Why are we scared to share our positi... - Fertility Network UK

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Why are we scared to share our positive stories on here?

jessandandy
jessandandy

Hello all.

It really upsets me that every time a women has good news finally that they title their post and it begins with **sensitive post** or something else that gives me the impression that they feel bad for feeling good.

Having ivf myself I know exactly how it feels on both sides of the fence and yes it’s heart wrenching when you read that someone else’s has their wish and you are still trying but these good news posts should give you hope, not make you feel envy or jealous. Give you the encouragement to carry on trying.

So let’s embrace each others stories. The good and the bad. Don’t ever feel you can’t share your success stories without warning people first... it’s bonkers!!

Congratulations to all that has their successful cycles and keep going and good luck to all those still going through theirs or have had unsuccessful cycles so far.

Xx

26 Replies
oldestnewest

Personally I couldn’t agree more but I do try to be mindful of other’s feelings as we’ve had some issues bought up in the past where some ladies have been so sensitive that they can’t even bare to see pregnancy announcements, scan pictures or birth announcements on here.

I always found them a source of hope but we are all different and all react to things in a different way xx

Hey, I agree stories of positivity are my ray of hope however sometimes others are having very difficult times and things can be quite raw for them. A few years ago (Ive been here far too long) things came to a head and there was a very heated, highly emotional posting on here which went a bit far and admin had to step in, so we as users made the agreement that we would try to warn other of happy times in case they feel unable to deal with them before they read the post. In dark times we all feel different and what is ok for some isnt ok for others so whilst I agree that it is great that we are able to share our happy stories and scan pics along the way I also think that putting "senstive" on allows some ladies who are truly struggling after their losses the option of reading the post or not.xx

Ahhh see I didn’t know this. Still sad though x

I do agree with you, we should be embracing the good and the bad, and I’ve always been the one to openly accept people’s good news and involve myself as much as I can in it. Having said that, everyone’s struggles are different, and everyone’s emotions are different too. People deal with things in their own way, and for the most part they might be quite accepting and be happy for the other person, however, I know we all have bad days where we just can’t deal with the struggle anymore and come here to vent. Sometimes I guess if a post is titled “sensitive” it gives the incentive for people to scroll right past it if they’re having a bad day. So I completely understand their side.

I for one jump to click on those posts and see success stories because it keeps me going and gives me so much hope. But who knows, if I struggle long enough I might not want to hear those stories. Might be too painful. X

I'm not sure putting sensitive on suggests people feel bad for feeling good about their news. I think they are just being considerate of people's pain, no? I think people who write that are highlighting or creating a warning on here for someone on who has come online to the forum for example at their lowest lows in deep grief to find some advice about which option to take for medical management, they can scroll past quickly these good news posts. People who experience deep loss still comment on others good news, it's just they might not have the capacity to in a certain moment, and that's okay, that doesn't make them hopeless.

X

I completely agree!

I think you have took what I meant to another level with your reply.

I have been both sides dealt with a gruelling 7 year struggle to conceive my daughter.I have found successful stories to be a great source of hope & I celebrated each happy story because I know it’s been a struggle for them to get there & generally been very happy for others good news. However after a miscarriage 2 years ago. for a bit I struggled to see scan pictures it was nothing personal just a difficult time for me doesn’t make me a bad person or others bad for posting their happy news. I was the reason for marking posts with “sensitive”

I’ve since been very careful what I’ve posted since our success, i hadn’t posted scans in case it was too upsetting for others it’s a very hard journey I would hate my news to upset others who maybe having a difficult time of it. To save others feelings it was decided we should give “sensitive warning” for success stories. It’s not about not being happy for others (we all understand how difficult this journey is) it’s about considering others feelings.

A forum filled with just negativity & no success would be very sad but it’s balance.

Congrats on your children it’s lovely to hear xxx

jessandandy
jessandandy in reply to jess1981

Best comment yet. Thank you. My wording could have been a lot better in my post i know that now. X

jess1981
jess1981 in reply to jessandandy

I could see your point of view successful stories are important on this forum they show others miracles do happen & that gives hope to others. These stories kept me going. I’ve been on this forum for 5 years &!made some beautiful friendships. People here have understood our journey much more than friends & family. To me it’s one big happy family here which is why need to have the balance so we can use this site in harmony.

It’s also important to value the needs of others- others have the right to share happy news without feeling guilty but others having a difficult day or whatever have the right to scroll past the post without causing offence to poster.

