So after a few horrendous years of infertility and another IVF failure pre-Christmas, my husband had a chat with me and said I need to stop "hiding away" and need to start socialising again and getting a bit of the "old me", the "pre-infertility me", the "pre-IVF me" back. I realised he was right. I've been pretty miserable, lost alot of friends as no one knows what we are doing and it puts so much strain on friendships, and I simply don't do nearly as much as I used to. So I booked a weekend away. I caught up with good friends. We went to the theatre. I planned to host everyone for Christmas. I invited family to stay for New Year and friends and neighbours to see in the New Year with fizz and fireworks. I said yes to my work Christmas party - all of them. I organised some pre-Christmas catch ups with friends near and far. I planned Christmas so I don't have to face the hardest bits and planned ways to enjoy it. I had cast-iron excuses not to drink planned in advance. I marked on the days where I'd be meeting a pregnant lady or a small child - not because I didnt want to but just so I was mentally prepared and could deal with it. I said we would relax and try naturally this month with no pressure - it is so unlikely to work anyway so let's just do it when we feel like it. Solid plan and it has been keeping me going.
And now, I am pretty sure I have picked up covid or some very bad flu (despite being vaccinated and being first in line for my flu jab this year) out socialising. I'm not yet prepared for Christmas. My work is incredibly busy. I have so many friends and colleagues to let down this week if I'm not well enough to go to the things that I have organised and now it appears I am dying. I have no idea how I'm preparing for Christmas while feeling like this.
That's before we even mention dealing with the last couple of weeks of emotional turmoil of coming out of a failed cycle at the beginning of December and watching all the usual Christmas triggers go by. Being that lady on the flight silently sobbing and hoping nobody notices before you get yourself under control... and I'm not even sure that's been my lowest point.
Why does it sometimes seem that the world hates us? Just one break one time would be nice... one month. That's all I asked for ☹️
Sorry about the rant.
PS, I might be exaggerating as I'm pretty sure I will survive but only once this flu has ruined the holiday period.
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WillowPark
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l had to laugh at your post but I know how frustrating it is - you do all the things, try and get yourself in the right mindset and then some bloody illness or injury trips you up. I’m sorry you have to cancel everything, but good on you for picking yourself up and showing you can do it. It takes a lot of mental strength and resilience.
I hope you feel better soon lovely and I hope you aren’t actually dying! Get some rest and look after yourself, it’ll feel like the end of the world but you’ll get through it like every thing else xxxx
Thanks! I'm still alive this morning but only just... I'll let you all know if I survive 🤣 It is so true. I just need to readjust my week and expectations...
So sad to hear about your story. You are right, all this takes a toll on friendships. I kept losing friends as they kept having children... Just don't be too hard on yourself and take little steps to socialize. Take rest and distract yourself until you are able to face your situation.
Yes absolutely. Especially if you keep your journey quiet. It is so hard to keep up with people. Suddenly everyone wants to hang out with their mum friends and you get left behind. And it is even worse when you don't feel strong enough to sit and discuss the difficulties of motherhood and how annoying all the kids are... Suddenly you are sitting with old friends and find you have nothing to say!
totally second what TeddyBear5 said...... you made me smile, you should be so proud of yourself for getting up and trying!! you will make it through this... after all you have made it through so much worse. I hope you a speedy recovery so you can still enjoy the plans you have made xx
Thanks 🙂 I wasn't really thinking about it like that last night but think you are right. I might just need to have a day on the sofa and then hopefully I'll feel better.
I had this two years ago. My 4th transfer failed on Dec 19th, my partner & I tested positive for covid on Dec 21st, and so we missed out on the big family Xmas we’d planned to help us get through it. It was back in the days when you had to isolate for 10 days so we missed NYE as well 😑😑😑 My partner lost his sense of smell and couldn’t even taste his Xmas dinner. 🎄🎄🎄 ho ho ho 🎄🎄🎄That Ed Sheeren Xmas song had just been released and I still find it triggering to this day 🤣
All this to say, I can relate to your situation and it sucks. Im now headed into Xmas 7 weeks pregnant (first ever time in my life) & it’s terrifying for a million new reasons. Hopefully it’s a short lived bug and you can get back to feeling well again soon. Rest up and drink all the honey and lemon you can - Xxxx
Thanks for sharing - that Ed Sheeran song is everywhere too! Congratulations! That's fantastic news and wishing you all the best. I can imagine you are terrified but sending you all the good luck and positive thoughts. Do you mind if I ask how many transfers you have had? This was our fourth which failed... I've got all the honey, paracetamol and deep heat so I think I'll make it 🙂
It was transfer 7 (my second with donor eggs) that worked for me. Prior to that I did 5 OE cycles all resulting in 1-2 very good blasts p/cycle. I can see in your bio that all 4 of your embies were from the same cycle, maybe it’s just an unlucky batch. I read a paper about how if you get all PGTA abnormal embryos in one round, your chance of getting a normal embryos in the next is exactly the same as anyone else’s.
