It's a hard message to hear πŸ˜ͺ

Hello lovely ladies, is been a while since I've posted as I've taken a couple of months out. I wanted to share my latest news with you all.

I had my follow up appt this morning with my consultant. He said that the poor results of my last IVF was my defining line in the sand and that he would not recommend me using my own eggs for IVF again. A combination of my age and poor egg quality means that was the end of the line for me. In my own mind I knew this, but it's so bloody hard to be told that's it. Game over.

I'm trying to remain pragmatic about it as I had already started donor egg treatment in Spain but I have a swell of sadness and pain whirring away inside my chest. I'm trying very hard to not have a meltdown about it and I keep reminding myself that he didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. If I say it, it's my opinion but when he says it it's a fact.

I never thought I'd hear those words. Crushed. I always believed that somehow I would fall pregnant and I need to get my head round the fact that I won't.

But with a very deep breath of composure I need to focus on the future and look to donor eggs as my next path of hope. I am due to go back to Barcelona in July. I'm very afraid that this won't work either but I have to try to remain positive.

I will let you know more news with my July DE treatment closer to the time.

Big hugs to you all πŸ’œ xxx

13 Replies

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  • So sorry to hear this Hannah, sending you so much love. I can imagine it's devastating to hear that from the doctor. I really hope DE works did you xxx

  • *for you

  • Hi Hannah143. My poor girl, it's so hard to understand how you are feeling at the moment. To know in your own mind what will probably happen, it less body blowing, than to be actually told what is happening. I do hope that you have been offered some support, perhaps counselling just know, while you get your head back together again. We all want to have our own genetic child, after all that's what the great plan is! However, some of us have to accept help. In over 20 years of doing this job, I have seen the wonderful opportunities that have been offered to couples by using donor eggs and/or donor sperm to create their much wanted family. To still be able to grow and carry a baby to term, give birth and breastfeed too if you want is amazing! Of course it doesn't always have that magical ending, but it is an opportunity to try. No real wise words to offer you just now, but I wish you massive luck when you go to Barcelona, and of course for success. I will be thinking of you. Diane

  • So difficult to hear this. I can understand how difficult this is for you. Sounds like you have a plan and I hope that goes some way to making you feel a little better..sending you hugs and loads of luck for de xx

  • Hi Hannah I am so sorry to hear this. It certainly is not the words you ever want to here.

    I am in the same boat as you and whilst I think I will always feel saddened by it I have accepted it and I need to focus on going forward as there is nothing I have done or can do to alter things.

    No matter what I will always be tinged with sadness but genetics does not make you a good mum and you are giving life to a child that would not have been here otherwise.

    You will be a fantastic mum and I wish you well on your journey. I am just about to start.


  • sorry to hear about it. I totally understand you. first time we also got bfn but thanks clinic we have an opportunity to move on with the second attempt. unfortunately, we didn't apply for de ivf as you did our story is quite different.

    my journey is hard and stressful because we opted for a surrogacy due to my health condition. anyway, I don't want to confuse you with my story.

    I just wanted to say everything will be ok. just give it a time. best wishes


  • Hi Hannah, sorry to read your post. At my consultation after round 2 they pretty much said it would be my eggs that are the issue too, I am lucky to have another round left with the NHS, however they have advised me that if that go is unsuccessful not to waste money privately on my own eggs but to go down the DE route too. I found it hard to hear, and part of me wanted to shout that surely 6 miscarriages over 3 years aren't all down to egg quality. I have contemplated doing mini/natural ivf as much cheaper than standard ivf, however I'm going to see the results of round 3, and If like last time I only get 1 fertilised then that will then make my decision for me.

    I have swayed mentally too and fro with using DE, and questioned would I love it the same, would I be jealous it's half my husband and not any of me, amongst many more, however I seem to have come to terms with it now, and we were considering adoption so surely it's better to have a baby that's at least half of us than none of us, and if that doesn't work then we will be happy to move onto adoption accepting we have tried all other avenues.

    Have these few months to start enjoying life again, got out, have a drink and most importantly have a laugh! This fertility road is very long for some of us, and I dispise how it ends up taking over our lives and not being able she to plan anything for the future, so have some you time with your thoughts and hubby, talk it through with any decent friends who understand even if just a little. All mine have said they'd go down the DE route if it was them.

