Hey! I hope everyone is doing as well as they can on this difficult journey.
I’m just feeling absolutely broken and empty after the latest knock and just wondering how everyone else continues to keep going?
A bit of background…
TTC 2 years then diagnosed with PCOS and started down ivf route
Had 6 cancelled cycles due to OHSS twice, then my lining wasn’t thick enough
Hysteroscopy found that I had severe scarring (no reason why) and it was removed and I took medication to try and resolve it
Covid happened and we had to wait 3 months
Started again and had another cancelled cycle due to thin lining
Next cycle we tried a non standard protocol where I inject gonal f alternate days to stimulate 1/2 follicles and the natural oestrogen thickens my lining- I had a lining of 4.6mm and my consultant let us have a go as fortunately we had 15 embryos and we also tried naturally at the same time- this was successful with my gorgeous LB
18 months ago we started trying for a sibling
1st cycle - BFP but unfortunately ended in MMC and after 2 x medical management unsuccessful, I had a D&C
2nd cycle cancelled as lining wasn’t thick enough but managed to conceive naturally, went to 6 week scan and found there was nothing there - it had ended as a chemical pregnancy
3rd cycle - another chemical
4th cycle - BFN
I had another hysteroscopy which was inconclusive so went for a 5th cycle
5th cycle - BFN
I had another hysteroscopy under GA which found more scarring which was from the D&C and basically told me I’d been wasting my time the whole last year as it would have been near impossible for the embryo to survive there
Follow up hysteroscopy showed the scarring had been successfully removed although very thin areas in my uterus so hoped next transfer would ‘land’ in the right place
6th cycle - poor response to meds and lining didn’t thicken so meds dramatically increased, I was told it could be because I’ve put on some extra weight! BFN
7th cycle we took an extra month off to have a break and family holiday, started taking stims, higher dose due to poor response last time. On Saturday the scan looked good. Lining trilmainar and 5.2 (good for me) with quite a few large follicles.
Then yesterday I went for re scan and was told I had over responded to the meds and there were too many follicles, I could either cancel the cycle due to risk of OHSS or do an egg collection (although no guarantee this would work as I may ovulate too early) given 30 mins to decide. So we decided to cancel the cycle. I was given busereline to releases the eggs although given strict instructions not to have sex.
Hoping we can start again in two weeks but told unlikely that my ovaries will have gone down by then.
I’m also questioning whether we should do an egg collection while I’m still 39, as my consultant told my my remaining 7 embryos that are grade C are unlikely to work. But we really hadn’t wanted to do this as I’m high risk for OHSS.
So now my heads a mess.
I’m really struggling to keep carrying on, with set back after set back. I know I’m so lucky to have my LB but I feel like such a failure for not being able to give him a sibling.
I’m struggling to be in touch with all my friends as there’s just one pregnancy after another popping up.
I can’t bare to give up on another child, but don’t know if I’m wasting my time and should just call it a day.
Thanks for everyone who’s read so far xxxxx
Written by
Daisy-Delilah
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I did a double transfer last time but unfortunately wasn’t to be. It’s difficult as my uterus has so many problems it could be that or the embryos.
My consultant said that they don’t even freeze C’s anymore and they are unlikely to result in pregnancy. My hubby says we can’t give up on our potential future child.
I was feeling really optimistic but tbh this has just given me a real knock and I can’t seem to snap out of it 🙁 x
You know I did 3 doubles before finally just 1 stuck. So I’m all for get them in and give them a chance. I had no known issues but still took 7 transfers. I do think it sometimes is really down to luck.
How would you feel about not giving those frozen ones a chance? Is it a case of transfer them or if not what happens to them?
Maybe find yourself just a little bit of breathing space and time to process it? I know you can do this! Whatever you decide to do! Get some Lion King on and sing along with little one and just forget about it all even just for a tiny while. X
If you follow emmatheembryologist on Instagram - she is extremely knowledgeable - you could consider asking her this question about the chances of a Grade C embryo or she may have something on her page about it already x
So after your advice Skittles11 I actually contacted my embryologist who gave a completely different story to my consultant!
