I'm here hoping to find someone who may be feeling the same. I'm single, not through choice, and have been trying to have a baby for 12 years with a few different partners. I'm fit & active, eat healthy, live a clean lifestyle, barely drink, have never taken drugs or smoked. I found out yesterday that my sister, who parties hard, chronic smoker, drug user, and has a lot of casual sex is pregnant. 5 weeks. One night stand.
I feel like it's so unfair. I feel selfish for not being happy for her. I feel hopeless and find myself crying endlessly. My brother had his 4th baby just a week ago, my eldest brother has 7 children. I feel numb and angry and devastated and selfish all at the same time.
Am I bad person? Have I done something in my life that is deserving of such a brutal punishment? Am I destined to be childless? Please tell me someone here understands how it feels? I'm going out of my mind and don't know who I can talk to!
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Scarlett7319
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No ofcourse you are not bad person, you are a good person and you been genuinely trying to have family and trying to be healthy. Please stay healthy and clean and don’t bring anything bad in your brain that it’s punishment or something. I am Muslim so I believe one thing that God always take tests from his good people to put them in complex and challenging situations because God knows they can tackle it and come through it and after all that pain there must be happiness and you will see hopefully, May God almighty help us fulfil our dreams and wishes and lead us on right path Ameen
I sympathise with your post. I ended up being in a abusive relationship because I was chasing the dream of having a traditional family setup. It was difficult to get out of but, I managed. I thought I would be childless for the rest of my life. I have had to go down the route of having a baby via sperm donor and IVF. I am really happy I have had my baby although I have had to grieve for the fact that I did not have my baby in a relationship. This however has got better in time. I have always been independent so manage fine. I think the problem with me is that I have always found it difficult to get partners. I've gone down every route in trying to find a partner, nothing worked. At the moment though I am enjoying my time with my baby though. It does sounds like you get partners though maybe you will meet someone and settle down. I don't know. Life is full of surprises.
I totally get and understand what you mean. Same thing happen to me. My sister just announced having baby number 3. With someone new😌😭😊 have you not thought about ivf using a sperm donor? That’s what I’m doing now (after this convid 19 dies down)
Here if you need someone to talk to ❤️
Aw Scarlet darling you are definitely not alone. Not in this forum anyway. If you would make a movie about the girls here everyone would have a different story. I have to see two pregnant women (in laws) very often and its very hard sometimes as they know or guessed i am struggeling and sometimes their comments hurt and i think do they do it on purpose or do they show off their belly on purpose etc etc. Am 34 and in my family thats is very late to not have kids. Years trying then finally ivf and its canceled now anyway. We All struggle and everyday we see in here positive posts literally 😁. So chin up. Stay strong. This shall too pass ❤️
Scarlett you are not alone we are always here for you 😘
You are not a bad person for thinking those thoughts and I think truth be told most people on this forum have had times when they feel the same way, I certainly have. Whatever people’s circumstances in relation to infertility it is hard and soul destroying. We are always here for you. With the situation we are all in the moment with the coronavirus this probably makes it worse as people have more time on their hands so think more. Maybe go out for your daily exercise as with some music as getting out may help take your mind of things even if temporarily. Make sure if you are stuck at home you have a routine however small this will also help. Not sure if you have been to the doctors to discuss your infertility concerns and maybe get some tests, if you haven’t maybe when things calm down you could do that as this might help and also give you options for your way forward to motherhood whatever that looks like. Take care hun xx😘
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(I thought I was an impossible childless case too) 
Just so sad
Feeling blue and so alone...
Feeling sad...
Feeling hopeless
Feeling down 
