Hi all I really hope everyone is doing the best they can. Sorry, I just thought I would write how I'm feeling more than a question, so today at 2.45am this morning my sister gave birth to a little girl and I'm struggling with my feelings about it, i'm happy everything went well and shes healthy , but I got pregnant in May and I was suppose to be due 6th of December so 3 months apart from each other but i had a missed miscarriage, this just brings back memories of something I'm not going to have this year 💔 the worse thing is she's not even treated herself well during the whole of the pregnancy ect smoking and unhealthy habits and this is her 5th one, I know usually this is a site to get information and ask questions but I know you all know how it feels when you long for something that someone else can have so easy, I don't know how I can still have faith when God gives this truely precious miracle to people that don't deserve it, just feel lost at the moment, I don't even know when I could have the will to go and see her, I know it's not my neices fault I just don't know if I can bring myself to hold her in my arms knowing I should be doing the same with my baby in 3 months time 😔 thank you for listening
Feeling sad after sisters birth - Fertility Network UK
Feeling sad after sisters birth
I’m so sorry to hear about your miscarriage ❤️ it’s not the same, but I can empathise with how you feel - I have a niece born on the exact day that I would have been due had my first ivf transfer worked … and I think about it every year (she’s 3 now, nearly 4). My SIL is similar to your sis - smoked/drank in pregnancy and it did feel so unfair too. But life isn’t fair 🤷♀️ Try to remember, it’s okay to feel how you feel - you’re only human. Just try not to let the feelings eat you up and seek help if needed. One of the things I found helpful was reminding myself that I don’t want their baby, I want my baby. And for some reason that helped. Xxxx sending a big hug
Thank you for the reply and the uplift, it is hard its like I wanna know everything about her and what she looks like but just can't bring myself to go up just yet maybe a few months, I can hardly be around anyone pregnant let alone a baby, I'm also sorry about your history and I hope one day we will get what we all want and need, all the best ❣️
You’ll definitely get there to see the baby eventually. And you’ll love them lots. It took me a while to get through my “hating pregnant people and seeing babies phase” but I got there (somewhere between my 3rd & 4th transfer!)
For what it’s worth, it was transfer 7, embryo 9 that worked out for me. Hopefully you’ll get there sooner. X
I totally understand how you feel. After 4 failed embryo transfers I finally got pregnant after my 5th transfer. It turned out to be a chemical pregnancy. 3 months later my brother's girlfriend announced that she was 12 weeks pregnant. We had literally got pregnant within a week of each other but I had lost mine. It was so difficult and I couldn't be around her at all. Seeing her stomach just made me think how my belly would've looked had the pregnancy been successful. It felt so unfair as I'd been trying for years and it just seemed to happen for her. What made it even more difficult was her sending my parents pram pictures and asking them to go baby shopping with her. It felt like that was something that I should be doing with my parents.
I spent many a night crying and screaming into a pillow after that.
Fast forward several months later and I found out that my 6th transfer had been successful. I announced my pregnancy a couple of weeks after my brother's girlfriend gave birth after my 12 week scan.
What you're feeling is totally natural. Hopefully your time will come and this pain will gradually disappear. Until then, know that it's OK to avoid potentially painful situations. And it's OK to be angry.
Look after yourself x
Oh no that's absolutely terrible, you really must of been in a bad place bless you! Also talking about the pram pictures I had a similar incident, my mum bless her she forgot and proceeded to show me the baby clothes she'd got my sister before I reminded her and she was so apologetic, I don't want people walking on egg shells around me but of course somethings are a trigger, I'm so glad you got your baby in the end though, just shows that after all that pain something good will eventually come out of it for most of us, I appreciate your reply, take care also xx
Oh I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Just to share - my friend conceived the same month I lost my daughter when I was 21 weeks pregnant (two years ago). It was incredibly difficult to be around her when she was pregnant and to meet her little girl when she was born. She is older than me (I’m 39 and she is 43). They never wanted kids and got pregnant on accident - it all just felt so unfair. In truth i did avoid seeing her for a while because it felt too hard (especially meeting the baby for the first time), but overtime I was able to let go of the pain and now I actually feel a genuine happiness for their family apart from my own pain and grief. Like someone said above, I told myself I didn’t want her baby I wanted my own. It will take time and know that it is totally okay to have space.
I'm so sorry for your loss rjfguitfg, it's such raw emotions we all go through 😢, thank you for your message x
It's super hard to see others experience what you long for, especially when you've been through so much pain yourself. The mix of happiness for your sister and grief for your own loss must feel so overwhelming, and you may feel conflicted. Please don't be too hard on yourself for struggling with this. Grief doesn’t have a timeline, and it often shows up when we least expect it.
As for seeing your niece, give yourself grace. It doesn’t make you a bad person if you need time before you're ready to meet her. You deserve space to heal, and that can look different for everyone.
I hope that, in time, you’ll find your way through this heartache. Sending you strength. xx
Thank you Christianbaby, I will get there, I just saw a Facebook post of my neice and I let all my emotions come out just now, but oddly I feel a little better and more positive, all the best ❤️
I just want to pop in and say your feelings are totally valid. You have every right to feel this way, it just flat out sucks. I hope you get your rainbow baby soon ❤️
Thank you, I'm wishing everyone the best 💕
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