Feeling negative/unhopeful ahead of FET

[orangecatmum]

Hi all,

I'm about to start the process for my first FET - going in for my scan today and will start my medication.

However, I can't help but feel so negative going into this and being convinced it's going to fail. I'd like to have a bit of hope but right now it feels so impossible.

For background, I posted a thread a while ago about how, despite having autoimmune conditions (psoriasis, psoriatic arthritis, thyroid antibodies), my clinic is refusing to give me any medication for an autoimmune protocol. I've run out of fight and am exhausted, so I'm just having estrogen and progesterone. And after my many many months on these forums and researching myself, it looks fairly clear that I may only be able to succeed in IVF with extra help.

I have 4 PGT-A tested embryos, so we should have a good chance, but I'm convinced my body is going to let me down, and that this cycle won't work.

I do wonder if educating myself so much and reading so many other stories has actually made me feel negative, it just feels like such a difficult thing to succeed in if you have extra issues and I've convinced myself I'm too autoimmune and probably have NK cells so it won't work.

Also it's sort of a self-preservation thing - if I expect it won't work, then I won't be disappointed if it does. But that mindset is also exhausting to me, so I'd love to get out of it and to hear some positive stories.

Did anyone else feel the same going into an FET, and was anyone so convinced it'd fail but against the odds it worked?

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi. You have obviously been through a lot to get to this stage, so pat yourself on the back and try and get some positivity going. One of your embies will most likely stay, so fingers crossed and I shall be thinking of you. Diane

[orangecatmum in reply to DianeArnold]

Thanks Diane - appreciate it! Thanks for your support and I hope you're right

[CyclingAddict]

Hi orangecatmum! I know exactly how you feel. I had 4 failed transfers and 1 chemical pregnancy before I had some success. Before my most recent transfer, I kept thinking there was something wrong with me - why was I not getting pregnant with good quality embryos? I used to take pictures before every transfer of me in my hospital cloak but after my chemical pregnancy, I stopped bothering. I just didn't feel like it was going to work, so what was the point in documenting it. But my 6th transfer worked and I'm now 24 weeks pregnant with my little boy. Hold in there! Sending you luck and baby dust X

[orangecatmum in reply to CyclingAddict]

Aw amazing congrats - what a tough journey you've had but so happy you are where you are now!

[Christianbaby]

Having 4 PGT-A tested embryos is a really positive factor in your favor, and it shows that you have a good chance. I know it’s hard to shift your mindset, but try to hold onto that bit of hope. Our bodies can sometimes surprise us in ways we don’t expect.

I’ve seen many stories where people felt certain that their cycles would fail due to similar concerns but ended up with successful outcomes (myself included).

While it’s easy to get caught up in the negative possibilities, there’s also room for positive outcomes. Self-preservation is a common coping mechanism, but it can indeed be draining. Maybe try to focus on one small positive thing each day, whether it’s something about your treatment, your support system, or even a personal achievement unrelated to IVF.

You’re incredibly strong for getting to this point, and it’s okay to feel scared and uncertain. Wishing you all the best for your scan and upcoming cycle. xx

[orangecatmum in reply to Christianbaby]

Thanks so much, and congrats on your positive outcome!

It is draining, you're right. It's self-preservation to the point of madness. I think my issue is I've been proven right in the past several times (including my miscarriage - from the moment I found out I was pregnant I just knew, had a gut feeling it would go away, and it did) so I think I have worked myself into a negative headspace after that and have also educated myself obsessively to a fault! But you are right - I should let myself have hope and be open to being surprised. I hope this is one of those times I am wrong!

[Kerry1487]

Ive had one failed fresh transfer and awaiting to find out when I can start a FET. I’ve an autoimmune condition and I’m being investigated for hashimotos due to abnormally high thyroid antibodies.

I want to give my all to this transfer so I’ve looked into intralipids in the case that my NK cells may be high (I’ve not tested them). Intralipids is much cheaper than getting them tested. Have you considered this? Have you had your FET yet and if so how did it go?

[orangecatmum in reply to Kerry1487]

Hi love! It's so weird reading this post now as the FET worked! No need for steroids or other intervention. I'm 9.5 weeks pregnant now and obviously I know things could still go wrong immune-wise, and I am very aware I could lose this pregnancy at any point, but I was so shocked and pleased to see it work, despite all my concerns about my autoimmune issues and thyroid antibodies. When I say shocked, I mean big time! I had so convinced myself it would fail because of all of the above.

I think it is good to be aware and investigate ofc, but also just because you have X it doesn't necessarily always mean Y. I got myself into the headspace of autoimmune = big problem. But that isn't necessarily the case. Definitely do what you need to but there is hope 🙂🤞🏼

[Kerry1487 in reply to orangecatmum]

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I’m wishing you the best of luck with it.

My clinic have mentioned steroids to me but ultimately they said it is the patients decision. It so tough knowing what to do as I wouldn’t like to waste my embryo. My clinic don’t know enough about autoimmune conditions the same way my specialists can’t comment on fertility protocol just that they know people can conceive.

I’m tempted to go with steroids if they agree and maybe the intralipids or if this transfer fails add intralipids ahead of the next at that time I’ll likely be 38.

You have given me so much hope though. I just wish we all had a crystal ball.

[orangecatmum in reply to Kerry1487]

Oh love, same! That crystal ball would come in so handy.

For what it's worth, I was so keen to try steroids when I was convinced it's what I needed. I heard so many women say it was only after steroids they fell pregnant. If you research it and it seems OK, and your clinic are recommending, it may be worth a shot. Maybe pop a fresh post on here and ask for people's wider thoughts on steroids vs not steroids?

Wishing you so much luck with whatever you decide - it is so bloody hard!

[Kerry1487 in reply to orangecatmum]

I’m sick to death of all the research I’ve done. I thought my NHS clinic would do this but it’s very much try this and review it if it fails. I have put a post this morning regarding hashimotos so hopefully I’ll get responses on that.

[orangecatmum in reply to Kerry1487]

Ugh I feel you. It is def information overload! This is the part of IVF nobody warns you about - the sheer learning and decision-making!