Feeling negative/unhopeful ahead of FET

[orangecatmum]

Hi all,

I'm about to start the process for my first FET - going in for my scan today and will start my medication.

However, I can't help but feel so negative going into this and being convinced it's going to fail. I'd like to have a bit of hope but right now it feels so impossible.

For background, I posted a thread a while ago about how, despite having autoimmune conditions (psoriasis, psoriatic arthritis, thyroid antibodies), my clinic is refusing to give me any medication for an autoimmune protocol. I've run out of fight and am exhausted, so I'm just having estrogen and progesterone. And after my many many months on these forums and researching myself, it looks fairly clear that I may only be able to succeed in IVF with extra help.

I have 4 PGT-A tested embryos, so we should have a good chance, but I'm convinced my body is going to let me down, and that this cycle won't work.

I do wonder if educating myself so much and reading so many other stories has actually made me feel negative, it just feels like such a difficult thing to succeed in if you have extra issues and I've convinced myself I'm too autoimmune and probably have NK cells so it won't work.

Also it's sort of a self-preservation thing - if I expect it won't work, then I won't be disappointed if it does. But that mindset is also exhausting to me, so I'd love to get out of it and to hear some positive stories.

Did anyone else feel the same going into an FET, and was anyone so convinced it'd fail but against the odds it worked?

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi. You have obviously been through a lot to get to this stage, so pat yourself on the back and try and get some positivity going. One of your embies will most likely stay, so fingers crossed and I shall be thinking of you. Diane

[orangecatmum in reply to DianeArnold]

Thanks Diane - appreciate it! Thanks for your support and I hope you're right

[CyclingAddict]

Hi orangecatmum! I know exactly how you feel. I had 4 failed transfers and 1 chemical pregnancy before I had some success. Before my most recent transfer, I kept thinking there was something wrong with me - why was I not getting pregnant with good quality embryos? I used to take pictures before every transfer of me in my hospital cloak but after my chemical pregnancy, I stopped bothering. I just didn't feel like it was going to work, so what was the point in documenting it. But my 6th transfer worked and I'm now 24 weeks pregnant with my little boy. Hold in there! Sending you luck and baby dust X

[orangecatmum in reply to CyclingAddict]

Aw amazing congrats - what a tough journey you've had but so happy you are where you are now!

[Christianbaby]

Having 4 PGT-A tested embryos is a really positive factor in your favor, and it shows that you have a good chance. I know it’s hard to shift your mindset, but try to hold onto that bit of hope. Our bodies can sometimes surprise us in ways we don’t expect.

I’ve seen many stories where people felt certain that their cycles would fail due to similar concerns but ended up with successful outcomes (myself included).

While it’s easy to get caught up in the negative possibilities, there’s also room for positive outcomes. Self-preservation is a common coping mechanism, but it can indeed be draining. Maybe try to focus on one small positive thing each day, whether it’s something about your treatment, your support system, or even a personal achievement unrelated to IVF.

You’re incredibly strong for getting to this point, and it’s okay to feel scared and uncertain. Wishing you all the best for your scan and upcoming cycle. xx

[orangecatmum in reply to Christianbaby]

Thanks so much, and congrats on your positive outcome!

It is draining, you're right. It's self-preservation to the point of madness. I think my issue is I've been proven right in the past several times (including my miscarriage - from the moment I found out I was pregnant I just knew, had a gut feeling it would go away, and it did) so I think I have worked myself into a negative headspace after that and have also educated myself obsessively to a fault! But you are right - I should let myself have hope and be open to being surprised. I hope this is one of those times I am wrong!