Feeling Sad after three IVF cycle failures

[Katya22]

Hoping to get fourth cycle done sooner....However, I am feeling very sad and heartbroken after three cycle failures. In that journey my youngest sister got pregnant and due next month. Last year, when I heard this news I had mixed emotions very pleased for her but slight comparison...somehow I pulled myself together and put brave face on. My parents were feeling sad for me initially a but a year gone and they seemed to have accepted the fact that I might not have children so I can't confined in them anymore. I have been trying my best to cope but now my second sister is also pregnant, I am again very happy for her but I feel numb, its constant headache and cry all the time, finding all very hard to talk about how I feel or express my emotions. I feel every one pities me !! I don't think I am jealous of my sisters but why this sadness and emptiness all the time. I don't want to be jealous at all. This mixed emotions, comparison is not good for me, I know. My heart is sinking and darkness that I might not be blessed...I need to prepare and accept this very fact.

[Tnthketnf]

I am so sorry you're having such a hard time. Infertility is a very lonely place, isn't it? No one understands. Very hard to balance being happy for your sisters but also feeling how you feel when you compare yourself to them.Even jealousy is normal in these circumstances. I admit I feel like this at times. I wish I had they are having. I feel like every body is moving on having their babies watching them growing and I am still left here, chasing this double line on the hpt test. And I keep distancing myself from friends and relatives with pregnancies and babies. I don't have any negativity towards them just I can't help feeling sad about myself.

[JA-fnuk Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

It is perfectly normal to feel like this - do not be too hard on yourself . Allow time to grieve and have a good cry- scream - smash a few plates . Am sure your family are very aware of how you must be feeling at this time .Give yourself time to recover and make sure getting plenty of support . Hope you have taken advantage of your counselling appointment and remember to talk to your OH Sending a big hug and hope for the future

Janet

[Poppygarden]

Completely understand how you feel and sending you a huge hug. I just wanted to message and say you are not alone. I find that I’m really happy for others when they have such lovely news to share but I’m left feeling empty and reminded of how sad I am afterwards. One of the things I do in the low points is to spend more time with my partner focusing on doing things we enjoy like walking or spa trips. This journey is so hard and self care is really important. I hope your luck changes soon xxx

[MAPB]

COVID19 was hard, everyone I know seemed to have a baby or get pregnant in those 2 years. You know that their pregnancy doesn’t affect your success but don’t feel like any jealousy or devastation makes you a bad person in the slightest. You’re a human being with a heart and it’s broken. Like they’ve said above, you are not alone, there are a ton of ppl feeling exactly the same. Xxxx

[Hoping20]

I am so sorry you are going through this journey. Infertility is hard, heartbreaking and a very lonely place. Only us brave warriors will ever understand the immense pain and suffering it causes. Seeing your sisters pregnant and having babies is no doubt such a difficult thing for you to go through and process. Try to take extra care of yourself and I really hope you have some support around you right now. Thinking of you xx

[Bomboncita]

Hey, I understand that you are feeling sad right now but there is still hope! I know someone who did 8 cycles (not that I wish that for anyone but it shows that sometimes it takes a little longer). Also, during Easter I found out that a family friend is pregnant at 48 with donor eggs. She had to change doctors as she was not satisfied with the first one but it did end up working for her. So give yourself some time to disconnect but remember that it can happen!

[Jana483]

I know how you feel... My sister also got pregnant with her third baby while I was still trying to get pregnant via ivf and then she gave birth and I didn't get pregnant via ivf until he turned 2 years old...

When you say 3 failed ivf cycle you mean three transfers or 3 full fresh cycles (egg retrieval)?

[Katya22 in reply to Jana483]

Three fresh cycles, only the last cycle gave one frozen embryo and two times day-3 transfer but failed in TWW or no implantation. I am so at age hence choosing for fourth fresh cycle. That is also on long protocol which takes quite long as name suggests. but this protocol only gave us frozen embryo.when you are at your journey. I wish all the best.

Thanks for your reply.

[Jana483 in reply to Katya22]

I feel you so much, I have gone through 4 fresh cycles and 2 canceled cycles right before egg retrieval

I never thought I'll get my daughter but I did and I hope you get your baby soon.

I can only get 3rd day embryos I never ever reached a blast and watch cycle would give me 3 or 4 embryos max... The only difference is I started at a young age so time is on my side...

I wish you all the best from the bottom of my heart

[ButtercupGarden]

You definitely aren't alone with those feelings, try not to beat yourself up about it too much (although I know that is hard!). I really struggled when a close friend announced her pregnancy just as I was starting stims. It felt like a punch in the gut but I didn't feel able to tell anyone how I felt - where do you even start? I felt guilty for not being as happy for her as I should be, and didn't want to ruin her moment by talking about my own experiences. Putting on a brave face is totally exhausting. Look after yourself and definitely use your counselling session - I found it helpful to just talk to someone unconnected about this horrible mixture of emotions!