You’ve got this 💪💪 sleep, rest, drink lots of fluids, get lots of vitamins - berrocca is some kind of magic, hot lemon and honey! Hopefully you don’t have to miss out on too much! Human connection is so important for health and happiness 🎄
Thanks 🙂 I didn't think about berocca but we definitely have some! I've been drinking hot blackcurrant tea with honey. Fingers crossed I feel better soon! You are right, it is so important and so easy to hide away and become isolated.
Hi! Your post really struck a chord with me so i had to reply.
I'm so so sorry that you've been hit with all this s***. This whole thing is such an horrible, intense roller-coaster of emotions, i can totally empathise with feeling like you've finally gained a break/some positivity then life just comes and knocks you back down again.
I haven't even started IVF yet and I already totally feel exactly as you said. I'm losing all my friends because I've been through a miscarriage and 2 years of trying and failing to fall pregnant again. While watching one after another of my friends fall pregnant with apparent ease. I feel like I'm becoming this bitter person who just doesn't want to go out or see anyone becuase it feels they just don't get it. It's hard to put a brave face on when your heart is breaking.
I've been having the exact same thought as well, about just relaxing a bit this month, having a drink if I want, stop putting all the focus on trying every other day. It's very hard to do though when for so long youve been in survival mode, trying to live the perfect life and try everything you can in the hope that something works and you miraculously fall pregnant.
I'm sure what I've said has been no help in consoling you, but I just wanted to reply to say you are not alone in this. And as for the sobbing on the flight - totally with you there. I had a complete meltdown in the middle of Tesco last week - after a week of bad news after bad news, the lack of red peppers finally sent me over the edge.....
Hope you feel better and can get some sense of calm and normality over Christmas. Take care x
Absolutely - it is never the years of infertility, the sadness over the lack of family or all the pain that gets you, it's stupid Tesco running out of the red peppers! This last couple of weeks I've been fine when I'm doing something, but everytime I stop I just want to cry. I get that too - you are happy for your friends but it just causes so much pain that sometimes you can't be happy. And people don't get it and are so busy being new mums that if you withdraw because you can't deal with it, they just let you and don't even notice. But I've definitely got to a point - and we are quite a few years in now - that I can't keep wasting my life being bitter and avoiding everything. How you go about rebuilding and moving forward in life when you are stuck in limbo is the question though... I suppose goal number one should be rebuilding my immune system 🤣
I totally hear you. I think I've cried about 99% of the last month. Like you say, every time you stop it just hits you. Used to love this time of year but it's just not what I thought it would be by this point in my life.So, so hard..x
Absolutely. It is the not being where you thought you'd be, or living the life you thought you would. After my last few Christmases I was determined to enjoy it again this year! Maybe there is still time once I'm feeling better...
oh WillowPark this made me giggle (the dying bit) but also made me feel all of the emotions. It takes every inch of you to make plans when all you really want to do is just hibernate, and then when illness stops you in your tracks it’s incredibly frustrating and you feel like a let down! But what I will say is bloody good on you for setting the wheels in motion, more than I could ever do at this stage - what you’ve done takes a lot! And proves you can do it.
I totally understand that feeling of thinking ‘I’ve got this, I’m doing so well’ and then something changes all that. It’s happened to me numerous times. Just focus on getting better and when you’re well again, you can make more plans (if you feel up to it) sending lots of hugs xx
I’m totally with you in these feelings. We are also entering Christmas on a failed round (did the test 2 days ago). I’ve decided that I’m going to eat all the bad food I want & have a drink this year (can’t remember the last time I drank).
