Desperate, confused and very sad... - Fertility Network UK

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Desperate, confused and very sad...

Neniel profile image

I have been diagnosed with PCOS about 8 years ago, pretty much at the same time my OH and I started TTC. We have been trying for 8 years, but not one BFP in sight. I started off having irregular periods, when I was diagnosed, maybe one every 3 months or so, now about 2 years ago I started bleeding constantly, having maybe 3 weeks off in the 2 years. The gynecologist I saw last year because of this and recently again says all I can do is take the pill or get the mirena coil inserted to try and stop my bleeding, when I told her that I already tried this and it didn't do anything, she didn't listen. It felt like she just looked at me when I walked in, saw that I was overweight and that was it... Yes I am overweight and yes I know I need to lose weight, but honestly (even though my doctors don't believe me), I am trying very hard to lose weight, but it just won't come off... I am eating low carb, healthy food (no pasta, no bread, no potatoes, no cereal, no red meat, no dairy etc.) and go to the gym at least 3 time a week, more if I can. I started doing this seriously at the beginning of the year and lost about 6 lbs. When I went to my sister's wedding a couple of weeks ago and ate a few things I don't normally eat (like a potato, a bread role and a few other things over 2 days) I gained all of this back.

This is so frustrating and I don't really know what else I can do. I want a baby so bad and it's making me depressed that it seems to be happening for everyone else, just not for us. Also the constant bleeding is getting between my OH and I.

I don't understand why my efforts to lose weight aren't really giving me any results, I don't understand why I gain weight so easily if I go off track for 1 day, I don't know what else to do... :'(

Just wanted to see if anyone is in the same boat and maybe has any tips? I honestly would do anything to make this better and finally lose weight...

12 Replies

Hi Neniel - It sounds like you've had a lot to deal with over the past 8 years, TTC can be stressful after so much time and it causes a lot of heartache. This site is great for when you're having days like this, everyone is so supportive and understands what you're going through so don't be shy when you're having a rough time, we're all here for each other.

It sounds like you're giving yourself a hard time at the minute :( It's great that you're trying hard to lose the weight, this could make a big difference to your ability to conceive as well as your overall health and confidence so keep at it lovely! I don't know how much weight you have to lose but, if you've been tested for the usual things like thyroid etc and all is normal, it might be beneficial to join a group like slimming world to help you? I say this because my sister has lost 7 stone in a year thanks to SW and the support she has there. It can be so difficult to lose weight, especially if there are other emotional and health factors you're dealing with at the same time so don't get down if it takes you a while to get going.

I'm not a nutrition expert but cutting out all of those foods can lead to low energy which can have us reaching for a quick pick me up that isn't always good for us! Try switching to wholemeal breads/pasta and brown rice which are easier for the body to digest. Just smaller portions maybe than you're used to. Lean meat/eggs for protein (gotta keep those eggs healthy!) as well as plenty of fruit and veg. And don't underestimate how much water can help with weight loss, especially if you're going to the gym a lot. Aim for 2 litres a day if you can. Listen at me pretending I know what I'm talking about! :D haha But I know these things have always worked for me to lose a bit of weight and it has definitely worked for my sister.

In the meantime, keep your chin up, keep smiling and looking forward. You can do this, you have a the biggest thing to keep you motivated; your health and your future family. Lots of luck to you Neniel, I really hope you do well and you get your happy ever after. Take care x x x

Neniel profile image
Neniel in reply to MommaBear16

Hey MommaBear, thank you for your reply.

I have about 7 stone to lose and I am working with a nutritional therapist. I've tried Weight Watchers before, but it didn't do anything for me...

I do drink a lot of water and Ginger or Cinnamon Tea. I do eat vegetables, fruit only sometimes because of the sugar, I also eat eggs and chicken, lamb or turkey. I have 3 meals a day and up to 2 snack (most days none, because I am not hungry in between meals). It's just so hard to stick with it if I am not having any success...

I am really feeling sad and lonely at the moment and like nobody understands how I am feeling. So I am glad I found this site...

MommaBear16 profile image
MommaBear16 in reply to Neniel

The way you're feeling is exactly how my sister used to feel. I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. If that's what you're eating then stick with it my love and you will do well, there's no way that you can't. Just make sure you're eating enough to keep going. You're lucky you don't feel hungry between meals, I have to keep nuts in my desk drawer for while I'm at work! haha

I hope you start to see a difference with things soon, try to be more kind to yourself, you're doing the best you can x

Hi I had pco from being about 13. As soon as my periods started really. I was In a size 16 before high school and and I was only when I got clinical depression that I got anywhere near normal weight. Sadly weight gain is the nature of the beast with pcos and you have my sympathies. It's like your on a hill that your running up all day and when you turn round you've got nowhere. I was lucky up not have the male pattern hair growth, which is why I never had the full blown syndrome. Has anyone ever checked your thyroid? It might be an idea to have a thyroid function test done to check your dealing with more than one thing that could be easily remedied. I've got sub clinical hypothyroidism and the symptoms of pcos and that go hand in hand. They put me on celeste due to my weight to try and stop the spontaneous bleeding and that made it worse. Eventually in my late 20s the pco subsided and while I have stayed weighty ( 15 stone ) at 5-5 it's not stopped me having a family. I will be having my 3rd boy Christmas week. Last one took over 5 years to concieve. Mainly due to the thyroid treatment and lots of little prayers 😊.

