Your body is making that baby x
hi Heather, I’m 39 and have low AMH. I had three rounds of egg collections with short protocol on 375IU Pergoveris. As we had 4 miscarriages we had to freeze embryos and PGT-A test them. First round had one 4BB blastocyst but was abnormal and discarded. Second round 2 embryos, one discarded on day 4 the other one was 3AB blastocyst Euploid. Third round (my best in terms of eggs collected-9!) only had 3 embryos but only one blastocyst again- this was a mosaic embryo and went to the freezer.
After our first collection the consultant told us to go donor eggs but we were not ready to give up on own eggs. As you can see we only had one normal and one mosaic in the freezer after 3 rounds. ( also had a 4th round with mild ivf but failed)
I am currently 17 weeks pregnant with the euploid embryo- I’m so glad we didn’t listen to the consultant! Please don’t give up, it only really takes one! X
Thank you so much for replying. Wow, what a journey you've had - I'm so happy it's finally worked out for you! Congratulations!!! Not listening to the consultant has absolutely paid off for you and it's so brave to go against their guidance. You've given me so much hope! Thank you for sharing and I hope this pregnancy is kind to you xx
My Little one is 4 months old- 18 years in the making. I'm 39 next month. On my last round we managed to get two blasts a 5cb and a 3cc , we transferred both on the round given age so I'm not sure which he is . Was told it would unlikely end in pregnancy due to grade . I kept believing no matter now much time passed.
I have pcos which is affecting egg quality and we also have morphology issues with sperm
Thank you for replying. How many rounds did you do? Massive congratulations!! I love reading stories like yours, hope literally gets us through all of this and these stories really show us what's possible! Thank you again xx
Hi, thank you for replying. I can't tell you how many times I've read that book, hoping to find the secret ingredient that I must be missing - but I think I'm on everything. It's such a good book and it's definitely helped me (quality has improved, its still not great, but better). xx
I can’t share a good news story (yet hopefully) but just wanted to say I hear you and see you. We all have these moments. DH and I feel we keep going until we feel we will have no regrets, tried everything we ethically and financially can afford to (just), and until keeping going seems worse than stopping.
It’s completely valid to get to point where you want to stop. But it doesn’t sound like you’re there just yet.
You might already be doing this but I am currently trying the advanced plan in it starts with the egg at the moment after a really poor cycle with no embryos (I’m 37 but have low AMH, Endo, and poor response to meds). I’ve already been on a lot of supplements but frankly couldn’t afford £200/month of supplements for the time we’ve been trying, but now going all out using Ovum supplement, high dose ubiquinol from Pharmanord, bare biology omega 3 and vitamin D, Optibac for women, and also melatonin 1-3mg at night for 3 months to see if will help, also proxeed for men for my DH.
I tried testogel once but didn’t change my response, also tried oestrogen priming for 4th cycle but that was our worst yet. I was advised to try DHEA before our 3rd cycle but I didn’t respond any better and it really flared my endometriosis (maybe because my clinic advised 75mg and that was too high). But it starts with the egg does detail how you can check your levels and take a lower dose to try and improve your AMH.
Oh I'm so sorry you're in the depths of this like me too! I must open that book at least once a week to double check there's nothing in there that could be the missing secret! The supplements really start adding up don't they, I dread every time I start to see the bottom of the jars!! Sometimes I wonder if it's just all pot luck or we just all respond so differently, as I used DHEA for the first time during my last round and that was the best one. I did use melatonin but only about a week before egg collection (not sure why I was so scared of it!) but I will defo start taking that again soon. Thank you and lots of good luck to you!! Keeping everything crossed for us!! xx
Hi WHeatherW. You have got some amazing replies. I just wanted to reply that I was once exactly at the same stage failure wise and hope wise, where you are now. I got my son at 39. Please don't give up. We did change clinic after the failed cycles however, and the 1st one with the new clinic worked because of a different approach and meticulous monitoring.
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Wishing you all the very best of luck in this shitty journey ♥️ sending much love your way xxx
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