I stay here because I hope I can offer support from the other side & I love to see girls I’ve spoken to get their happy ending.

I know your post was never meant to cause any offence. Like I said if this site was full of negativity no success stories I don’t think I’d stayed this long! xxx

I don’t see the posts being marked ‘sensitive’ as meaning that anyone feels bad for their success, I think it’s just an acknowledgement that someone else might be struggling that day.

I love the good news stories, they don’t just give hope but I think there’s genuine happiness amongst members for other ladies that have been through this journey.

To suggest that someone is envious or jealous of someone else’s good news seems harsh though. It’s a very simple act to mark a post as sensitive, but one that lets a woman having a really awful day come back to it when she’s feeling stronger.

Noah1981
Noah1981 in reply to Solly-44

I couldn’t agree more darling I absolutely embrace the ladies fabulous news on this and this week there’s been a few I’ve scrolled past and haven’t commented on yet but I will do when I feel like my hearts been put back into my body and feel sincerely elated for these lovely ladies who finally got there amazing news .We are all entitled to feel shit we are all entitled to share our happy news and it’s also ok not to feel ok to want to pass comment on the sensitive post it’s amazing how many there has been proves to me there is a god he just hasn’t touched on some of us just yet 🥰🥰

I really agree with Solly. I personally love hearing the success stories. I also don’t think having the “sensitive” marking is about jealousy or envy - just about giving people a choice whether they stop and read something or whether they choose to scroll past if at that moment it might be too painful due to whatever they are facing themselves that day xx

Hi. I agree they do give me hope and help me carry on at times I don’t feel I can. I am genuinely happy for everyone, and comment whenever I get a chance. But I don’t think marking posts as sensitive are because they feel bad for feeling good. I think it’s consideration for other peoples feelings on here. We all have good and bad days, and sometimes it might be too hard for people at certain times, and nobody should feel bad for that. We are on all on an incredibly hard journey. It doesn’t mean people are jealous or envious. I myself have been there a couple of months ago. I scrolled past them because i was going through a really emotional time, and when I felt ready I commented again, and that’s okay. Everybody is different, and I think the sensitive posts are just showing understanding and consideration of other people’s feelings. xxx

jessandandy
jessandandy in reply to Gem2410

Its good to read other peoples perspectives.

It's a tricky one this, having been on both sides of the fence my opinion has changed a little. When I was going through my cycles and during my early miscarriage I always loved seeing the positive posts and they gave me inspiration to keep going and never give up. Now that I'm pregnant and find myself wanting to share my good news I do find myself feeling worried about upsetting others if they're just having a pants day today and could do without seeing my news x

jessandandy
jessandandy in reply to Kitcat12

Congratulations xx

Kitcat12
Kitcat12 in reply to jessandandy

Thanks lovely ❤️x

Personally, I agree that positive stories should be shared as I came on here because I am emotionally and physically desperate! Desperate for understanding, desperate for answers and desperate to become a mum.

I think marking the posts with ‘sensitive’ is simply showing respect and human courtesy. We all know that ‘sensitive’ means great news. It’s then up to individual whether they want to read it or not at that time x

I dont come on here much and so i actually didnt know what sensitive meant until i started reading a few posts and noticed a pattern.

Human courtesy is a very good way to put it though... I now understand. I didnt want my post to offend anyone but its rustled a few feathers by some of the replies. When i was going through my ivf treatment i wanted to hear good news thats all and it encoursged me and i too was once desperate to be a mum with my own struggles so i do get how reading someone elses success can be hurtful as well in a way.

Hi Jessandandy, I think it’s lovely that you’ve been able to listen to other people’s views and appreciate/take on board their positions. Human kindness, sensitivity and consideration are beautiful things and they cost nothing. Some women on this forum are extremely fragile and a word of warning can make such a difference to them during a moment (or longer if needed) of vulnerability. I really respect that whilst you have your views, you’ve been open enough to take on board another perspective.xxx

I honestly didn’t want to offend anyone that’s all. I do now understand more and am always open to changing my opinion and always open to hear other people’s perspectives. Sometimes I word things slightly too bluntly but I don’t mean any harm. Thank you. X

I think it is important to let other people manage the posts they choose to look at. Everyone handles things differently and we are going through different feelings at different times, we're different ages, have undergone different treatments, etc.

I agree with you. But like tugshirl said we had some issues on here so we have to say sensitive etc. It’s lovely to hear all news on here.

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