He said there re a no way I should do another egg collection over using the embryos I have. As my eggs at 34 are far less likely to have genetic abnormalities than collecting eggs now at 39! Also he explained their grading to me
AA, AB, BB = top grade embryo
BC = good
CC= borderline however could still result in a viable pregnancy.
Also said that mine had a 77% chance of being normal
hello Daisy-Delilah, I’m so sorry to hear how difficult it has been for you. I don’t have any advice but just wanted to message and show some support. This is such a tough journey but you’re not on your own🙏
Oh my gosh, if you have 7 embryos I think personally it's worth trying those before putting yourself through further egg collections. Remember the gradings are a snapshot in time as well. 7 embryos gives you a great chance IMO x x
Thank you! It’s just so difficult as that’s what we thought made sense but my consultant recommended doing a fresh egg collection at this age rather than use the garden C embryos from when I was 34! Thank you for your positivity xxx
hi lovely I’m so sorry that you’re going through all this, it’s really unfair , just give yourself a little bit to get it all out and hopefully you can dust yourself off and start all over again. All the set backs are really frustrating but if you’re still willing to try , it’s worth every effort. Sending lots of love and strength your way xx
I just remembered there is this website by an embryologist that someone from this forum recommended to me , perhaps you could reach out to them for a second opinion or find something useful here
you said it yourself, your not ready to give up…that’s why you can go on. I’d be having nookie and hoping one stuck 🤣 only joking…well maybe 🙄
Look,,,,your body sounds like it’s trying its best, just not quite getting it right, I don’t think it’s time to give up, I think it’s time to get that fire in your belly again, reset and slap this thing right in the face.
You’ve done this so many times and kept on going. When it’s time to give in, you won’t need to question it, either because the fire is gone, or that babe is in your arms ❤️
Give your head some space to have a bad day or two and feel those sad, angry emotions, then decide which day (literally) that your going to wake up and think let’s have you!!
Make yourself get that feeling back of when you first started, not the ones of anxiety and the unknown, the ones filled with the hope that got you your little one that’s probably snoozing away right now. Purposely think a positive thought about things when you start thinking of a bad one. If you had a glass of water and it started to taste nasty, you wouldn’t keep drinking it, you’d go get a fresh one right?
Remember when you had days before your little one and your head would tell you that it would never happen- they were wrong weren’t they?
I absolutely love this! You should be a motivational speaker! 😂😘
Lol! I was actually tempted to give it a go but they warned me that I would almost certainly get OHSS which I’ve had before and is not good, also the trigger they gave me they said could cause a future miscarriage so unfortunately I decided against it🙁
You are so right. I was told years ago I’d never have a child and should consider surrogacy or adoption-so hopefully I can do this 💪🏻
Have you tried L-Arginine & vitamin E to help thicken your lining? It's recommended in the "it starts with the egg" book. I took it this time round and found my lining thicker. Haven't had the result of my TWW yet so don't know if it worked as such.
I just wanted to send you a hug! I’m exactly the same trying for a sibling has been heart breaking. I also have a LB from IVF. But didn’t realise 2nd time round it would be just as bloody hard! I also feel exactly the same it hurts me so much that I may never give him a sibling as my OH doesn’t want to adopt. Xx
It’s crazy isn’t it, you think you e been over the hurdles and the second one will be easier but I think it’s been harder if anything (except for the fact we have a little one at home to cuddle when it all gets too tough!)
I’m sorry to hear that your OH won’t pursue adoption. Tbh I don’t think we will- so if this doesn’t work for us we’ll be a family of three. But a very good one as I’m sure you are too 💖 xxx
Hi lovely, I’m so sorry you are going through this it’s such a tough journey. I just wanted to suggest inserting the estrogen tabs to thicken your lining vaginally if you do another FET. I always had lining issues and although my doc said inserting them wouldn’t make a difference and they probably wouldn’t dissolve… They did and it made such a difference, so much so that cycle worked! Just a suggestion. Best of luck xxxx
Hello, I had a lining cancelled due to thin lining. The next cycle they gave me Viagra from day 1 and I inserted estrogen at night time. On 3 further cycles my lining has been 7.8 - 8 mm x
I don't mind at all, my lining was 5.7 on the cancelled cycle. The doctor prescribed me Viagra from day 1 because it increases blood flow, it must have done the job because Ive had 2 frozen transfers after the cancelled cycle and my lining was 7.8mm for one transfer and 8mm ln the most recent transfer. I was also advised to take high dose vitamin E which I did, I also independently eat beetroot soup and drink bone broth x
I took the Viagra orally, it does give you a stinking headache due to the increased blood flow! But totally worth it in my opinion! I was prescribed 12mg of progynova that I took 2 x tablets 3 x a day. The night time tablets, I inserted vaginally which may have been helpful too, that was not how they were prescribed but I had found research that evidenced that helped. I take 2 x 400 tablets of vitamin E while in a cycle as high dose is recommended for lining x
Firstly, you're not a failure for not being able to give him a sibling - far from it - you're a warrior for keeping going - and when he's older he'll understand what you went through.
