this is more of a offloading post I don’t have anyone to talk to regarding my failed ivf and infertility .
My husband has two children from a previous relationship and I feel like he has fulfilled his genetic duty to the world . He acts like our two rounds of failed ivf didn’t happen and he has said if it doesn’t happen for us then he is ok with that . I have seen a side of him I don’t like during this process .
I don’t feel the same and because of this I feel so so alone . The ivf clinic doesn’t care . And I mean they don’t . Just want me to do another third transfer and I am having to go and research everything and then go to them with my suggestions . It’s a joke to be honest . I know women go through so many more transfers than me and I just want to know how do you keep strong ? I ovulate every month . I’m sick of tracking my ovulation and then getting my hopes up only to feel my hormones crashing because I’m not pregnant it’s actually driving me mad .
Sorry for the negative energy , cramping for the last few days and negative tests yet again and I’m just absolutely sick of it all I just want someone to help x
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Natasha2012
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I’m so sorry to read your post. We have spoken on messages before so I know your story. IVF is hard enough for me dealing with my own emotions let alone dealing with the other stuff you are. You like I have experienced similar in the past so please message me if you ever want to chat x
I was actually thinking about you today , that sounds weird 😩😂 I actually feel weak when I know you have done more transfers than me and you keep such a positive attitude towards it all. I’m just run down and emotionally drained . Had a uti confirmed today by the doctor which I think I have had a while and the 3days of antibiotics I had for it back in Jan didn’t shift it so it’s odvs quite a bad infection . I’m in between clinics right now , getting ready for a dual stim in may likely now . It’s just a lot . I lost my mum last year aswell suddenly to cancer and I just feel like nothings going right . Sorry for the negativity I’m so hormonal today . How are you ? When is your next cycle ? Xx
IVF is rough - so rough. So many hormones and emotions.
I did 4 egg collections and 6 transfers before we were successful - it felt like a long road but in reality it was under 2 years. I was so pushy with my clinic, I did all the research and told them what I wanted to try and when. I'm sure they hated me by the end but you have to do what's right for you.
Whats weird is that my partner was the one who wanted kids really - I was never that fussed, but as soon as I was told we wouldn't get pregnant naturally - it was all I wanted. We've had a lot of ups and downs in our relationship due to IVF but I think that is only natural TBH - you will both deal with it differently... I clam up and don't talk too much about how I'm feeling with him which doesn't help. I just always focused on next steps - that's what really got me through.
The consultants are getting funny with me as I’m sort of telling them how to do their job , the review consultation after the second failure was ridiculous. Over in ten minutes and she seemed so disinterested. It’s quickly taken over my life and I’m so so scared it’s not going to work . I’m booked in for a saline scan , Emma / Alice and a scratch next month . You did amazingly well and are so strong 💪. Xxxx
This message resonates with me a lot. Wr have been TTC for over 3 years, never had a positive, but nothing wrong can be found. We did 2 IVF rounds last year, the first one was a chemical, and the second a BFN. I was the one proposing my clinic any changes between the first and the second. I haven't done a third, because their idea was to do the exact same thing. I am getting all the tests done on my own decisions, have done the inmunes (all good) and are planning on getting my endometrial biopsy before we go for our third and last round.I feel the same than you, this is taking over my whole life and as bad as it sounds, I want to do other things other than ovulation/pregnancy tests. Only you will know where your limit it, and only you can decide what is right for you. And whatever that decision is, it will be the best one for you
I see you have been to Warwick regarding implantation . I have an app with them next week . I cramp really badly around implantation . Be it in a natural or ivf cycle . How have you found the team there ? I just want to enjoy my life but I also want a child with my husband . It shouldn’t be so hard xx
I haven't been in Warwick yet, I tried to book an appointment this morning but couldn't get through. You can tell me all about it when you do yours 😀
I agree it shouldn't be that difficult, and of course I want a child with my husband, but we both agreed that the physical and metal toll it has on me makes me a really really unhappy person. So decided to try one more time, and that will be the end of IVF for us...most important is we have each other...
Oh mine is just a video call with dr brosens . I totally understand putting a limit on it all . What tests have you had ? We only have one embryo left then it’s back to egg collection again 😩 xxx
I had bloods to test for inmune system problems, including vitamin D, tyroid, sticky blood...a whole bunch, but everything seems ok. We don't have any frozen embryos, haven't been able to freeze anything on either of the 2 cycles we had. That's why I really don't want to embark on a fresh cycle without testing for everything under the sun. It could be the quality of my eggs, but as in both cycles we only had 2 embryos, I rather just transferred them instead of spending more money. xx
No, I don't know...I went away of my clinic to do all the testing, and to be fair, I don't think I want to go back to them for my last transfer. I just booked an appointment with Prof Brosens for mid-April, so we will have to take it from there...what about you?
It’s a brutal process, I can 100% relate to your post. My partner checked out really during lots of my treatment and our reason for IVF was male factor so at times this made me quite resentful and I found the whole waiting game excruciating. It was tough on our relationship and I often think that won’t completely recover. But.. after 3 rounds with 3 transfers , it worked and at my lowest point when I was about to give up, it worked.
I look back and can recognise the toll it took on me. I felt alone and really not myself. Like you, I felt that the clinic didn’t care. My treatment was during Covid so the clinic would warn me that if I tested positive, my cycle would be cancelled and the money lost. I was really depressed and felt hopeless.