There's little miracles waiting to happen to all of us, and I've been in that crappy dark hole your in. Keep believing Hun. There's a plan in place for all of us 😊🙏❤️👼🍀

Hey misswinky, I pretty much get all the symptoms: period problems, male pattern hair growth (tummy, legs, arms, chin, upper lips and cheeks), thin hair/hair loss, skin flare-ups, weight gain and difficulty losing it... you name it, I have it.

I am not sure if my thyroid has been checked, but my GP isn't very supportive. I am planning on seeing a PCOS (among other things) specialist soon privately, I am just waiting for a confirmation of the appointment and I am hoping he can help me, as otherwise I am really not sure what else to do...

Congrats on your pregnancy, you must be so excited. :)

We are but even at 21 weeks we've still had scares and I don't think I'm gonna relax till he's in my arms! It winds me up when the GP suggests the pill or coil when the whole purpose of being there is to try and get pregnant! My doctor is the same. I've moved surgeries before now due to feel like I'm banging my head against a wall. My best friend has the whole shooting match too. They have referred her to a dermatologist after she went tobthr doctor with symptom related depression. And they agreed to pay for the first 3 sessions of laser hair removal Which Was about 3 hours worth. I think doctors don't realise the extent of how delapidating it can be. They treat acne and other skin problems so why not excess hair 😡 Maybe that's aN option for you?

I don't blame you going down the private route, but for the sake of a few quid get your thyroid function done too. Even if it's fine you can just tick it off your list 😊

Good luck my lovely.

Hi Neniel, I completely understand the weight issues related to PCOS! I too have the syndrome and I feel like if I'm not actively trying to lose weight then I automatically gain. And when I am trying to, all it does is keep me from gaining - it is so hard to lose!

Every woman is different, but for me it all changed this year when I started getting somewhere with our fertility treatment referrals. It was laid out very clearly to me that my weight was very probably affecting my ability to get pregnant. I made the decision that I just had to get to a healthy weight, there were no excuses. We don't have any gyms close enough that I would actually use them, and I didn't want to waste money on something I wouldn't be using. So I started running. I have never been a runner before, and I was not thrilled by the idea, but I had said to myself no excuses, so I just got out and did it! I have been running 5-6 days per week for months now (started small, then built it up), and that paired with smaller portions and continued healthy eating (basically cutting out any processed foods that I could, and all sugar, keeping things as natural as possible), I have lost all the weight I wanted to and am now officially measuring within a healthy BMI for the first time in my adult life! I lost over 10kg since April (not sure what that is in pounds).

I am in the middle of my first IVF cycle now, booked in for egg retrieval tomorrow, and I'm really hoping that the weight loss makes the difference and we can hold on to our baby. At least if it fails, I'll be able to look back and say I worked my butt off and did everything I could.

All the best with your journey - I think the advice from the other ladies about getting thyroid etc checked is good advice.

Well done hopeful mamma for that weight loss! Especially like you say with pcos if you even look at a plate of chips you put on a pound! Great job 👌

Hi Neniel, so sorry to hear you are having such a struggle. I also had to loose weight to be considered for IVF. I have lost just over 3 stone since January, on Slimming World ( weight watchers also didn't work for me). Might be worth a go as the group it's self really help. Just like this one everyone has the same aim and someone just may have similar experiences. It helped me to just take it week by week and have a plan that wasn't difficult to stick to. (Plus I keeping a food diary was useful)

Whatever you decide I really hope you fined the right fit for you and going private helps medically. I wish you all the best for your journey xx

Thank you all for your replies and encouragement. I will be seeing my nutritional therapist again on Saturday and my GP is putting together the paperwork to be sent to the doctor I am going to see privately. I will keep going to the gym and hope that something will make a difference in the end.


Just thought I would give you the title of a great book for PCOS sufferers: natural solutions to PCOS by Dr Marilyn Glenville. It explains the issues we face in simple words and offers lots of advice. You can also find lots of info on her website

This book helped me deal with PCOS and change my diet for the better. I highly recommend it for you, especially as you seem to be struggling with it all. It will give you hope and help you fight this beast!

Good luck,


I’m sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like you’ve made every effort to lose weight and it’s not working for you, how upsetting 😔 Have you had your thyroid tested? Your TSH needs to be below 2.5 to conceive and less than 2 after a pregnancy is confirmed. If you are hypothyroid this can make it difficult to lose weight. Also another thing that is recommended for PCOS is myo-inositol as it helps control blood sugar, protecting eggs from damage and even restoring ovulation in some people. There’s a supplement called inofolic I think which is geared towards PCOS sufferers so that might be worth a try?

I’m sorry you’re not being listened to - sometimes doctors seem to have a set opinion about something and won’t take on board what you tell them. I’ve experienced that in other areas. Perhaps seeking a second opinion from someone with an interest in PCOS would be a good idea xx

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