Why don't know one understand?

Hi I don't really know where else to express my feeling so I'm just going to do it on here! So me and my hubby have been trying to convince for roughly 3 1/2 years, all this time as I'm 1 of six children, all of my siblings have had children what's the chances of that lol well actually I have a massive family all together lots of cousins to and I'm the very last to have a child(if it actually ever happens) so why am I the only one struggling! I know it's not all about me obviously but seriously trying to get any kind of support from any of them is like getting blood from a stone! Even trying to talk to my Mum about what is about to happen(very soon starting ivf) just ain't sinking in, I tell her something about it all say a week ago and by the week after I mention what I'd told her and shes clearly not listened to it as she's got no clue what's got to happen when I'd already told her and she shrugs it of by saying don't worry it will be your turn soon. Wtf seriously is that my support is it! I don't know what to do to make her realize how I'm feeling. Sorry for the rant but maybe any of you who feel the same could do with a rant to so I know it's not just my selfish family xx

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  • Families don't understand. Mothers, sisters, cousins even friends don't understand. They probably try to understand but until you've struggled with infertility I don't think you can truly understand.

    My Mum has been as supportive as she can. She gets confused over ivf jargon and procedures even though I've explained every step, it's like she just doesn't take it in, or maybe doesn't want to. When she heard of the dangers of OHSS in my first round (I was borderline) we argued because she didn't want me to continue, she couldn't see that I had to do it! She didn't get it. This time around with my fet I suffered terrible headaches and she says if it doesn't work again I shouldn't put myself through it anymore. She just doesn't get that I have to exhaust all options in pursuit of starting my family. She tells me I've become obsessed. She doesn't get it because she never struggled. I know she would be so so happy for me if it works, she tells me nothing would make her happier.

  • Hi tarahxxxxx. It is so important to tell yourself that the feelings you are experiencing are quite normal. It’s important that you choose how and with who you spend your time at the moment in order to minimise any distress and to look after yourselves. On a practical level, maybe you could start a new hobby, if you have time. Also remember that most people experiencing infertility do so as a couple and often feel very isolated, so apart from each other, in spite of your huge family, it would be good to confide in one of your best friends or a family member. There are always going to be pregnant women and babies around, we can’t alter that, but remember that you do not have to go to parties for babies/children, just send a card with perhaps a gift of money or a voucher, saying that you look forward to meeting “whoever” in the future. Perhaps look into attending a support group? If you have a look at our website fertilitynetworkuk.org you will be able to access a list of groups. Unfortunately, there is not always one in your immediate area, but it can sometimes be beneficial to go to one outside your district in order to see how other hospitals/clinics treat their patients and how the patients themselves cope. Most only meet up once a month or two months, so if you feel you want to mix, it could be worth the journey. There’s always the opportunity of counselling which might help, your clinic should be able to organise this for you both. Meanwhile I do wish you well with your treatment when you start, and of course for a positive result. Thinking of you. Diane

  • Hello

    You will get the support you need on this forum . Everyone on here is really supportive and helpful. This journey can be an extremely hard one to understand for people who are looking in from the outside if that makes sense?. It is often that people do not know what to say as they feel that what they say will be wrong or unhelpful . When I started this journey I felt so alone. Although I had the family network around me every step of the journey it felt like they didn't truly understand how I was feeling. I recently got upset in a conversation with my mum about it.. and my mum told me that it is because my mum feels like she can not make it better for me . Which is true .. but told me that I am loved and to keep going.

    Right now it will feel .. why me ? Like you wrote you have a large family and feel like you are the only one to have this issue sometimes people don't talk about fertility or losses . So you may think you are the only one with fertility issues but a sibling may of had an issue some where along.

    If ever you need a chat my inbox on here is always open and I will be more than happy to try and help 💕

  • Aw thanks hun your right I was probably being a bit selfish myself, just felt hopeless this morning but now the days gone on I actually feel quite guilty as my sis has also had a miscarriage not so long back thanks for making me realize that 😘 xx

  • Honestly your not selfish . Just when in moments of despair it feels like we are alone . Maybe if you and your sister were to have a chat it may help you both 💕💕 xx

  • Hi love. It's hard. No one can ever understand unless they have walked in our shoes. My mum didn't really understand the whole process very well and she lives in Ireland. Last cycle she was over with me on a visit and she came to a scan and saw me inject and she really really understood it more. Could you involve her in some way?

    I also think sometimes that if people haven't had to experience this and have kids already, they never really want to try understand. I think they feel uncomfortable as they have what we want. I get that but it annoys me as I always think my feelings on this occasion or more important then theirs! In fact we told a certain group of friends last time and hardly got any support so this time around we aren't even telling them when we are starting again!

    It's rubbish but I'm trying to push out my bad feelings on it and focus on the next step!

    Xxx

  • Nobody truly understands unless they have been through this. Both my parents and in laws have struggled..I also think it is generational. We gave both sets of parents this leaflet as I felt we needed to help them to understand and both found it useful. Ahh can't find link to leaflet. .will post later. Sending you a huge hug xxx

  • Families, Parents, Friends & Colleagues – Fertility Network

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