How to keep going on?

[Beechnut1]

Hi all, I don't post on here very often but read all your posts every morning. I have just had my first BFN after my second transfer (it was FET) and I am beyond devastated, yesterday I was inconsolable and I am wondering how to keep going? TTC has taken over my life and I feel like a shell of my former self. My biggest struggle is my job, I'm a midwife and because of that I feel like I have zero break from it all. If I'm not at work surrounded by pregnancy, birth, beautiful parents, women having there 6th baby removed (you name it I see it!) I'm at home dealing with friends and family pregnancy announcements. To begin with I was really good at keeping my own emotions separate but as time goes on and the heartache and disappointment increase the less I'm coping. Literally the thought of going on to labour ward makes me sick and anxious to my core.

I'm trying so hard to not go off sick as I'm already on sickness review for taking time off last year for laporoscopy and having a miscarriage (ridiculous I know!! Like I could help it!). Last failed cycle in May I continued working but this BFN has floored me, I believed with my whole heart that it had worked I was nauseous and vomitted the day before OTD and was convinced I was pregnant turns out it was just a very ill timed tummy bug (FFS!).

My question is how to you put yourselves back together after a failed cycle?

When do you decide that enough is enough?

How the heck do I juggle being a midwife with infertility with out going completely insane!!??

How many days can I spend on the sofa watching netflix and eating chocolate??

I have one frostie left day 6 blastocyst from our first fresh round.

Thank you so much in advance and all the strength I see on here every single day, your all bloody amazing x x x x

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi Beechnut1. As a midwife, most of our time is spent supporting one person or another through all sorts of events, happy and sad. If you haven't already done so, perhaps it's time for you to seek some support from a counsellor, either through your clinic or GP. There is also a charity called the "British Infertility Counselling Association" who just specialise in fertility issues and problems surrounding them. There is a charge for the service, but you might like to look at their website bica.net and see what you feel. The others will continue to support you here, and I shall be thinking of you. Diane

[Lizzielizzielizzie]

I’m so sorry. BFNs are very hard but they do get less raw and upsetting with time.

I wanted to post because I can’t believe you’re on sickness review for a miscarriage- was it recorded as a miscarriage on your work record? I didn’t think you were allowed to have pregnancy related sickness counted against you. I just mention it as I think it sounds like you feel like you need some sick leave and are scared of taking it, but I wonder if you did end up on a review whether they would have a leg to stand on? Might be worth taking some advice- do midwifes have unions? In the meantime I think Diane’s advice about counselling is good. I needed counselling for a while (as an early years teacher i can understand what you’re saying about finding your job incompatible with infertility) and it did really help. I believe your clinic has a responsibility to offer you a few free sessions.

[Lizzielizzielizzie in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

maternityaction.org.uk/advi...

[Cinderella5]

Whoa Im totally shocked that you got put on sickness review after suffering a miscarriage! I cant imagine what its like working as a midwife and going through this too. I have contact with pregnancy patients but Im not on the front line like you....Im not surprised that you are struggling. I think some counselling would perhaps offer another avenue to deal with your loss and the infertility journey itself, definitely check to see if your clinic has one. I cant really offer any advice, BFN's are horrible to deal with....we put ourselves through so much to just "have a go", it's so cruel! Huge hugs.x

[Abaco]

I am so sorry to hear of your bfn, it's just the worst feeling in the world and is so hard to pick yourself back up from but you will with time. I can't imagine how unbelievably hard it is to have the job that you do plus having the sickness review hanging over your head too, seems very unfair!I work at a school and although the children are older there are plenty of mums bringing babies in, just so hard. I've not long had a chemical and it does take time to pick yourself back up again there are good days and bad days but the bad days get slightly easier with time. I always feel better when We've got a plan together with the clinic on how we next proceed and to look onwards to that next transfer and hope, don't ever lose hope!

This board has also been amazing, it is really helping me to get through things and I'm sure it will help you too, thinking of you X

[MrsTina]

Big hug, I can only imagine how bad it is in your line of work. I’m a social worker and I dread the pre-birth assessment allocations. If you need time off you need time off, speak to your union I’m sure they’ll be able to advise. Lots of love x

[Beechnut1]

Thank you all for your replies. I'm going to go into work tomorrow and see how it goes! and I'm definitely going to talk to my boss in regards to the sickness review and the miscarriage. Wishing you all the best. Huge thanks xxxx