    There have been so many happy success stories of here recently with DE's, and it's reading all those that have def helped me come to terms with it. Part of me is actually quite looking forward to going down that route and going abroad for treatment.

    Hope you feel better about it all soon xxx

  • Hello Hannah,

    I'm so sorry to hear this...

    I can understand how difficult to tolerate the situation.

    But just have faith and keep going on.

    Many hugs

  • So sorry Hun!! It is hard to hear.even at my FET a few days ago with our last embryo, the clinic mentioned donor eggs so I know they r not too hopeful for this cycle.i like u have always thought it would happen...I've always done everything later in life than all my friends so I thought this would be the same.i thought infertility..? That's not my story!! My story ends with a baby!!! I guess no matter how crushed we feel,we have to take some comfort in the fact that with modern science these other avenues exist.that a child is still a possibility, maybe just not quite the way we imagined xxx

  • Oh my heart goes out to you love. Those immortal words that our eggs are "too old" are just so hurtful to swallow aren't they. The first time my consultant attempted to utter them, I stopped him in his prime by blaming my endometriosis, in fact blaming anything else I could get my hands on, then bursting into tears to cut him off so I didn't have to hear the words I knew he needed to say. I would have gone as far as stuffing all the flaming tissues he gave me into his mouth so I didn't have to hear those horrible words.

    Within 5 mins of leaving his room I denied all knowledge of hearing them as I wouldn't accept it! Stay in blissful ignorance..."I WILL have a baby", "I'll show him" I muttered as I felt out his surgery! You feel you have failed in some way, despite doing everything you have tried and it totally sucks. While you may have come to terms with it slightly in your own mind, it is still a very different kettle of fish when a stranger re-iterates the same words, they come across so much louder and more hurtful somehow and make the whole thing more real as they slap you in the face head on.

    I've just been filling in consent forms for DE treatment in a couple of months time, and it's now taken me over a week to get the first one done as it's feeling like a massive hammer to my heart, it's that realisation moment again 'this is it' and that the only way I can try and have a family is with donor eggs, someone else eggs when it should have been my own. I know I am still not there accepting it especially when I come to fill out forms and the words mentioning 'recipient' and 'donor eggs' look like they're jumping out the page and punching me. I know how hard it is, I am riding the same horrible journey and I can sympathise greatly with you. I try and blame my endometriosis and feel better that I can try and convince myself I may never have been able to have children even in my twenties as the endo had done so much damage lying un-diagnosed, I know that I use that as a reason rather than admit the horrid truth I also have these "old eggs" it is such a horrid phrase!

    My partner and I went to a egg donation info evening and I just sat in a blur feeling like it was a bad dream and just saying to myself 'how on earth did it get to this' I just could not accept I was sitting in this room with all these other people use like me having problems conceiving and needing to consider a donor.

    But, we are a very strong breed us girls on here! I am so proud of you to face up and look ahead and that says a lot about you in my book. To go back to Spain and give it another go is testament to the wonderful spirit and hope you have and don't ever lose that. I know how incredibly hard it is and I know how you are feeling. I know that's no consolation but I do get it and your words rang very true with me.

    Hold your head high and give yourself a huge pat on the back as you are getting up again, brushing yourself down, picking yourself up and going on and I think you should be incredibly proud of yourself for doing that as it is not easy. Your message has given me a much needed kick up the bum too and I need to do the same and keep going despite feeling like everything bad is happening!

    I wish you all the very very best, you so deserve it. Keep going, you're doing fantastically Sxx

  • I really feel for you. I had the same conversation pretty much when I sought a second opinion back in Feb. At 41 I know my eggs aren't young but it wasn't what we expected to hear. She suggested one last shot with clomid plus ivf so here I am on the 2ww. Only got one egg at collection. If this doesn't work then our next step is donor egg probably in Spain too. The added problem is that we live in New Zealand! X

  • Hey Hannah! It definitely is hard to hear someone tell you that your chances are reduced due to your age but to then be faced with actually being told there is no chance, well that is another story! We are doing our last NHS cycle but from our previous cycles there is a fair chance it wont work for us (been told due to my age etc) and we will have to move to donor eggs after this. Still trying to get my head around this as like you! Sending you big hugs for now!xx

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