Like Millbanks i found it useful to focus on the next steps. I kept my thoughts focused on what I had to do to be in the best form for treatment. Try as much as possible to keep busy and distracted from thinking about the worst scenarios, just focus energy on your plan. Most of all, forgive yourself and be kind to yourself. You won’t always feel this way and one way or another you will get there. Good luck, keep going 🍀🍀 xx
I changed clinics and did a short protocol instead of long but got fewer eggs (only 3) which I was devastated about at the time. It was my worst egg collection in terms of numbers. Only 1 fertilised but that was enough to give me my little boy. At 41, my egg quality was likely to be poor. I just took vitamin D and kept as active as possible and ate a healthy Mediterranean style diet which was normal for me anyway. I had given up hope that it would ever work so really didn’t do anything special. Good luck, it really does just take one right embryo xx 🍀
hi there - I’m so sorry to hear you are feeling this way and I completely relate. It feels like a deeply isolating journey and not one that everyone understands.
Does your clinic offer any counselling as part of your treatment? The clinics I’ve used offer a free session with each round (although they often don’t make patients as aware of this as I think they should!), and I’ve found it really helpful.
There are three other things I find helpful. The first relates to the IVF process and is only focusing on the next step as others have said. Otherwise it feels just too much and I become overwhelmed.
The second thing - and it’s not for everyone - has been to focus on the positives of either outcome fully. I’m not saying I won’t be heartbroken and destroyed if this difficult journey ends in no baby, because I will be. But I spent some time writing down all the things I’d love to do and see and experience in my future that are nothing to do with babies. At first I found it impossible, but with time it helped me see hope beyond this process if it doesn’t work.
That doesn’t mean I’ve given up hope - I’m still desperate for a child. Right now, I still cry most days because I feel sad. It just means I don’t feel the same kind of unbearable pressure and panic I did before. I found Elizabeth Day’s recent podcast on going through years of unsuccessful IVF deeply helpful with this.
The third thing that’s helped me is maybe a boring suggestion you’ve heard, but it’s yoga. I do a mix of vinyasa classes and restorative. it has been a total lifeline the last 3 months and I don’t know how I did IVF without it before.
I’m really sorry for the distance you have been feeling from your partner. I hear you and you aren’t alone. IVF puts such pressure on relationships.
thank you all for your messages . I can just feel myself getting more and more angry and bitter over it all . There was a young child in the waiting room last week and it upset me so much . At that moment in that clinic with the boy being held by his mum it really upset me . My husband asked me what was wrong and got annoyed with me saying I can’t get like that with every child I see. I don’t . I see children all the time . It was just when I am there , it seemed more profound . He just doesn’t get it . At all. I don’t even know if I can stand the way he doesn’t care like I do . What’s the point ? Caring is all you have sometimes. I don’t feel like I can talk openly to the counsellor , I would prob get my ivf called off 😂 I just feel very alone and it’s not a good place to be xxx
Oh love, my heart breaks because I felt exactly the same. When I went back to the clinic to try DE, I made sure I didn’t take my son with me because I remember how painful I found it. While I was going through the cycles, I just wanted everyone and their children to go away and leave me alone. I found it too painful. I avoided any kind of interaction with pregnant people or those with young children. While we were (pointlessly) TTC, my partner took me on a ‘day out’ to this National Trust place which was filled with families, I felt so upset and then my period started and I remember just crying and asking to go home. My partner didn’t get it at all. I felt very alone but I think it’s a hard battle to share with anyone who hasn’t gone through it. We can all relate to your feelings 100%, everyone on this forum understands and you are not alone, but I know it feels like that at the moment. One way or another you will have a baby, please try and focus on the things that can work. It’s really hard, i completely understand xx
Im looking forward to my initial appointment with prof brosens at the Warwick implantation clinic, i just want to know why it hasn’t worked . I’m also seeing Adrian lower next month who is an expert on fibroids and fluid in uterus . My clinic have said fluid doesn’t affect inplantation because “the baby doesn’t go there “ 😩 it may or may not affect things but I need to check . I’m going to be busy next month 😂😂 it may be egg quality I am nearly 38 , we got 3 blasts from 9 eggs retrieved , 1 A and two Cs xx
So sorry to read your experience. I've started to struggle emotionally. I had to tell my boss I'm not attending colleague baby shower, he knows my situation. When I get to point of testing testing testing it starts to feel like visious cycle of grief, anger and fear, that's what I learned in my counselling this week. Massive cliche but self care is important, do something to give the mind a break.
I've booked myself in for Warwick clinic but I have to wait until April. Would you be able to share how it goes? I don't know anyone who's been their story. I've searched online so keen to hear what happens, what they did, ultimately outcome.
IVF is, random and crap. For those who ended up with a child could have ended up without one. Counsellor told me in the end it's nature that decides and science is still way behind getting implantation to work. I think steps your taking to Warwick is good one. I've decided for tests to minimise miscarriage and I've not been pregnant yet, IVF is teaching me to thinking ahead, sadly.
of course I will , I am having a virtual consultation with him on Monday . I really do think my problem is my uterus due to my c sections . I cramp really badly for a few days after transfer . I believe my embryos are trying to implant . I ovulate every single month . It does feel like it’s random . My consultant did tell me that case is unusual with my c sections . Truth is I don’t think they know what these procedures do to your uterus over time , my last one was 7 years ago . I am praying someone can help. I am here to talk whenever you want . I won’t let ivf cripple me emotionally but it’s trying 😂 xxx
Thank you very much. I would be pleased to get the support and learn more. I think generally IVF is super new, and specialist are still trying to figure it out themselves. Unfortunately we're dependent on them to find us the answer. I hope the consultation goes well on Monday. All the best. Xx
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