I feel like I don’t want to have anything to do with pregnant people or young children as it almost feels like it’s being rubbed in my face that I can’t have that. My two best friends have both had babies in past few years (one of them has had two) & I just don’t really spend time with them anymore. I still see them regularly at group social events but I don’t see them 1:1 or just the 3 of us anymore- I just make excuses. My sister-in-law is 8 months pregnant & while I’ve been burying my head in the sand about it since she told us back in July (3 days after we found out our first cycle has failed), I’m going to have to see her over Christmas & somehow deal with it.
I really feel for you being poorly over Christmas, especially after you planned so much to take your mind off everything! I hope you’re feeling better soon & can at least enjoy some of it.
Sorry to hear about your failed round. It is a brutal time of year for it and particularly with your sister in law. Sending you strength to get through that! Enjoy that drink and live a bit this month. Hopefully better things in store for us all in 2024. (Or at this rate - 2025!)
maybe your getting just what you need. A reason to abolish all your plans and just get some bloody good rest without anyone questioning it! The universe works in strange ways as we all well know! Xxx
Feel better soon. I do get what you mean. Keep bouncing back, sending you lots of positive vibes. And, this is the place to rant - lots and lots of support here. Get well soon. xx
Hello WillowPark , I read your post last night and it both resonated and reminded me that so many of us are feeling the same way.
If you can believe after testing negative this time last week (on our wedding anniversary of all days) I thought it couldn't get any worse so I started thinking about actually going to my work Christmas party, even booking a horse riding class in the New Year (never done it before and totally scared of heights so not sure why this was up there as something I really want to do) and maybe going out to see the lights, alas that was until my bleed turned up on Friday and I ended up being rushed to hospital and kept there all weekend, just so they could tell me that I had indeed had a failed implantation and due to my endometriosis the bleed would be a lot more painful, which my clinic somehow forgot to tell me.
It's back to the drawing board on trying to avoid any triggers, do fun things and find the 'me' before IVF, which honestly I hadn't even realised I lost, but the point I wanted to make was that I understand what you're going through and I really hope you get better soon and back on your journey to nice things again 💛 xxx
Hi WillowPark, I hope you're feeling better from the flu or whatever it is!, i have to say despite the frustration about planning and having to cancel, this is still a positive story, because you decided to change your approach to things, so flu aside, and even if you don't get to actually do it because of that, well done to you xx. This journey has thought me that planning is nearly impossible, hopefully next year will bring you plenty of opportunities to bring back your social best and enjoy life more despite the rollercoaster that this fertility journey brings xx I know it's hard to keep going without losing ourselves in this, but we need to make a conscious effort, socialising helps us to keep sane, even if you decide not to share at all xx
I hope you get better soon, sending you a big hug and all the best for the new year!, xx
Your post really resonated - things are never straight forward and there is always another blip! But I take comfort in the fact you were able to pick up and have such a solid plan for Xmas, goes to show you can experience that positivity and will do again one day.
I think society puts too much pressure on us to be all happy clappy at cmas have everything sorted and planned going in to the new year. That’s clearly not the reality for lots of us and that’s normal too x
How are you feeling now? Hope Covid has buggared off so you can at least enjoy your Xmas dinner! I was really ill after my last failed FET a few weeks ago just as I was about to go back to work. I didn’t test so not sure if it was covid but I felt ROTTEN. Now I’m thinking it was maybe a good think as I took more time off work and quietly died on the sofa. X
Hi Doodlebug23 ! Good to hear from you. I'm still ill. I'm not dying anymore just in proper flu phase - in a fishbowl with a cough and feeling bleugh. Work was really very busy until yesterday but I've taken today off to have a lie in and get organised. I almost feel worse for it but hoping it will do me better over the next couple of days! Hope you are recovered in time for Christmas. Sounds like you did need it so hopefully the break has done you well x
You have 2 days still and no sodding work so hopefully you’ll kick its ass! I felt worse when I was off work and slobbing in the morning but did get a couple of hours in the afternoon where I almost felt normal so I think rest does help your body recover. I still sound like utter shite first thing - so people keep telling me! X
This post really resonated with me too! Thank you for sharing. This time of year can be difficult especially for those of us going through the emotional rollercoaster of IVF. I’ve tried to be more social this year but it’s hard when you’re braving pregnant people, friends and family with babies and young children. It can all get a bit exhausting and all you want to do is hibernate until January! I hope you feel better soon xx
Thank you - it is draining. You know it is better for you to do it and you want to go out and enjoy life, but at the same time it is so tough. I'm feeling a bit better tonight at last thanks, so hopefully on the way up again 🤞
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