It's so hard to decide what to do after so many set backs. We've been trying for a sibling too and it's been difficult - we had 2 BFNs and an MMC (ongoing) and decided to call it a day. I can't keep putting myself through the emotional / physical / financial stress of it all.
We have 2 frosties and decided to have a break over the summer and see how we feel in the autumn - my gut feeling is that we won't try again. As heartbreaking as it is, I just feel like my journey has come to an end. I don't want to put the strain on me, my husband or my little boy anymore. I just want to enjoy what we have.
It sounds though that you're not quite at that stage - so what is your gut telling you?
The chances of getting normal embryos obviously get less as you get older, so maybe trying the ones you have would be the way to go. Rather than putting yourself through it all again.
And that's weird that your consultant said they don't freeze C's anymore because so many people on here have had success with that grade..
With your lining have you tried taking Vitamin E / castor oil packs? I found these helped me a bit when I was having lining issues.
I’m sorry to hear what a tough journey you’ve had too.
I really appreciate your support though. It’s just so difficult as even if we do get our wish I think the scars will never go away.
You are right, my gut is telling me to carry on, I think I just need a few days to get over this latest set back and pick myself up again. We have 7 Frosties and I think I’d always regret not seeing it through.
I had an interesting conversation with my embryologist today who said almost contradictory advice from my consultant which has given me a new boost of positivity! 💪🏻
I wish you good luck on your journey. We had a short break and it gave me a new boost to carry on, it’s unfortunate mine went this way. But maybe a break will do you good and you could have one or two more gos!
It's funny how medical professionals have differing opinions of grading - it's very confusing. I've just always been told that they won't freeze anything that doesn't have a good chance.
have you considered PGT-A testing? We had 9 embryos and I wanted to test them so we were only transferring ones with a decent chance....
Thank you - yes maybe I'll feel differently at the end of the summer - at this point I can't bear the thought of going back to my clinic - I feel a bit traumatised by all the scans and waiting and hoping, only for it to have stopped growing...
Yeah it’s so weird the different views. I’m just so pleased I managed to speak to the embryologist myself!
It’s like my husband says he can’t believe how experimental this all is as well!
Thanks for the suggestion. We have looked at PGT-A but we just don’t think it’s for us. We are nervous about having to thaw, take a biopsy, then re-freeze before thawing again for a transfer. We have read about false positives and false negatives. Also we are now doing double transfers so on balance it just wasn’t the right thing for us.
I completely understand on the feeling of trauma when visiting the clinic. I always feel a sense of dread going there. There’s been so many negative experiences, and bad news that’s happened there.
Hey so so sorry for your long journey.Might be worth you pursuing PRP for your endometrium issues.
I had awful adhesions and scarring 5 surgical hysteroscopys to remove and the prp on the rout up to transfer this got my lining to a cm this time after so many implantation failures etc
Without prp I wouldn't be pregnant now only 8 weeks but it's the furtherst I've ever been in this long journey.
Update: Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to respond. I wasn’t sure whether to write this post or not, but I’m pleased I did as it has really lifted my spirits and I feel quite overwhelmed in a good way at all the support you have given me.
I will reply to everyone individually later.
Thank you all for helping me feel a bit more positive 💖 xxx
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Feeling upset today and starting to get worried about our 5th attempt 
Can your AMH increase?
Thin Lining Day 10
Ready to start again ❤️
EC this morning . 7 eggs retrieved all from left ovary . Follicles in right ovary empty
