Bad news

[Amanaa]

I just got the BFN confirmed today from my first FET. Although expected I never thought to be hurting so much. It was my first round of IVF and I feel so defeated. I read stories of women going through their 6th, 7th, 8th cycle on here and I have to say that I rate you. I do not know where you find the strength as on my first failed attempt I seem to have lost is completely. Psychologically, I am a shipwreck.

Thank you for sharing your stories on this forum. So many of you amazing women are so inspiring and actually make me feel less lonely. I didn't think IVF could be this hurtful until I tried it on my own self.

I wish everyone the greatest of success in your own journeys.

[Chloettc2020]

Hi Amanaa,

So sorry to hear about your BFN! Take some time for you & allow yourself to be upset. It's such a tough process regardless of how many transfers you've had. Be kind to yourself ❤️

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi Amanda. Oh dear, so sorry to hear this, of course you feel dreadful and hope you have plenty of support just now. You ask how others find the strength to keep going! Just like you they want their long awaited for family, so if the opportunity is there waiting,, then once you feel stronger, then off you go, and let’s hope the next little embryo is the one that wants to stay. Be strong. Diane

[Endofitall in reply to DianeArnold]

I’m sorry but I find that a really hurtful comment that you suggest in my multiple failed IVF rounds and my baby losses that the embryo didn’t want to stay 😓

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK in reply to Endofitall]

Hi. I’m so sorry, I never meant to infer that your previous embryos didn’t want to stay. Every embryo is precious and worthy of the same care and love as any that have sadly failed to thrive. I truly hope with all my heart that the little one you have left, will thrive. Forgive me. Diane

[Glaedy]

Hi Amanaa, I am so sorry about your BFN, it is tough and I hope you will feel hopeful again soon. Just take as much time as you need to reset emotionally. Does your clinic offer counseling? Maybe it would be worth speaking with someone. Ivf is such wild and tough journey. Sending lots of virtual hugs

[MD54999]

Hi Amanaa, I'm so sorry to hear about your BFN, its such difficult news to deal with and it's a very emotionally draining journey overall. Please give yourself time to grieve and recover. I find getting away for a break really helps me to try to mentally unwind from it all. I also go to counselling. It's not easy no matter what stage you are at. Sending support your way ♥️

[Kotick83]

Sorry to hear the bad news Amanaa. I felt the same after my 2 BFNs last year. I am alright now, but as you, I don't think I have the strength to go through it 7 or 8 times. We decided we will do all the tests we can, and throw everything at it one more time. I don't think I have any more attempts on me either physical or emotionally.It took me a bit to come to terms with it, specially after knowing other people's stories. But we have to do what feels right for ourselves.

All the best with whatever path you take. xx

[Someonehere1]

Hey Amanaa

Im so sorry, it’s so exhausting especially right at the end of the cycle. I think the hormones and exhaustion is worse for me for the first week after then I start to feel a bit clearer on how I feel and my capability to go through it again.

I also have been feeling the same recently and have done 3 cycles. It’s too much for me to think past the next cycle. I’m trying to give my body/mind some time to heal and then make a decision on whether I can do it again. I honestly had this idea in my head you did one round and that was it.

I’ll be getting some counselling this week to help me make my decision. Take care of yourself it’s such a roller coaster.

X

[Twiglet2]

I’m so so sorry 😥 be kind to yourself. I think the first negative is actually the hardest one as everyone around you is so positive and you start to believe in science and miracles, and no one really explains that more often than not the first try is a learning experience for your clinic and doesn’t always work. What it doesn’t mean though is that is how your next transfer will go and hoping you get your postive some day really soon. For now though spoil yourself as much as you can, you deserve it you’ve done amazing to get this far xx

[WillowPark]

Hi Amanaa, as others have said, the first one is particularly hard and it is so normal to feel how you are feeling but such a shock. It is grief, and disappointment and anger and sadness all at once, and that is before you consider the effect of stopping all the drugs and having your period, which is mentally and physically hard in itself. The first few days are awful but over the coming weeks I promise you will start to feel better and stronger again. There is no point in worrying how many times you can do it again at this stage. Wait to see how you feel and just look to the next step - the next round might be the one so just figure out if you can do that, once you feel better. I never considered I would manage 5 rounds but here I am, five BFNs later and planning number 6. Seeing a counsellor is also really helpful for the low days x

[Ajtart]

I'm so sorry to hear this and how upset you are. It's truly awful. Allow yourself time to be upset and cry as much as you feel you have too. It's okay to feel angry too. You will start to feel better after time and I hope you can look forward to a future cycle. Lots of love xx

[PeppyMiller]

Hi Amanaa,

I'm so sorry you're going through this, nothing prepares you for that wave of feelings, and I hope you're getting all the support you need now. I had my first transfer in January which ended in ectopic - for days I thought that I couldn't put myself through this again but things do get better, and eventually you'll feel ready to try again. Like everyone else said, be kind to yourself, let yourself feel all the feels and your time will come x

[Amanaa]

Thank you all for your kindness and support from the bottom of my heart. You are a glimpse of light in the tunnel I am in right now. It's tough but as you said time will heal it all. All the best xx

[TrendyDove]

I am so sorry to hear about your BFN. For me the 2nd failed transfer was the worst. That was the one that made me start thinking that IVF not always works for everyone and I started suffering from anxiety just thinking that I might never become a mum. Personally, I found getting back to my normal life, keeping busy, spending quality time with my husband, family and friends, planning a trip and things like that really helped... basically just enjoying things I love in life. Some people prefer to be alone and grief, or talking about how they are feeling with someone. I guess what I'm trying to say is that there is no right or wrong way to get through it, you just have to find your way of coping. Just remember, you are stronger than you think 😊. We are here for you xx

[Endofitall]

I am so sorry to hear this. There’s no Olympics of pain and every single failed transfer hurt terribly for me. My baby losses and failed transfers all hurt. One pain doesn’t trump another. But I agree with others that as hormones settle and time passes it will become a little easier to face the next steps. Take care of yourself xx

[Kate-92]

sending lots of love & strength. Allow yourself this time to feel ALL the emotions & I hope your next cycle whenever that maybe brings success x