Hi fellow IVF warriors! We have a one year old and got two embryos on ice. I turned 40 this year.
I was discussing my further IVF plans with a 30 year old medic friend, who hasn't been through IVF and is herself currently pregnant 3rd time. She gave me a whole list of reasons of why I should NOT try FET. Reasons were mainly complications related to pregnancy and baby post-birth because of me being 40.
I felt sooo dejected.
Non-ivf people REALLY don't know what it means to try to have a baby.
Has anyone on here experienced such an interaction? Have you ever been told off not to try being pregnant because you are 40 or above?
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Tamaa
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Hi, i think this is really insensitive of your friend and she is so lucky not to have had to wait till 40. For most of us its not a choice is it. And for those who it is a choice, its no one else's business. I have had a friend who over the last few years had repeatedly said ‘omg who would want to be a mom at 40’ but now she is 40 and wants her second child and I am 40 this year and still haven’t managed to have one.
Unfortunately people don’t think before they speak or they speak from a position of privilege.
I had someone at work who because of gossip knew about my miscarriages. When she bluntly confronted me about it, she seemed to have invented her own story of how it had happened and how me and my husband were. All wrong, ignorant and made up. It made me realise that only me and my husband know the full story, full emotions and so others opinion wasn’t relevant really.
I’m sorry your friend left you feeling that way, its unfair and she may not have intended it but it still hurts doesn’t it. I hope you can refocus on what you want x
Friend? Sorry she does not sound supportive and may be she needs to re-educate herself with the latest data. There are so many more women having babies in their 40s, that when you’re at the hospital for your checks etc they don’t bat an eyelid. If you want another baby go for it, don’t worry about what your friend has said. I had a baby last year in my 40s, no complications or issues. Good luck x
Hi, I just turned 44. I had my first baby 3 months ago when I was still 43. Literally no one ever seems to care about my age. It’s always been such a non issue - everyone was just excited. Medical staff never mentioned it throughout. I had one horrible girl at work discussing loudly in my earshot how having babies in your 40s is selfish - after I had just told her I was doing IVF, But honestly she’s generally not a nice person and a bit thick so I don’t concern myself with opinions of people like that. You’ll find no one else will care about your age and you’ll forget all about it too x
Focus on what you want and listen to your medical teams. I think that’s super insensitive of your friend but try not to dwell in it. Women have been having children over 40 for years - your body knows what to do. Look after yourself xx
I loved how my consultant for my recent pregnancy put it (I gave birth last week at age 42 and will be 43 next month)
He said ‘we will just keep a closer eye on you throughout pregnancy as you are have more ‘experience’ in this world than some other mothers to give you’re baby, so there is some slightly higher risks we will look out for but just means you have lots to give this baby when it arrives’
I had a complication free pregnancy and gave birth naturally after induction. Was out of hospital within 24 hours running about after our 3 year old! I actually felt better physically this pregnancy than last one (at age 39) and had none of the major sickness or pelvic girdle pain I had with my first!
Other than the consultant mentioning it cos they had to not one single other person in my friends or family or medical care setting ever mentioned it at all, everyone was really really positive and excited and still are now he’s here!
Ignore them would be my advice. If we lived our lives looking at stats and risk factors to make our decisions we would never go out in a car and walk everywhere 🤣
I think your friend is not a friend (I’m sorry to say). I will also reiterate what has been said above, listen to your body and your medical team. My mum has her last child at 42 and my sister is 38 now. Although it was a mistake and not planned as it seems the IUD failed but there was no complication and they are still both very well. It’s your choice so go for it if you want and maybe don’t discuss this with your friend as she does not seem supportive or understanding. By the way, I’m nearly 50 and still trying..
I am so sorry to hear that your friend has behaved in this way. I've only experienced it indirectly (husbands female friend saying how she would never have risked it, disability etc, even though she knew we desperately wanted kids and were probably trying) I've said I am not mixing with her anymore and my husbands grown apart from her anyway. I don't know why she would have such old fashioned views. It's amazing that you've got 2 embryos on ice! I would be keen to try if I was in your shoes. I wouldn't take any notice of her. How dare she say that. It's no one's place to give their opinion unless you ask for one. Even then there would be no need to be so brutal.Recently my urogynecologist was asking me about a back up plan eg adoption. He's so pessimistic. I am 43 in July and still trying for my 1st and not giving up!! Be wary of her as that's a cruel thing to say and you don't need negative energy around you. It sounds like firm boundaries are needed around her!You are more than entitled to try for a second child. I wish you the very best of luck. X
Wow, what a privileged position she speaks from having had 3 natural pregnancies by the age of 30. Sorry, but she has no clue what it is to walk in your shoes and as others have said, it was an unnecessary and insensitive comment to make.You are not her and every person's journey is different. You will find plenty of people on here who have had success with IVF aged 40+ and I'm sure haven't regretted it for a second. If it's right for you and your partner, do it.
That’s awful! I have experienced no negativity due to my age, other than sadly from someone on this forum! I’ve had nothing but admiration for doing it at my age and healthcare professionals were not concerned and I was only offered extra scans towards the end of my pregnancy. You have all that life experience and wisdom to offer when bringing up a child.
Sorry to hear that. People can be so insensitive. 40 is definitely not too old and if you have 2 frozen embryos that's amazing and you're well on the way. If you have a one year old already you know yourself that you are able to handle it and never mind what someone else thinks. It's easy for someone to say something when they are not in the same situation.I had my son when I was young, brought him up on my own and I didn't meet anyone I felt comfortable with having a child with until I was in my late 30s as I didn't want to do it on my own again. Unfortunately we have not fallen pregnant even though I ovulate every month and have a regular cycle my partners sperm count is extremely bad. 2 cancelled cycles as my body didn't respond well to stims and the consultant said I am too old, I am 42,and to use donor egg from young woman. That stung but I had nothing but positivity from other professionals.
You all 😭😭😭😭 I am bawling! Thank you for the support. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, experiences and making me feel better. You are all amazing!!! 💗
I'm sorry you had to listen to that. Some people love putting their 2 pence in. I'm not 40 but I certainly had negative comments from my husband's side of the family, which include gems like 'just adopt', 'your life is easier because you don't have children' (when they know full well I'm going through IVF), 'everyone else has problems, you know', etc. I realised I had to be selective about who I told about IVF. Not everyone will 'get it'. Don't let other people's opinions get in your way. If I'd listened to them, I wouldn't have my little boy today. Best of luck x
I'm 40 this year and wouldn't listen to anyone but myself & bf, we do what we want as it's us it affects. My 88 yr old nana many times says to me I don't know why you do it but I just ignore her ignorance tbh and put her comments down to old age lol. You do what you feel.
I’m truly sorry to hear about the horrible experience you had with your friend. It sounds incredibly insensitive. Many people lack emotional intelligence. Please don’t let someone else's opinion weigh you down. You hold your own power, and it doesn’t depend on anyone else. Surround yourself with positivity and remain focused.
Fertility issues and the IVF journey are not trivial matters. Those who have had children easily often lack an understanding of how difficult and emotionally draining this process can be. I’ve had a similar experience where someone suggested I should adopt because of my age. While adoption is a valid choice, I believe it’s important for me to make my own decisions regarding this matter.
I’m 41, and I refuse to give up on myself, even though it is emotionally challenging. I’ve heard countless success stories from women over 40, so hold on to that positive energy, stay focused, and ignore the distractions of others' opinions. You are a warrior for having come this far, and I know you will succeed. 💪❤️
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